Sunday, June 10, 2007


Being stuck in a hospital bed gives you a lot of time. If you have the internet that time can be used to search like crazy on anything you want with few interruptions.

I found a great website on the March of Dime's Home page. I personally think the March of Dimes is an amazing organization. It's one we have donated to since Kaitlyn's been born.

On there are many stories by women who have delivered their baby's prematurely and spend time in the NICU. One of the threads on their page was about the comments they've received from friends and family after delivering. Some of these women had their baby's in NICU's for 3+ months and some mothers lost their baby's after trying everything they could to save them.

The comments I've most frequently read include:

* Well, at least you didn't gain a bunch of weight and get stretch marks
* At least you didn't have to push out a big baby
* At least you didn't have to have a long drawn out pregnancy
* So, the NICU is like a free babysitter?

Believe me, there were many, many more. These are the ones that came up for nearly every mommy though.

Let me tell ya, if I heard one of these comments, please do not be offended if I punch the person in the face.

Believe me, I understand wanting to make things seem brighter, but for many people pregnancy isn't this terrible thing that a woman would trade in for her child to live in a plastic home wondering if they'll live long enough to come home and if they do, if they will have any serious defects from it.

So please, if you think of saying one of those things to a woman who gave birth to a preemie, PLEASE reconsider.

Right now, my goal is to not go into labor. Sounds easy enough right? Well, that basically involves laying in a flat bed and only getting up every few hours to pee. No going outside, no going for walks, no shopping in stores, no playing with Kaitlyn, no sleeping in my own bed, no trips or vacations, heck, I can't even straighten up my own room. Laying for that long and completely depending on the care of others is far from easy. Especially if you are a control freak who typically has a say on everything. Not just a say, but a say that truly matters.

Believe me, I am incredibly grateful for all that everyone is doing, I truly am. I know that Kaitlyn can be a handful. There's a reason why she naps and sleeps so good, it's because the longest she'll sit still is 42 seconds, and even then, she is twitching or moving or telling you a story.

But, I miss that.

It's not easy going from seeing her 24 hours a day, giving her baths, combing her hair, brushing her teeth, getting her dressed, putting cartoons on for her, making her meals, playing games with her, practicing her dance with her, taking her out for a special treat, carrying her to bed for her nap, saying night nights with her, getting her to bed and everything else that comes with being her mom to going to seeing her at most a couple hours a day and not even being able to pick her up. Nothing will make that easier.

I know it isn't easy for Dusty. His time is spent being split in so many different ways. I know he hates to leave the hospital. But, I know he hates to leave Kaitlyn. I know he's running around like a chicken with his head cut off trying to be everywhere at once and doing as much as he can as quickly as he can so that he can get back to me or to Kaitlyn. And even though I tell him he doesn't have to sleep here, I know that it makes him feel better to do so, no matter how uncomfortable the bed is. All I can hope is that he's being supported to do what he thinks is right when he feels that it's right. I'm sure he has enough guilt when he's at one place and not the other and I don't want that to be worse on him. We all know Dusty isn't exactly the best at sharing his feelings.

And one more thing. This is just a mild irritation. If you want to know how I'm doing, or how Matthew is doing, please don't hesitate to call me or e-mail me. It totally isn't necessary to pass messages through another source at all. If my mom tells me one more time about so and so, I will scream! You are not bothering me, I'm stuck in bed, discouraged from napping, how bothered could I possibly be? I enjoy e-mails, myspace messages, comments, phone calls, I enjoy passing the time. I'm also pregnant and hormonal, if you call and for some reason it's a bad time I'll either not answer the phone, or I'll tell you. Ask my mom, I always hang up on her when the nurse comes in lol!

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