Wednesday, December 27, 2006


Typically, the end of one year and the beginning of another is a time for self reflection. It is the time that we list our faults and resolve to repair those faults prior to the end of the following year. Gym memberships, nicorette gum, and AA meetings all benefit for the first months of the new year, then decline again until the following January.

For the last few weeks, I've been thinking about my resolutions. What about me do I want to change? What about me do I not like?

There are of course some easy things: I would like to gain weight, I would like to travel more. But in actuality, those are resolutions, they are goals. I have already resolved to gain weight with minimal sucess regardless of the thousands of calories I consume daily.

When it comes down to it, I like me. I used to be obsessed and worried about how the world saw me. I would change who I was, I would bite my tongue, and I would deal with a lot of unnecessary "crap" so that I could be liked. This past year, I learned something. I made a realization. Those that I am trying to make like me are ones that think they know me. They believe they have me all figured out and I'm a royal bitch. Do you know what I learned? Those that think they know me typically know the least about me. Instead, they are part of a group that decides what people are like ahead of time and them contort every situation to mold that person into their perception. I do not need people like that to like me, so I gave up. I figure, I fill my time with enough, why add to it. And, I've continued that philosophy with new people in my life as well as old throughout the entire year. Life is a lot less stressful this way.

There are so many things about myself that I learned this year. I may not be perfect, but I enjoy working my way to that point. I have an amazing husband who I love more and more every day. I have the great joy and honor of being the mommy to an incredible little girl who makes me giggle all throughout the day. I am surrounded by family and friends that are always there for me. I learned that I do nice things because I like too, it brings me joy. I like being busy. I enjoy a challenge. My favorite times invlove being surrounded my the people I lvoe. I don't have to go out everyday. I enjoy hot chocolate as much as a hard drink. And Barney just might not be the devil, he just doesn't have to be my friend too lol!

When it comes down to it, I don't have any regrets this year. I'm happy, healthy and so is my family. What more could I ask for? I know that if I were told I had a terminal disease and had 30 days to live, there isn't much I would do differently. I think I am living my life how it was meant to be lived and I am happy.

I will say this, without the love, support, and friendship of those in my lives, I don't know that I would be able to say the same. Thank you so much for all that you have done and said.

This New Years, I resolve to be me. I resolve to not change anything, however I do goal myself o gain 20 or so pounds ;)

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