You know, I'm not usually shy to admit it, I have a lot of respect for the Bush's. I liked George Bush as a president and proudly voted for him. I know hindsight is 20/20 and I'm sure that if we were all privy to all of the information all of the time, we would consistently make different decisions and take different roads.
But, that's not my point today. Today, my point has more to do with the struggles they endured with infertility. An excerpt from her book reads:
For some years now, the wedding invitations that had once crowded the mailbox had been replaced by shower invites and pink-or-blue-beribboned baby announcements. I bought onesies or rattles, wrapped them in yellow paper, and delivered them to friends. I had done it with a happy wistfulness, believing that someday my time, my baby, would come. George and I had hoped that I would be pregnant by the end of his congressional run. Then we hoped it would be by the time his own father announced his presidential run, then by the presidential primaries, the convention, the general election. But each milestone came and went. The calendar advanced, and there was no baby.
The English language lacks the words to mourn an absence. For the loss of a parent, grandparent, spouse, child or friend, we have all manner of words and phrases, some helpful some not. Still we are conditioned to say something, even if it is only “I’m sorry for your loss.” But for an absence, for someone who was never there at all, we are wordless to capture that particular emptiness. For those who deeply want children and are denied them, those missing babies hover like silent ephemeral shadows over their lives. Who can describe the feel of a tiny hand that is never held?
Not only do I think she has an amazing way with words, I also feel as though she captures the feelings that I have no doubt far too many women suffer through. We have been incredibly fortunate, we have given birth to two children and we are very near delivering a third. While we have lost Matthew, we had him. He was here, we held his hand, we hugged him, kissed him, knew him and shared him with the world.
Infertility and baby loss are two life experiences I wouldn't wish on anyone, ever, under any circumstance. And I know it's something that until one experiences they believe they know how they would respond, but the reality is, they don't.
I hope and pray that one day we can eliminate both infertility and pregnancy/baby loss.
Le sigh (& Welcome to ICLWers.) - BFN. Not pregnant. Yup, I guess I should have thought as much doing an IUI, but I'll admit I was a bit of a sucker for hope in there for a bit. Aren't we ...
5 years ago