Dusty and I donate a lot to Goodwill and Weave. I'm a recovering pack rat and Dusty is on his way to recovery. We've been working for the past while to live clutter free and to help Kaitlyn be clutter free. At the end of the day, it's just stuff and we don't really need a ton of it or have to find places for a lot of it that we don't need. I'm not exactly in the most comfortable position to have a yard sale, and none of it is really worth more than $10-20 so selling it online would most likely just result in a headache. Plus, I feel that other places can put the money to better use helping people who really need the help.
Last night, I took two huge bins to Goodwill. It was filled with curtains, lamps, picture frames, some items that had been in Matthew's room to decorate that really didn't hold any sentimental value and we had no reason to keep and a lot of toys and stuffed animals. The gentleman that helped me was incredibly friendly. The toys led us to a discussion on children. His parents raised 11 and he was raising several. He was just so nice and so kind, he said his goal in raising his kids was to give them everything they needed and half of what they wanted. I had to much respect for that.
But, I digress and worry that I'm going to end up all over the place. I realized as I drove away that I am blessed in life and I do believe God puts people in our lives for a reason.
I'm at a place that 2 years and 9 1/2 months ago, or even this time a year ago I never thought I would be at. I am happy, I know that I have a good life and I don't feel guilty about it. Obviously if I was ever granted the opportunity to go back in time or if I could have one wish, Matthew would be here. There isn't anything I wouldn't give to have him in our lives. But, I know how blessed in life I am.
I am married to an amazing man who loves me and our family and would do anything for us. I know that if I told Dusty I was thirsty and only wanted Iced Tea, he would hop out of bed right this second and go make it or get it for me without a second thought. He is constantly doing things for us and does it with a smile asking for nothing in return.
I have a beautiful, smart and loving little girl who I believe is wise beyond her years. Kaitlyn has a heart of gold and is always worried about the happiness of other people. She is a sensitive soul who cares so much for everyone around her, regardless of whether or not she knows them and is constantly thinking of things on her own to bring joy to others. She is genuinely happy and I love being around her, she is so full of life. She has experienced so much sadness in her life and I wish there could have been someway that I could have sheltered her from it, but in that sadness she has grown into this person I am so proud of.
I have a wonderful little boy who blessed our lives for hours, days, weeks and months longer than any doctors expected. I truly believe that Matthew lived as long as he did as a reward from God, as truly a gift. Even though his life was short, it was filled with so much joy and so much happiness. He brought so many gifts into our lives and left them even after he said good-bye. He taught us patience and he taught us extreme gratitude and not to take anything in life for granted. He filled our lives with so much happiness in his 70 days here and I would do it all over again for another hug, kiss or chance to hold or even just look into his eyes.
And here we are, after experiencing 3 miscarriages in 10 months without a single answer, we're having a baby. After being told that we would more than likely rupture in this pregnancy earlier than we did with Matthew, here we are, further along with no problems in sight. We have a little girl growing, kicking and flipping inside of my belly making it known that she will be here.
We have a happy life, despite the hardships we've endured. We've put the ultimate strain on our relationship and our family and have gotten through it stronger. We do not have the happiness and joy in our life purely because of being given it, we have it because we chose it. Everyday we are given situations that are out of our control, what is in our control is how we chose to handle those situations. Life is just so short and such a blessing I cannot imagine doing anything other than embracing it, wholeheartedly, and with everything we have to give.
I feel incredibly fortunate to have the life we have, despite the sadness we've had to face.