12/27/06

New Year's Resolutions

Typically, the end of one year and the beginning of another is a time for self reflection. It is the time that we list our faults and resolve to repair those faults prior to the end of the following year. Gym memberships, nicorette gum, and AA meetings all benefit for the first months of the new year, then decline again until the following January.

For the last few weeks, I've been thinking about my resolutions. What about me do I want to change? What about me do I not like?

There are of course some easy things: I would like to gain weight, I would like to travel more. But in actuality, those are resolutions, they are goals. I have already resolved to gain weight with minimal sucess regardless of the thousands of calories I consume daily.

When it comes down to it, I like me. I used to be obsessed and worried about how the world saw me. I would change who I was, I would bite my tongue, and I would deal with a lot of unnecessary "crap" so that I could be liked. This past year, I learned something. I made a realization. Those that I am trying to make like me are ones that think they know me. They believe they have me all figured out and I'm a royal bitch. Do you know what I learned? Those that think they know me typically know the least about me. Instead, they are part of a group that decides what people are like ahead of time and them contort every situation to mold that person into their perception. I do not need people like that to like me, so I gave up. I figure, I fill my time with enough, why add to it. And, I've continued that philosophy with new people in my life as well as old throughout the entire year. Life is a lot less stressful this way.

There are so many things about myself that I learned this year. I may not be perfect, but I enjoy working my way to that point. I have an amazing husband who I love more and more every day. I have the great joy and honor of being the mommy to an incredible little girl who makes me giggle all throughout the day. I am surrounded by family and friends that are always there for me. I learned that I do nice things because I like too, it brings me joy. I like being busy. I enjoy a challenge. My favorite times invlove being surrounded my the people I lvoe. I don't have to go out everyday. I enjoy hot chocolate as much as a hard drink. And Barney just might not be the devil, he just doesn't have to be my friend too lol!

When it comes down to it, I don't have any regrets this year. I'm happy, healthy and so is my family. What more could I ask for? I know that if I were told I had a terminal disease and had 30 days to live, there isn't much I would do differently. I think I am living my life how it was meant to be lived and I am happy.

I will say this, without the love, support, and friendship of those in my lives, I don't know that I would be able to say the same. Thank you so much for all that you have done and said.


This New Years, I resolve to be me. I resolve to not change anything, however I do goal myself o gain 20 or so pounds ;)

12/21/06

There are aspects of my job that I love. I love meeting new people, I love getting to know the people who live here, I love the opportunity to shape our own community and I love the flexibility of it all.

There are things I don't mind doing. I don't mind dealing with most tenant disputes. I think its good practice for real life to diffuse "ugly" situations. I don't mind doing the grounds. Kaitlyn rides along on her bike or in her wagon and I get a great deal of satisfaction out of it. Plus, we get to be outside. I don't mind doing move-out paperwork, I enjoy the satisfaction of either charging the hell out of someone who trashed an apartment or giving back an entire deposit to someone who worked hard to clean their unit. I don't mind the tediousness of move-in paperwork. It's so repetitive it's nearly relaxing.

There are things I don't like doing. I don't like wearing a pager all the time. I don't like explaining that "No, having 1 of your 8 bathroom light bulbs is not a major emergency, I don't care if you can't apply your make-up, it's after 11 PM." Or the "Well, you were told for 6 months to remove the trash from your balcony, you were specifically told a day and time it would be removed for you, you were told and watched while it was hauled away so No, I'm not responsible for replacing your 1991 Jane Fonda Work out tape."

Then there are things I HATE. I HATE cleaning the laundry room. A laundry room is a place where you take something dirty and make it CLEAN. So then, why do you insist on a DAILY basis to trash it? Why do people live like that? It's as though they are in the middle of doing laundry, have the door propped open with the garbage can (after complaining that the washers were stolen you continue to leave the door open all hours of the night) 2.4 feet away from them and think that is much to far to walk. I should toss my opened bottle of detergent with remnants in it and when it not only splatters everywhere, but the bottle doesn't even make it to the trash, let's shrug our shoulders and say "it isn't my job" and continue to be a slob. I also HATE realizing what kind of trash and demise people will live in. You learn this quick after your first lock out eviction. The last unit hadn't had power in MONTHS yet had dairy products in the fridge. Yummy that smelled good. And of course the eggs that were smashed into the carpet were a lovely touch. What I really enjoyed though was the hole they left in the wall in an attempt to splice into electricity outside. Ugh, what a disgusting society we must live in.

Don't get me wrong, it's a great job. I am incredibly lucky to be able to stay at home with my princess. There are enough lulls in the day where we can have a lot of mommy and me time and I have no problem putting up the "Closed" sign and locking the office up if we need more. We get to spend all of our time together playing, learning and creating memories. I just do not understand people!!!

So, in a nice venting list, here are the five worst things I've seen/dealt with:

5. Hypodermic needles hidden in a "Parenting" magazine after move-out. They were not diabetic.
4. A living room whose floor looked like a dumpster, wrappers and maggots included
3. The tenant who explained that it wasn't his fault he hadn't paid the rent, his church was supposed to pay since they knew he spent all his money on crack
2. The woman living in her VAN with her maybe 1 year old son, SHOOTING UP in the parking lot.
1. Our door on fire.

However, here are the 5 nicest things I've seen here:

5. A tenant collecting at least 2 trucks filled with toys for charity.
4. A collection taken for a young mother on hard times to pay her rent.
3. Lots and Lots of yummy treats, cards and thank you for the work I put in J
2. A tenant helping her elderly neighbor for HOURS a day for pure satisfaction and joy.
1. The sweetest couple who daily thank god and every American they see for the opportunity to be in such a great county. (These are actually one of my favorite tenants, they are incredibly sweet)

12/20/06

Yay for Christmas.

Well, I'm officially there. You know, the place where nothing can bother you because it's Christmas!! It's the best time of year. It's the time when people have warm hearts, merry spirits and children behave as soon as you mention Santa.

I am really excited about Christmas this year. More so than I can remember in all of my teen and adult years. Christmas is absolutely, positively about the kids. It truly is. I don't think I grasped that concept as clearly as I do know until I had children.

Kaitlyn's first Christmas she was a month old. Her Christmas Eve and Christmas morning mainly consisted of sleeping through EVERYTHING, all the food, all the hot chocolate, all the presents. She actually slept on my lap while I tediously opened all of her presents. She had so many that year. I mean, mounds of presents. Even Dusty and I bought her way too much. The funny part is that I wrapped all of her presents. Seriously, what was I thinking?? How in the world did I think a 6 week old baby was going to open presents? It took me a week to get them all unwrapped, unpackaged and put away.

Last year I was really excited about Christmas. The day before Christmas Eve, Kaitlyn started to get sick. We spent about 6 hours in the ER that night with a little girl who couldn't stop vomiting, had awful diarrhea and was incredibly lethargic. The ER was crowded and didn't have a single bed, chair or changing table to admit her into. So, we were sent home with the instructions to give her ¼ ounce of fluids every 10 minutes. She stayed sick on Christmas Eve. Christmas morning I thought for sure she would be better. We left her "Santa" gift out in front of the tree only wrapped with a bow. It was the Radio Flyer Ride on that made real astronaut noises. Oh she loved it. She was enamored with every aspect of it. She didn't really open many presents, but she seemed to be feeling better. I put a pretty dress on her and we decided to head to Denny's for some yummy breakfast. We waited an hour and a half for food to come. As food made it's way to our table, it happened. Kaitlyn threw up all over me, all over her, all over the table, all over the chairs, all over the floor, everywhere. It was disgusting, warm, and miserable. So, no food for us. We headed home, I changed and we went to my parent's. Kaitlyn enjoyed the festivities at first, but quickly became lethargic again. We ended up home far earlier than we ever had before. The day after Christmas she was in the hospital at Kaiser with the Rotavirus. She had about 12 hours of IV fluids, glucose and sodium. She was severely dehydrated but because she cried tears, no one listened to how wrong I said she was.

This year, she is in good health, knock on wood. This year she LOVES Santa. This year gets excited about Christmas lights, this year she points out reindeer. This year, she looks at the presents flowing from under the tree like they are mounds of pure pink frosting and chocolate sprinkles. This year, we have been blessed with the magic of Christmas.

I have reached the delirious point. Staying up past midnight most night wrapping presents, making presents, preparing presents for shipping, addressing cards and figuring out the best camera angles for Christmas morning. I can easily say that NOTHING can take this joy from me. I am so excited. I love that we have Kaitlyn and of course my gorgeous niece Camaryn this year at an age where Christmas means something. I love kids at Christmas; it makes the long hours, hard work and expense more than worth it. I know that I am going to have a hard time going to sleep Christmas eve knowing that Santa will have visited through the night and Kaitlyn can wake up to a HUGE surprise. I am so happy that Christmas is in a few days.

I have been working on spreading Christmas cheer. I want everyone to feel the excitement that we have been given. I've sent out quite a few cards, mailed out ornaments this morning, mailed presents this morning, wrapped presents, wished everyone I see a Merry Christmas and eaten more turkey, potatoes and cookies than I could ever imagine. As a matter of fact, I think that I need a cup of hot chocolate in this weather…

I hope everyone has a blessed, happy, miraculous, amazing, magical, fantastic, merry Christmas and the best of New Years. Be safe, be joyous and spread that good cheer.

12/13/06

And so it begins....
Current mood: annoyed

The tenant whom I KNOW set fire to our door has received his 30 day notice to terminate his tenancy.

I overheard him outside my window talking about the fire with another tenant. Of course, there isn't anything the police or fire department can do with the information, but it sure does irk me. I have more than enough tenant complaints on him and after his last violation of the rental agreement I was eager to serve him notice.

I knew this would not be pretty. I knew this would be a hellish 30 days. I knew it would be worth it. I knew this would be a better community without him. I knew my job would be easier and better without his presense.

Today it started. He is disabled and wears diapers. Under our window he left a box of his used diapers, his trash, his cigarrette butts and his 30 day notice. While I am unsure if he knew he did this, he placed all of the "items" into a box with HIS NAME and HIS ADDRESS all over it. Silly man.

There was a similar box under a stair well, and of course all of his junk mail strewn in front of the mailboxes, again with HIS NAME all over it.

Then, to top it all of was the "DA DA DUM" feces he left in front of his door. That's right folks, he relieved himself in front of his door. Why didn't he make it to the bathroom? I don't know, maybe he spent too much time putting out boxes of trash or he used all his diapers making a point. Regardless, EWWW

Of course, I photographed it all. Sighed and figured only 1 more month of him and his ways.

12/12/06

Everywhere I turn!! I absolutely LOVE it!!

There is something so magical about ths time of year. Everything is so festive and beautiful and people are different. All of a sudden old and young believe Santa is watching over them and start craming as many good deeds and well wishes as possible into the month.

I have a tendancy to do too much this time of year. I buy way too much for the ones I love. I also have a tendancy to cram as many activities as possible into a single month and 3 weekends! This year, I'm trying to do better.

I have limited my shopping, or tried to at least. We cut back our gift and holiday card list to those that mean the most to us. We have had at least one night a week at home, resting and relaxing.

Christmas is such a special time and this year it is even more special because Kaitlyn enjoys and appreciates so many aspects of it. She LOVES "Santa! Santa" and oohhhes and awwwes at all the lights. I love being a part of such a magical time in her life. I also love that she has Camaryn to share it all with. Things are so much more special when someone in your generation is there to share it with.

My biggest fear the last couple of years is that Christmas will mean more about what's under the tree than the magic of the holiday for Kaitlyn. I want to preserve as many of these good feelings and good times that are unrelated to gifts for her.

My favorite part about Christmas is seeing everyone you love gathered in the same warm and cozy home, sipping hot chocolate, wearing their Sunday best and a little more eager for me to snap their photo. Christmas to me is such a magical time because everyone is together, everyone is filled with love and warm fuzzies.

What does Christmas mean to you? What are your favorite traditions?

12/9/06

Where for the most part, everything goes splendidly?

I had one yesterday. It had a couple of hiccups in it, but for the most part it was amazing.

It all started with me being able to sleep in until 7:15, normally I'm up at 6, Dusty already having his clothes ironed and Kaitlyn still snoozing.

I took a shower and got ready for the day without a fuss from Kaitlyn or Archie, which can be a rare feat some days.

We started working with a slow morning. Kaitlyn and I played a lot, she was really giggly. She ate her breakfast like a good girl, drank her milk and juice from a cup, without a straw and was happy.

Before lunch we went on a nice long walk where Kaitlyn said Hello and Bye to every person, animal and inanimate object we passed.

We ate our yummy lunch and Kaitlyn settled in for Sesame Street, her favorite. She was so excited to see her "friends" that she sang with them, talked to them and blew them kisses when they were over.

Normally, that's Kaitlyn's nap time. She didn't show any signs of tiredness so we had coloring time. Kaitlyn used her markers to practice her circles and kept saying "Look Mommy" to point out what she'd drawn.

After coloring we had a snack. Then things got busy. Within 2 hours, Kaitlyn and I showed an apartment 9 times. Being as how I have 7 vacancies and haven't had ANY phone or foot traffic, this was good. Kaitlyn was so friendly to everyone! We were able to rent 2 apartments on the spot with another returning on Saturday! I know I couldn't have done it without her!

After all that work, we needed dinner. I cooked dinner while Kaitlyn cleaned up her toys. Before we knew it, Daddy was home! I don't know who was more excited, Kaitlyn or Archie.

Dusty had enough time to hug them both before it was time for dinner. Kaitlyn was such a good girl. She ate her food and was really good about not feeding Archie. Dusty and I ate, cleaned up and ran Kaitlyn's bath water.

Dusty started Kaitlyn's bath and I finished. When she was nice and clean she got to get out and wear her favorite monkey towel. She is so cute when she has it on. We got jammies on (and she said jammies!! YAY!!) and she sat on the bathroom counter while I blow-dried her hair. She is such a big girl.

It was playtime for a couple of hours before bed. Kaitlyn still has a cold so Dusty offered to cuddle with her in our bed to help her sleep. So, that meant I had mommy time! yay!!

I've been bad about Kaitlyn's website. I only change the background every month and I'd like to twice a month, at least. The problem is, I've added so much that it's 45 pages of html code that has to be changed to get it how I like it.

So, I worked on her Thanksgiving website so I can change it on the 19th! In an hour I was able to get the hardest 30 pages done and ready! I was so proud!

I also got directions printed and Kaitlyn's bag packed. Today we are going to SF. Kaitlyn's on hold for a Gymboree shoot and they want to do a pre-fit go-see tomorrow morning. She's also been scouted by a competing agency so I agreed to meet with them and see what they are all about.

Plus tonight I have a hair appointment. I have no idea what I want to do other than something "different, but not gaudy" haha. Kaitlyn's going too so she can get a trim and Auntie Christina has the appointment right before us, so she's going too!

On another subject that Dusty and I dealt with yesterday, parenting is not an easy adventure. It is incredibly enjoyable, but it's also a lot of work. It is filled with a lot of decision making and some decisions are easier than others. What works for and what is good for one family may not be good for another.

I am really proud of Dusty for making a tough decision recently. He chose to do what is best for the three of us rather than what would be easiest. It reminded me once again why I love him. I am incredibly proud that he held his ground in his decision and am thrilled with the amount of love and support he has given me. He truly puts Kaitlyn and I, our feelings, our needs and our well-being, first and I couldn't ask for anything more in life.

I would also like to thank everyone that has respected and supported our decision, regardless of their own personal opinion. We understand that what is right for us isn't right for everyone and appreciate others that feel the same about our decisions. Family is the greatest thing in the world. It's your greatest and strongest foundation. We are proud that our foundation is made from such a great level of quality, it makes it even more apparhent that quality far outranks quantity anyday.

12/6/06

Lawsuits are ruining our country
Current mood: disappointed

It seems in our country these days society has come to believe that if something bad happens to you lots of money will make it better. People now look for lawsuits; they seek out reasons to sue someone else regardless of whether or not it is ethically or morally right. Those people seek out technicalities and loopholes in the law meant to help those with serious issues and use them for their own financial gain. These people make me sick.

Because of the sue happy society we currently live in people are scared to do what's right. Law enforcement is scared to do its job because god forbid you accuse someone of something that is of a different race than you, you will automatically be seen as a racist. Officers of our time now will not make an arrest without bona fide, 100% without a doubt evidence. If they dare to make an innocent mistake and the wrong man is accused there goes their job and their future.

On Sunday we had our door set aflame. Although someone attempted to burn down the home my family lives in I could not imagine using it as a "get rich quick" scheme. Am I upset and stressed about it? Yes I am. However, that doesn't mean I am going to expect my employer to cover the costs of me going out on stress for something that is not their fault. I also wouldn't dream of suing them for financial gain, they did not set the fire, why in the world should they be financially responsible for it? I hope to think it is because I have been raised with good ethics, morals and *gasp* a conscience. That isn't to say that if they offered something to compensate me for my time and belongings I wouldn't accept it, I would, but I do not feel entitled to anything.

We know who committed the crime. We have a witness who watched him shove an item into the mail slot around the time the fire was started. He admits to struggling to get something into the mail slot. The rest of his story doesn't add up, yet the police cannot charge him. They have to have a slam dunk case against him to arrest him since he is both black and handicapped and already screaming discrimination. So, he is free to do as he pleases while the investigation continues. I am having a hard time evicting him legally for the same reasons. He will sue. He will state that his eviction had nothing to do with the numerous violations of his rental agreement, his constant harassment of myself or other tenants, or the allegations that he lit a part of my home and my life on fire and everything to do with the fact that he is black and handicapped.

Don't get me wrong. I do believe there are many instances where lawsuits are necessary. I do believe that if someone is at fault for loss of personal property, life or medical bills the RESPONSIBLE party should pay for those fees. I am aware that there are many, many good people who seek legal representation in cases such as those that are legitimate. My irritation rests with those that go after the wrong people just because they have more money, the people who use scummy lawyers and think that if they say this or they say that they are entitled to financial gain. The law was never written so that people could gain from misfortune, rather it was written so that people would not end up with less than what they had when someone else takes it from them.

I do believe that there is prejudice in our judicial system as well as our society. Do I believe that every officer is a racist pig with the intent of putting away every non-Caucasian? HHell no I don't believe that! While I do believe there are incidents where people are wrongly accused and incarcerated because of the color of their skin, I do not believe that is the norm. I do not think it's right to throw around the race card at every chance in hopes that it'll get you off as it did OJ, nor do I think it's right to sue police departments and the government if you happen to be wrongly accused (or rightfully in that matter) and of a different nationality than the arresting officer(s).

And on the same subject, I know who is guilty of the crime of arson and attempted burglary. I am confident that he will be brought to justice. He is black, handicapped and thinks he's ghetto. Does that mean I will be scared of all blacks in the future? No it doesn't. I am a fully capable person, blessed with the ability to think on my own and reason in a sensible way. I am completely aware that there are ignorant, crazy, psychotic, cowardly jerks in every city, state and county in all shapes, sizes and colors. To think otherwise would make me no better than he. He is a complete nut job and I look forward to the day he is in prison serving a long sentence.

I do hope that those who are responsible for filing such frivolous lawsuits will grow a brain and a heart and realize how bad it is for our nation. Please take a step back and ask if you want to live in a nation where the law cannot be enforced by officers because they are too fearful of losing their jobs. If everyone makes an effort to come to the conclusion that bad things happen to everyone all over the world and it's a part of what makes life go round, perhaps we can put an end to this awful pattern we have fallen into. When bad things happen we can do one of two things: Learn, grow and become stronger from the experience OR be shameful and find the first possible person that *could* be held liable, regardless of whether or not they did it and sue the hell out of them like a shameless beast. The decision is yours.

11/20/06

Birthday Pictures!!

I would love to post them here, but there are over 200!!

Kaitlyn is now 2!!

Kaitlyn had a great birthday! Despite coming down with a double ear infection on the night of her birthday and the eve of her party, she was in good spirits! She had a fun playing with all of her friends and loved the Tiger Uncle Davey made her with Balloon animals. Thank you everyone who was able to make it!

For those that weren't able to make it (and those that were), Kaitlyn's website has been updated with 264 new pictures since Friday morning! These include her new headshots, pictures from Uncle Dennis's suprise party and nearly 200 from her own birthday party! There are even new pics of Kaitlyn and her bestest cousin, and Kaitlyn's holiday pictures!

Her website has been completely updated to a new Thanksgiving theme!

Be sure to check it all out, read the new stories and sign the guestbook! It would be great if you'd put yourself on her map if you haven't already!

Check out KaitlynReagan.com!

Thanks and have a great day!!

11/19/06

In the blink of an eye, Kaitlyn, our little princess turned 2. Somehow, time managed to pass us so incredibly quickly. Only two years ago, we anxiously awaited her arrival. We carefully cleaned everything, laid out her first outfit and packed our bags waiting for time to hurry up and pass so that we could meet our angel. At 9:02 PM on Novmeber 17, 2004 we hit a time bump. All of a sudden, we were in warp speed. I desperatly clung to every smell, every memory, every sight; religiously writing everything possible in her baby book and snapping pictures every 3.5 seconds. It didn't work, time didn't slow down.

After the first year, I figured that she had grown so much and it slipped by us so fast, it is impossible that it could happen again. The second year had fewer milestones, she could already walk, climb and communicate with us. The second year was all fun, slow fun, and memories galore. I was right about the memories. But, on November 17, 2005 at 9:02 PM, time hit another bump and everything went even faster. In less time than it takes to boil an egg Kaitlyn turned into a little girl. She morphed into this typically well mannered little lady. She taught us what SHE likes, what SHE wants and WHO SHE is. She has taught us so much and become such an independent, headstrong and amazing little girl.

In two years, Kaitlyn has managed to grasp a hold of everything that we are. She has changed us in so many ways, and I am so incredibly proud and happy to have her in our lives. I know that Kaitlyn is destined to do and be many great things. Strangers notice this of her on first meeting. It's who she is. I feel so honored to have been intrusted to care for and raise Kaitlyn. I am so proud of the oppurtunity to be her mother. I am so happy that I have the oppurtunity to introduce her to the world. I get to be the one that introduces her to the moon, the stars, the flowers, the bees, everything imaginable. I also get the oppurtunity to be re-introduced to the moon, the stars, the flowers and the bees. Kaitlyn makes every day a brighter happier day. She is the prime example of what it is to revisit the world through a child's eyes. We love her so much.

Kaitlyn's birthday party was yesterday. After months of hard work, it was a brown and pink success! Considering that Kaitlyn had a double ear infection (we made a trip to urgent care Saturday morning), she was in great spirits and had a blast. There were a lot of friends and relatives there who love her very much. She had no desire to open presents, but found some joy in quite a few of them and in the end, made out like a bandit! After the clean-up, we did another birthday cake I had bought for her to have on her birthday (she didn't get to have it because she was sick and fell asleep), Kaitlyn eagerly and excitedly ate her Banana Split Ice Cream cake! When she was done, she practiced using the doors on her brand new Cadillac, courtesy of Grandma and Grandpa!

Thank you so much for everyone who helped out with Kaitlyn's party. It was a lot of work and couldn't have been done without you.

I have updated her website for Thanksgiving and hope to have birthday pics up soon!

10/26/06

Halloween

Well, tomorrow is Halloween. Well, maybe not October 31, but it is the grown-up's Halloween. For one evening we get to trade in our mommy and daddy costumes, complete with the reponsibility that comes with them and dress up to be someone else. We get to see our friends in sexy costumes that will leave absolutely nothing to the imagination, believe me, I've seen them, nothing is left to the imagination.

We get a night where we trade in our lives, be them interesting or boring and become someone else. Now that we are grown-ups, we get to be the naughty version of any character, trade proffessional, or animal that your mind can imagine. We get to have a night filled with tricks and treats as a whole new person. It ought to be fun.

I was thinking of this today and I ran down the things I need to do to finish the costumes Dusty and I will be wearing, we are so lucky to have the friends, family and life that we have.

And... we are getting old. Not like middle age, but darn near close to it. We have a toddler who is turning 2. We have a whole other person that we created that is smart and creative and her own person.

Life is just flying by at a pace that I cannot seem to slow down. I want to soak up every minute of every hour of every day. Maybe that's why I take so many pictures, then I can relive every event that happens, I can put it in slow motion and have it be that day and that moment all over again, even if it really isn't.

While I spend today emotionally reflected all of the time that has passed, all the time that is passing and everything that we are enjoying I will also know that tomorrow I am taking my drunken pilot to a party, surrounded by friends to have a ball.

09/15/06

The ban on skinny models.

If you've been following any of the new fashion news, you may have heard about the recent ban being imposed for fashion week. Models deemed to skinny are banned from the runway in Madrid. 4 countries are currently seeking legislation to ban what they deem to be too skinny of models from modeling.

The reason behind the move is that models are now to blame for diseases such as anorexia and bulimia. If the ban passes, models must have a BMI of at least 18 AND wear at least a size 8. Even if you are naturally skinny and have the natural ability to burn through food faster than you can eat it, you are still not welcomed to model in those countries.

There are a couple of things that amaze me about this story. The first is the blatant discrimination against people based on their size. If a ban was to be passed that plus size models can't be anything overweight because it could be a sign of an eating disorder there would be a public outcry. The second that really bothers me is that this article was introduced the same day a study came out stating that America is at the "fattest" it's ever been with there now being more obese people than ever before.

Essentially what this ban is telling me is that being overweight is ONLY caused by a medical condition and those that are should be allowed to be that way BUT those that are underweight are all anorexic and bulimic. Those writing the article are telling the world that everyone under a size 8 starves themselves or throws up to maintain their size.

Personally, I know quite a few people who have a BMI under 18.5. Mine is only 15. I've never starved myself and I've never thrown up. I honestly don't know anyone who has. However, once this ban goes into effect, the countries that enforce it will be telling the world that I, and all other skinny people, must have an eating disorder.

I work really hard to maintain and gain weight. I use appetite stimulants to increase how much I eat, I use weight gainer in an attempt to get closer to society's definition of normal and I accept the fact that unless I'm pregnant, I will not wear a size 8 anytime in the near future.

It sickens me enough to hear whispers on a regular basis regarding my weight, it disgusts me to hear rumors that have been spread about my weight, and it saddens me to know that because of people like the organizers of this event, it will be even worse.

If Fashion week is attempting to set a better example for teenage girls through their models, maybe it would be better to pass bans on drugs. Kate Moss shouldn't be used as role model to teens, but I think that has more to do with the candid pictures of her snorting cocaine up her nose. Or hey, why not pass a ban on smoking because well dressed, beautiful women are constantly photographed smoking and some young girl will probably imitate that as well.

In listening to the Armstrong and Getty show this morning (Don't bash me, I'm a huge talk radio fan, Especially Michael Savage) I listened to them totally and completely bash women who are a size 0. How unattractive they are, how no one they have ever known could be attracted to someone like that and the same old jokes about a skinny turning sideways and you losing them. Since I had Kaitlyn in the car I changed the station. Sure, she's not old enough to understand but I still don't like to have her listen to such a disgusting rant on body image regardless of which way it's slanted.

So, my point is this: Unless you've walked in the shoes of someone else, don't make assumptions about their life styles. Not all skinny people have eating disorders or drug addictions and not all fat people are lazy overeaters.

And, I guess I won't be changing careers anytime soon....

09/14/06

A Few things I noticed the last couple of days...

A few things I've noticed the past couple of days…

Yesterday, Dusty and I were driving to pick up his car to take it to another repair shop. The car was at the Ford Dealership on Florin Road. It was about 5:30, while traffic was backed up on the freeway, all of the side streets were flowing nicely.

We were at a stop light when we noticed a boy, maybe 15 taking off down the street. We had no idea where he was going so fast and could only assume that he just recently got out of school or sports because he had his backpack off and we weren't far from Luther Burbank. After a moment, we saw why he was running so fast. There was a bus stop up ahead and the bus was barely ahead of him. The bus stopped, noticed he was running and ignored him. The bus was stopped for maybe 10 seconds, as this boy got to the bus, it took off. He chased after it for a moment then gave up.

Who in the hell does this bus driver think he/she is?? How dare you do that to a child?? Yes, I know busses need to run on a schedule, but how far behind would 10 seconds put him? What was he teaching this child? That if you run as fast as you can and try to do right then life can still pass you bye without a second glance?

Sure, he was probably 15, but that is still a child? Why does society feel such a need to be disrespectful and unable to budge when it comes to the well being of a child?

I was livid. Let me tell you, that bus driver is lucky that I am not that boys mother because I would be raising so much hell right now…

Kaitlyn had a shoot in San Francisco this morning. I love San Francisco. There are things about San Francisco that I don't like and many, many reasons I would never live there though.

I will not be the slightest bit surprised when San Francisco decides to become its own state, hell, I won't be surprised when it becomes its own country and leaves the Union. In so many ways, I think it's halfway there. Look at the new laws being introduced into San Francisco: the higher minimum wage, the no handgun legislation, the social programs, the constant disregard and disrespect of laws that are in effect for the state and the country.

I can handle the anti-conservative vibe, talk and outcry in San Francisco. I can handle being considered a bigot because I am in favor of immigration, I can handle being cold hearted for my views on the sanctity of marriage, and I can even handle being a war mongrel for supporting the president and the war. I can handle those things because I know that I believe what is right for me based on my life, lifestyle and experiences. Liberals do the same. I like to think I'm not as hateful about it though.

What I cannot handle is how ugly they have allowed the city to become. San Francisco is supposed to be a landmark, a tourist attraction, a beautiful city by the sea. In reality I would be ashamed and embarrassed to take friends or family that are visiting to that city. People leave their garbage EVERYWHERE. Liter is all over the streets. Homeless people are forceful and harassing if you do not give them money. The worst though is this: How can a city allow billions after billions to be spent on gorgeous sky scraper buildings that look amazing from so far away to CONSTANTLY be enveloped in graffiti?? Seriously, why isn't something being done to prevent it, clean it, prosecute those doing it and preserving the beauty of the city? I HATE that when I am on the opposite side of the bay bridge in Emeryville I look at the city with such amazement and such an awe of respect for the incredible beauty that it is, yet when I am exiting the bay bridge in Downtown San Francisco, I am totally disgusted by the graffiti everywhere. I despise filth, I truly do.

Well, that's my rant for the day

08/07/06

This time 2 years ago, I was awaiting a new cake. In maternity clothes, with my hair up and finishing the make-up.

That's right, today, Dusty and I celebrate 2 years of Holy Matrimony.

Our wedding was perfect. Sure, things happened that sucked. For example on the way over to the location (Christy and Dennis's house) our cake fell in my grandma's car. Not just a smudge here or there that could be touched up, but crumbled into little pieces with smeared frosting all along the back window. It was ugly, but a delicious morning appetizer. Thank goodness that the Bel-Air down the street could whip something up without any notice.

I had the best bridal party a lady could ask for. My sister's were the maids of honors. They were incredibly helpful and insured that my dress fit properly. It was a size 8 (well, I was what, 3 months from delivering what would you expect) and laced all the way up the back. It was so hot. Christy was a bridesmaid as was Felecia and Daphne. Daphne was a godsend. I had originally asked someone else to be a bridesmaid, but she backed out after I had bought and paid for the unreturnable dress. It was much to big for our little Daphne. She found an amazing seamstress who performed a miracle. Jen did our hair and make-up and I was so impressed that she still does my hair to this day.

Dusty's groomsmen were pretty awesome too. He had 2 best men, Billy and his cousin Allen. For groomsmen he had Chet, Dennis and my brother Scott. They all looked so hot in their tuxes. They did a lot of heavy lifting out there in that heat!

We had an outdoor, backyard ceremony surrounded by our family and friends. It was a beach theme in pink and sage green. We had a sand aisle and the girls all went barefoot. My Aunt flew out from NY with her two gorgeous little girls who were flower girls. We used Gerber daises everywhere. The food was delicious. The toasts were funny, sweet, romantic and filled with love.

Our rehearsal dinner the night before was a lot of work. We kept the food light since who wants to eat a heavy dinner in the hot sun? Not I said the pregnant lady at the time. A couple of weeks prior, we were in a car accident. A drunk driver hit us and caused quite a scare. It also created the perfect reason for me to keep cool inside while the work outside was done. I was so happy and so impressed that nothing and no one could get to me. How could it? I was marrying the man I was most deeply in love with.

The day and the night were gorgeous. Sure, we baked a bit and going outside today I wish we would have had this weather, but you can't beat perfect. Looking back on the event, I wouldn't change a thing. It was a wonderful day filled with happy memories and those that meant the most to us were there, included in the ceremony and in the start of our new lives together. I think everyone's role in our ceremony was perfect and symbolizes so much. I'm glad that those that meant so much to us then still do.

Two years later and I would do it all over again. Dusty is a great dad, although at times I am sure Kaitlyn would call him irritating, but she also loves him so much and that is such an amazing thing to be witness too. We have settled into our lives as a family and couldn't be any happier.

Has part of my flashback, I thought I might share some pictures of that happy day! These are the ones I already had on my computer. I really should scan some more though. Why we don't have digital I don't know.

06/27/06

Revenge is Sweet

Over the past few months I have come to terms with the fact that there is true evil in the world. There are people who will make any and every attempt to tear down anyone they believe might have something positive going just because they don't have it in their life.

I am not exactly a religious person. I do not know what I believe in regards to god and the role he/she does/doesn't play in our lives. Sometimes I think that if I were to accept religion I may be able to deal with evil people much better. Then I could say, "It's god's plan" or "God will judge them therefore I do not need to" However, I don't feel comfortable thinking that way since I do not know if I necessarily believe that.

I recently took one of those myspace surveys. "what religion are you" and was surprised by some of the questions. One of the questions has sat on my mind ever since. The question basically asked "Do you believe that people are evil?" followed by "Do you believe that people do evil things out of weakness?" I have to say, I believe both.

From experience I know that there are evil people in this world. People that I wouldn't trust to not step on a puppy dog if it was in the way of what they wanted. At the same time I believe that some of the things evil people do is out of weakness.

Revenge is sweet. I LOVE and live for revenge. I think revenge is one of the greatest gifts we have. We have this power to turn on those that have hurt us and hurt them back in rage and hostility. That doesn't mean revenge is a good thing. Revenge gives you such a euphoric high, a feeling of satisfaction and that feeling that you are the victor.

Well, I'm a mom now. I love my little girl and would never do anything to cause her to think less of me. I constantly find myself thinking "would I want Kaitlyn to do this" before I act. So, Revenge is something that I try not to practice. Revenge is the weak way out. It is far harder to sit back and ignore the evil bitterness of others and to not respond to their childish antics.

Life isn't always easy. Sometimes you face really hard choices. At the end of the day, I am really proud of myself for I took the road far less traveled. I am riding along on the rocky trail so Kaitlyn doesn't have to fight this battle when she's older. Sure revenge would be awesome, and giving in and playing nice would be easier, but I'm not that easily broken. I may be evil, but I'm not weak.

Anywho, a quick update! Thanks everyone for the birthday wishes. I am now officially 24 and 3 days old. I don't feel a day over 30 though. Kaitlyn is doing awesome. She is always suprising me! Dusty is doing pretty good. He joined a second softball team and really seems to enjoy it which is nice. We go out and cheer him on whenever we can!

Hugs and Kisses!

05/31/06

We just got an e-mail from the director of "Fear of Flight" with a thank you and some comments about Kaitlyn I thought I would share:

"Kaitlyn and the Miller family. What a precious little gem you have for
a daughter. She is already quite an actress....totally gave me what I
needed...when I needed. Amazing...it was like she was reading my mind. :~)"

And another from one of the actresses:

" I HAVE BEEN ON LOTS OF SHOOTS, BUT NONE WITH SUCH AN ENTIRELY INCREDIBLY NICE GROUP OF PEOPLE AND ALL SO TALENTED TOO!! I THOUGHT SAM, COURTNEY, THE BABY--EVERYONE ELSE WERE AMAZING.! MUCH, MUCH TALENT THERE. "

We're proud parents, can you tell?

It looks as though the film will debut at the Sacramento International Film Festival in August. As I get more details, I'll gladly share so anyone interested in seeing Kaitlyn on the big screen at The Crest Theater is able to!

I am feverishly working on Kaitlyn's pageant swim suit and nearly finished. I must say that I am pretty proud of it. As soon as Kaitlyn wakes from her nap, I'll put her in it for a couple of pictures to share!

05/29/06

5/29/06

Kaitlyn's Debut as a Movie Star!!

Kaitlyn made her film debut this morning! She played 3 characters in a short independent film called "Fear of Flight"

The first two roles were both of homeless babies. She played the mirror image of herself in a daydream scene, and a homeless baby of a woman begging for change.

Kaitlyn was made to look dirty with a bit of Hershey's baking coco powder. This is the closest thing to chocolate Kaitlyn has ever had.

Everyone was really impressed with Kaitlyn. She let her "homeless mom" hold her and helped her get money by being really pitiful looking. She stared right into the other character's eyes and did a huge pouty lip. She did the same as the mirror image. Each scene required about 10 takes and she did amazing through each one. Not once did she reach out for Dusty or I or did she fuss. Everyone kept saying she was a director's dream. I overheard her the director saying that "I took one look at her head shot and had to cast her."

The next was the younger sibling of the main character. By this time she was upset and fussed. However, it was ok because the scene benefited from it. She worked her 4 hours and left with a standing ovation about what a natural she was.

Dusty and I were so incredibly proud.

05/14/06

Mother's Day is a day spent celebrating all that Mother's do and all that Mother's are. I think it is also a time of reflection and appreciation for Mother's as well.

I wasn't always a mother. I have a beautiful little girl that made me a mother over 2 years ago, the day I found out I was pregnant. She ended any selfishness I could have possibly felt. She made me realize that there are so many glorious and amazing things in this world that make it such a beautiful, amazing and wonderful place to be a part of.

Kaitlyn has made being a mother an honor. She has been the most amazing person I have ever met. The fact that I could raise such a smart, thoughtful, loving, sensitive, outgoing and incredible person makes me so proud. I know that I couldn't' be half the mother I am without a wonderful father to support me.

So, I would like to take this time to thank Kaitlyn and Dusty for the incredibly thoughtful cards and suprises. I'd also like to thank them and give them credit for the mother that I am. I love them both very much.

05/07/06

Saturday was such a great day!

We got to Kaitlyn's grandma and grandpa's at a little before 9 AM. We were soon followed by Kaitlyn's nana, papa, Auntie Christy, Uncle Dennis and cousin Cami. Auntie Christina and Mackenzie were already there.

We piled into 2 cars and off we went to San Fransico.

We did hit some traffic, but Kaitlyn was happy as can be watching and holding Elmo.

We arrived at the San Francisco zoo at about 11 AM, and there we met Jamie and Joel. We started by looking at all of the giraffes, zebras, gorillas and other fun animals. The zoo wasn't too packed and we were able to see everything this time! I think everyone had so much fun!

Kaitlyn got to see everything and has soon as we saw the last animal, she fell asleep on Grandma!

We got back into the car and hit a bit of traffic, but got to Grandma and Grandpa's in a couple of hours.

From there, we rested for a couple of minutes before getting into the car and hitting a new Sushi resturaunt downtown.

It was Kaitlyn's first time having sushi and while I thought she would mostly eat rice, she loved it! She really, really loved Tofu and Misso soup. She liked my sushi with tempura shrimp, avacados, and eel! Eel was her favorite part of it! She also ate rice, Teryiaki chicken, tempura veggies.

Then we came home after a long day of fun! Kaitlyn was so happy to see Archie. She kept saying his name over and over while giving him hugs and petting his back. She slept really good!

This morning, Kaitlyn had a new ad out for Mervyn's!

05/05/06

What a day, What a day.

This morning began with a 9:00 AM trip to the doctor. Kaitlyn still has that awful cough and occasional runny nose and has had it for 3 1/2 weeks.

Dr. Walsh was filling in for Dr. Chao and recommend X-Rays of the nasal cavity and of the lungs.

This was Kaitlyn's first time getting x-rays and the most dramatic event of her entire life. Kaitlyn was put into a contraption called the piggy seat. It is made of wood and the base comes to about my waist. In the middle there is a whole. In the whole is a "seat" that the child's legs go through. Kaitlyn was sat in it so her feet were dangling. Next plastic body guards are built on the side of where Kaitlyn's body is. They have straps to attach to each other. Kaitlyn had the guards strapped tightly against her body so that she could not move at all and her arms were straight in the air. They then pressed a "holder" for the x-ray film against her nose. She screamed and cried the entire time. They did 4 x-rays like that. Finally we were able to remove her from the awful disgusting seat. Next, she had to lay on the table. She was still screaming. I had to lay her down and then hold her from her shoulders down to keep her from moving. It took 2 large men to then hold her head completely still and back to get the x-ray. This took 2 tries. I have never heard her cry so hard or for so long in my entire life.

The x-rays did reveal that Kaitlyn does have a sinus infection. She is to take antibiotics for the next 10 days. At that time we will return to have her tested for both seasonal allergies and for asthma.

We dropped off her prescription and then went home for lunch and to pack her bag.

At about noon we got into Kaitlyn's nana's car and headed to San Francisco. We went over the Golden Gate bridge and everything this time! We arrived in the most beautiful residential area and entered into the Pottery Barn house. This house is gorgeous. It was completely done in Pottery Barn memorabilia. Kaitlyn got dressed in a cute outfit of pink pants and a white long sleeved onesie embroidered with the name Grace. She put a pink sweater on and her socks and headed up the stairs to meet Dylan, he co-star for the day. After several pictures it was determined Kaitlyn was wearing the wrong pants! Oh no! So, they decided to switch outfits. Kaitlyn was put into a darling pink long sleeve onesie with the name Emma on it and a white peter pan collar. Over it, she wore a very pretty sage green corduroy dress that had a double ruffle at the bottom. Kaitlyn stripped her socks and put a pretty clip in her hair. Then her and Dylan played in the fun nursery Pottery Barn set up. Kaitlyn fell in love with the recliner they had in the room and played in it over and over again!

After that outfit, the photographer decided he had to have Kaitlyn for another outfit. She was on a role. This time she put on a really cute long sleeved white onesie with blue stars on it and a pair of green corduroy overalls! They were all so soft. She then went and played with a beautiful little baby named Ruby. Kaitlyn loved Ruby. She gave her toys, hugged her, waved at her and stared at her. All you could hear from the staff was the snap snap snap of the camera and the awwwwweeee "isn't she sweet" as Kaitlyn played with her.

Kaitlyn got to put her own clothes on then and tell everyone bye-bye. Her hard work will be displayed in the fall Pottery Barn Kid's Catalog! Yay Kaitlyn!

We got in the car and then stopped at the first place we could for some yummy's! Kaitlyn did so good, she got to have french fries, a rare treat, with her dinner. We then had a long, peaceful drive home in traffic.

Kaitlyn came home and played with daddy and Archie before going to bed. Tomorrow promises to be a blast! A day at the San Francisco zoo with her Grandma, Grandpa, Nana, Papa, Auntie Christy, Uncle Dennis, Cousin Cami, Auntie Christina, Mackenzie, Jamie and Joel! We are going to represent 1/2 of the daily guests with a party of 14!!

05/01/06

We have been so busy!
Friday started at 7:20 am! We went with Auntie Christy and Cami to San Francisco. Kaitlyn had a go-see for the in-store Mervyn's display! Very exciting stuff! She did pretty good. They took her measurements, and just like at home she's 32" tall and 24-25 pounds. The shoot begins next week so we should know rather soon! Hope for the best!

Kaitlyn's agency has wanted her to register with an exclusive casting agent. They are only open Mon, Wed, and Fri and do nearly all the casting for SF and LA commercials. They also casted The Rock and Phenomenon. Kaitlyn registered for them and has already been submitted for 2 commercials being shot in the San Francisco area.

Then came the really fun part, a trip to the San Francisco zoo! I had never been so it was really a treat for me as well. The San Francisco zoo is located on the coast right outside of Daly City. It is HUGE. We didn't even get through 1/4 of it in 5 hours today.

We started with the African Safarri. That is where we saw all the Zebras, Giraffes and Gazelles mingling in the same exhibit. We then saw the huge gorillas!! We saw so many types of birds and African Wild life that it was truly amazing. We got to see so many animals and do so much today. I think the best part was the Children's zoo. It is a part of the zoo especially targeting children. You walk in and go see all of the owls, buzzards, vultures and exotic birds. They are all free so you come within inches of them. Then we hit the jackpot. The most amazing petting zoo I have ever seen! You go in through a gate and in this large area there are so many goats, sheep, ducks, birds and other animals running wild. Kaitlyn loved the goats. After being butted by a sheep she was mad at them. She loved riding the tractors around the farm! She saw baby chicks and ducks and owls that had just hatched that morning. It was the neatest thing!

After that we found the carosel. Kaitlyn did ok. She rode it about half way through when she decided she was done! Cami loved it! Kaitlyn also got to ride the steam train through the zoo! We stayed until close to closing time. Everyone was exhausted. Kaitlyn was sound asleep before we got home and hasn't woken up at all!

03/31/06

This year has just absolutely flown by!! It has brought so many changes, both happy and sad to our lives to forever change who we are and where we are going.

We started the year by losing Christine, who will forever be missed. Then, the constant, never ending battles with Kaitlyn being sick. Her first ads were released, and she has grown so much in the past 4 months!! Christy and Dennis are looking to buy an amazing house! Dusty got into flight school and corrected his vision so he should be able to pass. Time has just flown by.

I am amazed by the things we wated our time on. With how quickly time has passed, I wish we would have done more things. Of course, the weather has not exactly been kind. I really want to take Kaitlyn to the zoo, and fairy tale town. I'd love to get some time out in the sun taking Kaitlyn and Archie on walks. I'd love for Dusty's softball season to not be rained out. My goal for the rest of the year is to really invest our time into worth while things. Especially with Dusty being in school. He'll be home for so much less time and we really should take advantage of it!

I cannot believe how much Kaitlyn has learned and how much she learns every day. I swear, every day is a learning experiance for both of us. She is so close to talking that I have a feeling that anyday she's just going to bust out with some Shakespeare haha. She understands SOOO much! She knows where her belly button, nose, toes, eyes, ears, mouth, cheeks, fingers and arms are. She knows where they are on Mommy, Daddy and Archie. She points them out in pictures and on her baby. She loves to feed her baby. She loves to stand on the other side of the baby gate on the top of the stairs, put her baby in the stroller, lift it over the gate and chuck it down the stairs haha. She's our little demon.

She loves to color. Especially on the walls (thank goodness for magic erasers!). She enjoys eating, really enjoys eating. This little 24 pound, 32" little girl has a might big appetite, this is her daily menu:

Breakfast: 2 waffles and a banana
Snack: Mommy size handful of cheerios or applesauce
Lunch: Veggie (about 1/4 cup of carrots, corn, peas or greenbeans) sandwich (grilled cheese or turkey lately) and either rice or mashed potatoes
Snack: 4-5 multi-grain crackers
Dinner: Whatever we are having, meat veggie, bread and starch
Snack: 1 sugar free kid cookie.

Plus, through in 3 -8 oz glasses of milk and about 2 ounces of juice diluted with 12-14 ounces of water.

She just has so much energy she burns it all off. Hmmm, sounds like someone else I know.

We have no idea what our plans are this summer. With Dusty going to school they change drastically. We may spend a weekend in Alabama for Amber's wedding, we may spend a week in Reno for the CCPOA convention but really who knows right now. We have to wait for Dusty's schedule. I do know, I plan on a lot of zoo trips. I really want to get the season family pass. Dusty doesn't think Kaitlyn's old enough to appreciate it, so I have to prove him wrong.

Last Sunday, we went to where Christy and Dennis are looking to buy their dream house. The house is beautiful, big and a really open layout. I love it. It doesn't hurt that it sits on 8 acres of beautiful land and had a pond that is 15 ft deep and 1.5 acres!! All in beautiful Sutter Creek.

It makes me sad to know they will be far, but the place is amazing. I can imagine all the fun Kaitlyn and Cami will have on their safaris, and camping trips, and fishing, and horse back riding. Not to mention the pony Cami will have or Christy's pigmy goats! It'll be a blast.

03/25/06

Let's see, for a couple of months now (excluding the sick days) I have been consuming a whole lotta calories. 4 Ensure Pluses a day (360 calories in each 8 ounce bottle) lots of good carbs and food and I haven't gained a pound. Actually, I've lost 3.

So, before the doctor thought it was the breastfeeding. I was burning more calories than I could consume. It's been 8 months since breastfeeding, which is when I weighed in at 104. Yesterday it was 101. With clothes on.

The doctor said that it was incredibly rare that I could have this problem. The IUD has levels of progesterone in it that causes nearly 95% of women to be at least 15 pounds overweight because it acts as such an appetite stimulant.

It's obvious that the IUD is working, no baby, and there is a proper amount of progesterone because it's starting to cause my face to break out.

About a year ago, I had so many tests, ultra sounds and blood work done I thought I would die. She wants to test the blood again to make sure my thyroid is acting normally.

But, everything else is perfectly healthy, I'm no longer anemic, my hair and nails are growing strong and it's obvious I get the necessary vitamins every day.

So, it's purely cosmetic. She said she wished more of her patients came in wanting to gain instead of wanting gastric bypass.

Dr. Petrovich told me that a lot of times, hormones change your metabolism during pregnancy and it doesn't return to normal afterwards. Most times, it slows it down, but in rare cases, it speeds it up. She thinks that since I'm 12 pounds below my pre-pregnancy weight, that is the culprit. She thinks that with subsequent pregnancies it can reverse or go back to normal, but that'll have to wait.

So, on Monday, I have to give more blood and that is being referred to an endocrinologist for further analysis.

And that was what fun I had yesterday afternoon. I see some of you had a different kind of fun haha.

02/19/06

I went to the store yesterday and I forgot the darned face plate for the Jeep. So, I was stuck in silence (Kaitlyn was at home with daddy) and had time to think.

I started to think about how lucky we are to have so many awesome people in our lives, to have eachother, to have Kaitlyn, to have Archie, to have a nice place to live and yadda yadda yadda. Then, I started think that it isn't fair to give "luck" all of the credit for what we have. We've worked for all of those things and earned them.

We both have great families and relationships that are amazing with both sides. We have those becuase we work at them, we nuture them.We invest time, energy and love into those relationships. We include those people into our lives and Kaitlyn's lives, we call them, we talk to them, we visit them, we invite them to participate in the things that we are doing. We don't have these relationships just because we were born into them. We get as much out of them as we put into them. We don't sit around twiddling our thumbs and complaining that no one cares about us, we are too busy calling, visitng, sending cards and pictures and making an effort to surround ourselves with loved ones. Then, when we are with family and friends, we don't keep to ourselves, we get into converstations. We (I) brag about Kaitlyn. She's my daughter and I enoy doing it!

I loved being a Stay at Home Mom. But, current circumstances required that I return to work when she turned a year. So, instead of sitting around wishing and hoping for a job to land in my lap, I searched, applied, contacted and worked hard to get a job that would give us great perks and allow me to still be at home with Kaitlyn. Luck, had nothing to do with it. Hard work and endurance did.

Dusty and I aren't lucky to have a good relationship. We work hard at it. We talk to eachother, we laugh with each other, we make time for each other and we put each other before others. We were together for 5 amazing years before we conceived our gorgeous princess. We didn't have to get married. We chose to. We chose to remain married. We chose to be a family. Not once did either of us want to post-pone the wedding, not once did either of us have second thoughts. We were married because we were incredibly in love and wanted to (and still do) spend the rest of our lives together. To keep that promise, we do what we can to make the other happy. So, I do the cleaning (Dusty has helped a LOT), the cooking and the child care, Dusty suprises me with take-out, flowers, and time alone.

You can only get out of life what you put into it. Each day is a precious gift, don't waste it. Try something new, make a new friend, take a long walk, smell the roses. Enjoy your day and you will enjoy your life.

01/28/06

nstead of sleeping lately, I've been doing a lot of thinking.

A little over a week ago, a friend of ours was killed in a tragic accident. Christine was an amazing person who was so filled with love and excitment. No one in her presense was a stranger. She was such a generous and caring person and I am terribly sad to know that she isn't with us anymore. She was so young and had so much more to experiance in life. My heart goes out to Chet and to her family who are experiancing a loss that I couldn't imagine.

I spent a lot of time thinking about her, and the memories I have of her. And it leaves me wondering, why didn't we spend more time together? If life is so busy you can't fit time in for friends, that what kind of life are you leading?

I realized, I waste a lot of time trying to "recruit" people who do not give a damn about me or my family into our lives. I spend so much energy trying to be the "better person" that I don't step back and ask myself, are they even worth it? Is the possibility of their friendship and their time worth me not having time for people who are truly friends? What is the point of me continuosly trying to befriend those that I think I should befriend, when they are the people that do not care about you one way or another? When it comes down to it, I think I (and we as in Dusty, Kaitlyn and I) am (are) better than that. We don't need people who don't need us. We are happy and at the end of the day, that is what matters.

We are incredibly blessed to have the people in our lives that we do.

I have an amazing husband. Dusty is there for me through everything. He supports me in everything regardless of whether or not he has the same opinion. He goes with me places (like the mall) even if there are a million other things he would rather do. He'll give up anything in the world if it means I can have something that will make me happy. He is an incredible father who changes diapers, clothes, brushes her hair, gives her baths and plays with her in a way I wouldn't even know how to. I truly lucked out with him.

We have 2 sets of parents that truly love us, and would do anything for us with a huge smile accross their face (especially if it involves babysitting). We see our parents all the time and enjoy having a close relationship with them. They love Kaitlyn so much. She gets to have two sets of grandparents who love to play with her, talk to her, sing to her, spoil her and treat her like the princess that she is. I hope that our child(ren) love us at least half as much as we love them.

We have Christy and Dennis who totally rock. They are the most generous and kind people. They would give you the pink polo off their back if it were cold, and support you in any decision you made. Even if it is not to give babies sugar. They are two incredible people raising an amazing daughter that I am so proud to have as my neice. I am really glad that not only do I get to have them in my life, but that they get to be in Kaitlyn's. They are amazing to her, and we are really lucky.

We have Christina, Samantha and David who are a funny bunch let me tell ya. David has even babysat Kaitlyn, all by himself. These three have a tough outer shell (well, maybe not David) but are so giving and so loving inside. They have spoiled Kaitlyn rotten, not just with material things, but with time, affection and the applause she so desperately loves to hear.

We have my aunt and uncle, Dusty's aunt Barbara and Uncle Dean, my cousin Felecia and long distance relatives (all the way in Alabama) that have really been there like a real family for us. They are supportive, fun and energetic and make us all feel so loved.

We have Chet. He is so flippin' funny. I swear, him and Dusty have to be from the same planet. I would bet money that Kaitlyn will end up marrying Chet's son, after he has one.

We have some amazing friends (like Jamie and Joel who are going to be terrific parents, I can't wait to see Jamie and pregnant and what their children will look like) who make life fun and exciting.

Now that this is forever long, I've learned something. It took 2 weeks of really hard thinking and "self-discovery" to come to my conclusion this morning. Family and friends are incredibly important in life. They are the cake you get to have and eat. The are the cherries on top of the sundaes. We have an amazing circle of friends and family. Those who don't want to be a part of it, don't need to be.

Which brings me to my new Year's Resolutions:

1. Stop trying to hard to make everyone else happy. If they aren't happy with me as me, then oh well.

2. Stop caring about the opinions of others. As long as Dusty, Kaitlyn and I are happy, then that's all that matters.

Yay, that was all really.