Catfishing...

In today's society, catfishing refers to more than just casting out a line in hopes of catching a delicious dinner.  It also refers to "whackadoos" doing "whackadoo" things.  Urban dictionary defines it well: The phenomenon of internet predators that fabricate online identities and entire social circles to trick people into emotional/romantic relationships (over a long period of time).

We have been "catfished."  In a way at least.  A woman by the name of Monique Spears has fabricated a character she named Joshua Reagan.  Joshua is the father of two, a daughter named Kaitlyn and a son named Matthew.  What a coincidence.  To give proof that this character actually exists, she had to have photos of "his" children.  Anyone want to guess what photos she used?

Yeah.  I don't take too kindly to the photographs I post on my blog being used by "whackadoos."  So, in between a day of editing footage and caring for three little ones, I spent some time finding out a lot of information about Monique.  I verified that Kaitlyn and Matthew's websites (that I keep mostly for me to go back and look at) are password protected, my facebook is still nice and private and since there is only one other place "Joshua's" cover photo could be found, I'll be watermarking all of my images. 

It has been suggested that perhaps I make the blog private.  Which I did consider.  But, it's theraputic for me.  And, I enjoy helping people who may be going through a little bit of what we have, or who would like to try and understand what it is like to lose a child, perhaps to be a better friend to someone hurting.

Just a personal message to Monique, in case you didn't receive the one on facebook before quickly deleting Joshua's profile: I spent more time than I'd care to admit researching you today.  I have more information about you, your life and your "characters" than ever necessary.  You really should get a healthier hobby.

Life is...

Good.

Busy, but good.

Kaitlyn is officially done with the third grade.  Her report card was fantastic.  One B and the rest were all As.  Her only B was in geometry.  Considering her lack of motivation to do her homework at the beginning of this semester and how hard it is to concentrate in the summer, we were really proud.  She scored advanced in all of her tests and was "marked" excellent in everything else.  She was really glad to be done with school. That is, until the day came and she realized she would be away from her friends for the summer...

Last week, I spent hours upon hours in her room cleaning it.  When you walked by, it looked just a little messy.  As I started to work "with" her, I discovered a lot of hiding spaces.  Spaces filled with a lot of things from our little pack rat.  She decided she would rather go to sleep at 7 then finish helping.  I have no idea how she slept through me cleaning, Charlotte crying in her room, Samantha running in and out and the lights on full blast.  But, she did.

Our goal now is to have her keep it clean.  To my standards.  Everyday, I go in and check all the hiding spots a few times a day.  If she keeps it clean for two weeks, to my standards without being told, she can get her DVD player back.  Right now, I'm still reminding her a couple times a day.

Samantha is as cute as ever.  She has the sweetest voice and says the cutest stuff.  For example, if I ask her where something is, say her cup or a piece of garbage I know she didn't throw away she says "It disappeared" with this little grin.  She'll always follow it up with "what should I do?" and put her hands up and shrug her shoulders.

Her memory is great, she's constantly mentioning things that happened days ago.  She has started remembering who Matthew is, but not really understanding who he is to her.  Does that make sense?  It's hard, with Kaitlyn we had a hard time telling her what happened, but she knew him.  She knew he was there and that he then wasn't.  Samantha doesn't have the luxury of knowing him as anything more than a memory she doesn't share with us.  Sometimes, I worry it will separate us into two groups as a family, before Matthew and after.  But, I try not to think too far ahead or too deeply.  If I did, I would probably go crazy.

Samantha is starting to get better about liking to go places.  Her sleep is not improved at all.  If we skip the benadryl, she's up all night.  And, she refuses to use the potty.  So far, she'll recite this list of things we will get her if she uses the potty: princess scooter, Team Umizoomi DVD, sparkly shoes, candy and chocolate.  She'll run around in big girl underwear, sit on the potty when I tell her too, every 5 minutes after a ton of Gatorade, juice, milk and/or water, and do this for hours.  Then, she'll say "I caaaaaaan't go on the potty" and ask for a diaper please and then pee in it.  She says she's too little.  I remind her that her big sissy doesn't wear diapers and her favorite big cousins don't wear cousins and she gets so excited.  Then, I ask her again if she wants to go on the potty and she sweetly says "no thank you."

UGH!

Charlotte is doing great.  At about 4 months, we started giving her baby food.  Her doctor thought it would help with the weight gain and spitting up.  I knew from experience that it wouldn't, but she did show all the readiness signs so we started.  She gets about 1/2 a jar in the morning of fruit and the evening another half a jar of veggies or meat.  Both are mixed with rice cereal to thicken it a little.  She loves it.  She also loves watermelon.  She's no closer to sitting up on her own, but she is super fast at getting from one side of the room to another.  She has also decided that most of the time she hates riding in the car.  That has been less than fun.  It's actually been absolutely stressful at times.  She will just scream and scream, never tiring herself out.  When she's going and Kaitlyn decides that it's a good time to ask about angles and the history of California's state flower it can be hard to concentrate to say the least.

She absolutely loves her baby cousin though.  She will just stare and stare at him.  He is adorable, so I can't really blame her...

Dusty and I are doing great.  We went out to dinner, just the two of us, for the first time since Charlotte's been born.  Yeah.  We had a great time, Charlotte not so much.  She cried and cried the entire time we were gone.  Which pretty much broke my heart.  But, it was nice to eat an uninterrupted meal with both hands.  And, having lunch with my best friend is always something I look forward too. 

It's funny, we have treated all three girls pretty much the same since birth, but Charlotte has really been the one to like for me to hold her.  Which makes doing pretty much everything just a little bit harder.  Considering how much work we've been doing in the backyard, how much I've been working and the to-do list I have for the upcoming weeks, my back hurts and I'm exhausted.

We have so many things we're planning right now.  A few little getaways, some beach side family portraits, baby showers and I'm pretty sure we're going to plan a vow renewal for our 10 year anniversary next August.  Exciting things...

March for Babies!

 I've mentioned before, this year we were honored to be the Ambassador Family for the Greater Capital Division.  Basically, this meant that Dusty and I spoke at the kick off lunch and at the walk.  We were featured in the fundraising tri-fold and shared our story and why we participate with the March of Dimes and their fundraising efforts.

Our team rocked.   This photo isn't even everyone from our team.  That's how incredible they were.  We raised just over$10,600!  They were great through 3!! fundraisers and just an amazing source of support!

I spoke before the kick off of the walk.  Just a short speech telling our story.  Originally, we were all going to go up, but in case I haven't mentioned it before, Samantha is not a morning person.  She wanted nothing to do with anything, so Dusty kept her happy off the stage.

We walked, we enjoyed the company of great people, we raised money for an amazing cause, we honored our baby and we started planning for how to raise even more for next year.  (http://www.marchforbabies.org/team/MatthewsTeam )

A busy spring

Things have been fairly insane around here lately.

Occasionally, I work out of the house.  It's the same office Dusty works for and I take the littlest girls with me.  I do video and photo editing, which I'm good at and I enjoy.  I create documentaries and promotional DVDs to help them with their cause.  The busiest time of the year for this is April through June.  Which coincides with March for Babies, Dusty's wrist surgery, the end of the year activities at Kaitlyn's school, pretty weather and you know, life in general.

This is how my days have been going lately: Nurse Charlotte at 5:45 AM, get in the shower by 6.  Be out, dressed with make-up and hair done by 6:45.  Wake Kaitlyn up and empty the dishwasher by 7.  Get Samantha dressed, Charlotte dressed and fed again, put laundry in the washer and fold/put away anything from the night before.  Be out the door by 8:30.  Get Kaitlyn to school by 8:45 (we've missed this a few times) and go straight to my office.  From about 9 to 3 work while entertaining Samantha, changing countless diapers, nursing, cleaning up spit up, returning emails and making up songs to sing.  Some days, I do this from home.  Leave to pick up Kaitlyn by 3:35 and run by the store on the way home every couple of days.  Go home, work on laundry and then take everyone outside to play while I work on weeds and getting the pool area pretty.  We cook dinner when Dusty gets home, we eat, we clean up, we have bath time, we force Samantha to go to bed, get Charlotte ready for bed and I work on eBay orders.  By midnight, we go to bed too.  Some days, it's so easy.  Some days, it's absolutely exhausting.  But, I wouldn't change it for anything in the world.  Even if it means that I am seriously behind on writing and reading blogs.

Charlotte is doing great.  I tease Kaitlyn and Samantha that she's the easiest and best behaved most days.  She's pretty laid back and happy.  She's 5 months and just a doll.

Samantha is doing really well.  Her vocabulary impresses me each and every day.  She speaks in full sentences so clearly.  She has no problem expressing what she wants and or needs.  Or what she thinks she might want or need. 

Samantha is no where near potty training.  And it isn't for a lack of trying.  She just simply has no desire to go.  I leave her naked with the potty out and remind her every 5 minutes.  She'll sit on it and do nothing.  I'll put a diaper on her so we can leave the house and she'll pee as soon as it is on her.  She simply says she does not want to go on the potty.  She wants to go in her diaper.  I took her to the toy store and told her to pick out whatever she wanted.  I told her she could have the scooter, dolls and candy as soon as she went potty in the toilet.  She said no thank you.  Oh.  Ok then.  I'm not going to push it, but I'm going to continue to encourage it so hopefully one morning she'll wake up and be ready to do it. 

Samantha's sleep hasn't really improved and it has.  We've been using benadryl every night at the recommendation of her doctor.  I've tried weaning her off of it or skipping a night and she will stay up, ready to party, until well after 4 AM.  It used to be that we could just keep her in her room with the baby gate up and sleep, but she's too sneaky now, so we just don't sleep with her...  Yeah.  I don't care for that so much.  So, for now, we're going to stick with what works.  She is an entirely different person when she gets sleep.  She speaks more, she is happy, she started gaining weight and we seem to pass the constipation issues when she's rested.  And those things are important. 

Samantha is 2 1/2 now, we celebrated her half birthday earlier this month since she is obsessed with birthdays.  She knows all of her shapes, even the octagons, pentagons, rhombus and so on.  She knows her colors and recognizes her numbers and letters.  Her memory is fantastic and her ability to tell stories is impressive.  She is stubborn as can be though.  She loves team umizoomi and Dora.  She loves playing dress-up and pretending to be animals.  She is obsessed with babies.  She's growing so fast.

Kaitlyn just celebrated a half birthday as well and is now 8 1/2.  Her attitude is having more better days lately than bad days.  She is a drama queen and super sensitive some days, but other days she's incredibly helpful and a ton of fun.

Kaitlyn is a week (or so) away from finishing the third grade.  She did great this year.  Her biggest obstacle was long division.  I don't know if it was more stressful for me or for her.  I swear, I was almost ready to hire a tutor, keep her in the third grade again or see if she had some ADHD issues it was so bad.  But, then it clicked.  It seriously could not have clicked any later to preserve my sanity.  Her biggest concern for next year is having one of her 4 best friends in her class.  We really just don't know if that'll happen since there are 5 4th grade classes, and they could all end up in different ones.  But, regardless, they will still have recess.

Cheer season is getting ready to start back up and she's excited to participate again.  She really wants to be a flyer, and I just don't think that's going to happen.  She's tall and while she isn't overweight even the teeniest bit, she's sturdy.  She's super muscular in her legs and loves playing soccer during recess.

My on the side, graphic design business is going amazing.  I'm starting to get too busy to keep taking as many orders as I have been.  The last few months I've seen a steady 20% increase in sales each and every month.  And, I've been fortunate to have a lot of repeat customers and a lot of referrals.  I love it.  I love creating invitations, party supplies, home decor and all of that jazz.  It truly does bring a lot of joy and it's a great way to use some of that creativity itching to get out without having to go through my fabric stash...

Here's hoping things slow down and stay good.  And that I have more time for writing.  But, really, I've been spending a lot of time being in the moment, instead of concentrating on photographing it or documenting it.  I think we've all had a lot more fun that way.

Charlotte is 5 months old

I know, I know.  She's actually 5 months and 4 days old.  But, things have been crazy busy and I have yet to discover how to add hours to every day, so.  That's where we are at...

I know,  I say it over and over again, but I do not know how she has gotten so big so fast.  I am constantly torn by being so excited for her to get bigger so that she can run around and play with the older girls (or at least defend herself against Samantha forcing pacifiers in her mouth and toys in her hands) and trying to figure out how to keep her teeny tiny for as long as possible.

Charlotte is such a happy baby.  She just has the biggest smile and warms up to people so quickly.  When she smiles, she crinkles her little nose and squints her eyes.  And half the time her smile involves a screech of happiness. 

She is rolling all over the place and at the beginning stages of crawling.  She crawls around in a circle and tries so hard to go forward crawling, but just hasn't mastered the hand/leg combo necessarily to get where she wants to go.  But, she can get from one side of the room to another in the time it takes you to grab something from the other room.

Charlotte is a spitter.  Easily as much and as often as the other girls.  Always at the worst possible moment and never we do changes it.  The only time she doesn't spit up is over night.  During the day it doesn't matter if you hold her still for an hour after her feeding, if you lay her flat, if you keep her upright, if she takes a nap, it will still come up all over you.  Even if you are not holding her, it seems to have a magnet that will have it follow you wherever you are.

She is a hand/thumb sucker, still likes her paci sometimes and is a great night time sleeper.  She isn't the best day time sleeper, but that's totally ok with me.  I will trade that for a good nights sleep any day of the week.    She loves for me to hold her, loves to be outside, hates the sun on her, and finds Samantha to be the funniest person in the world.  She loves to be free on her belly to explore, as long as she can still see you there. 

Charlotte is no where near sitting up.  Kaitlyn and Samantha both were at this age.  But, she is a lot more mobile than they were.

According to my measurements, Charlotte is measuring at 14 lbs and 10 oz and is 27 inches long.  She is so long.  It's crazy.  She still has all of her hair, which is incredible to me.  She wears 3-6 months in clothes still, but is getting too long.  She wears a size 2 in disposables and is still in the smallest snap rise in cloth.  We're currently doing both.  Mostly cloth, but disposable if we are going to be out of the house for more than a few hours.  She nurses every hour and a half still, but before bed time, she will nurse both sides and then drink a 4 oz bottle of formula.  With the formula she sleeps better at night, and I'm totally ok with that.

Our littlest princess is on her way to being 1 before we know it!

4 months old

On Friday, Charlotte was 4 months old.

I just look at her, my sweet little newborn and am so amazed that she is already so big, so old, so strong and so on her way to being a big girl.

Charlotte still has all of her fluffy auburn hair, but it's getting a lot of golden blonde in there too.  Her eyes are bright blue, and show no intention of changing anytime soon.  She loves to crinkle her little nose and smile big gummy smiles.

She is just growing so fast.  I still have her weighing 13 pounds, but she's being ornery about my measuring her length.  She has her 4 month appointment tomorrow so I should have some accurate measurements to put in then.  She's stretching out of her 3-6 month clothes and when she wears disposable diapers, they are a 2.  (We use cloth at home and disposables if we will be out of the house for 6 hours or more.)

Charlotte is already rolling over front to back and back to front and sometimes will do a couple pretty close together to try and move around.  Then, she gets exhausted and wants to sleep.  And she is a good sleeper.  Not so much during the day, but 8 solid hours every night in her bassinet.  Which, I am very grateful for.

When she's on her belly, she reminds me of a little frog in the water.  She acts like she wants to crawl so bad.  I could see her getting close to figuring it out.  Kaitlyn was a really early crawler, I just hope Charlotte holds off a little bit.

Charlotte is doing just great.  She is showing signs of teething, but I do not see or feel any teeth.  She's nursing 95% of the time and supplementing with formula a couple ounces a week.  She's usually a pretty happy baby, has big belly laughs, says "mamamamamamama" when she's upset, and absolutely loves to be paid attention to.  She's starting to outgrow the paci, unless the conditions are pretty perfect, she's big on sucking on her hand, loves the outdoors and when she's done, she's done.

She's our baby.  She's loved, cuddled on and a big cousin.  She warms our hearts every day.

Busy Days and Sleepless Nights

The last couple of weeks have been somewhat insane.

Earlier this month, we had our first fundraiser of the year for March for Babies.  We had a spaghetti and Bingo feed that raised over $500.  Considering that it required only a little bit of effort and was a ton of fun, I'd say that's a good night!

The week of it though, was rough.  I didn't realize how much I had taken on having an infant, 2 year old and 8 year old, plus waiting until the last minute to do much of the work really took it's toll on me.

In the weeks since then, we've been busy every single day.  I've been cleaning the carpets every week, I've made 8 outfits for Rosie the Moose, I've been grocery shopping, errand running, low calorie and low fat dinner cooking, full time cloth diapering for two'ing, starting the landscaping and parenting 3 beautiful little girls.

I keep thinking, "Ok, as soon as this week is over, next week will be easier."  Who am I kidding?  Obviously, this is how I like things.  And that's ok.

What makes it hard is lack of sleep.  I love sleep.  A full nights is just amazing.  I adore everything about waking up rested to take on the day.  Kaitlyn is a great sleeper.  She can sleep anywhere and is out most nights by 9 without anyone asking her to go to bed.  She sleeps through the night and wakes up at 7:30 in a good mood most days.  Charlotte is a great sleeper.  She is asleep most nights by 9 and sleeps until about 6:30.  In her own little bed in our room.  She barely moves through the night.  It's great.  As I've wrote before, Samantha is a horrible sleeper. 

Samantha's sleep was getting better for a little bit and then got worse.  Last week, after going several days of her sleeping only 4-6 hours in a 24 hour period, I made her a doctor's appointment to discuss some options.
I had been considering utilizing melatonin, but read so much conflicting research on it for 2 year olds that it made me nervous.  It made our doctor a little nervous as well.  So, we decided for now to use a little benadryl to try and help her get sleepy at night and see how that goes after a month.  That was Monday.  Last night was the first night she slept through.  So, we shall see.  She also has these "spells" where she just stares into space and you cannot get her attention.  Nothing you do matters, she doesn't blink, she just stares.  I assumed it was because she was so tired she would just phase us all out.  I was unaware that it could possibly be a form of seizures.  Her doctor thinks it's unlikely but we're going to see a pediatric neurologist just to rule it out.

We went about a week and a half of full time cloth diapering both.  It was a lot more work than I anticipated.  Staying on top of the laundry with a little one who spits up constantly was hard enough, washing 20+ diapers a day made it only harder.  So, for now, Samantha is in pull ups and slowly working on potty training and Charlotte is in cloth.  If we're going to be out of the house for more than 6 hours, we'll use disposable.  I honestly prefer cloth, but I'm also all about saving some time lately.

Life has been busy, exhausting and just amazing.