Friday, October 15, 2010

70 days

Matthew Jackson Miller
August 6 - October 15, 2007

Today marks the anniversary of Matthew's last day on Earth with us.  It marks his 70th day.

I really don't believe that any parent should be faced with having two dates to remember their child by, a starting date and an end date.  It is so wrong, so unfair and so unnatural in many ways.

The fact that we were even blessed with 70 days after the diagnosis we were given when my water first broke is miraculous.  In those 70 days he got to meet so many people that loved him, have his sister "read" books to him, go on a spooky Halloween train, be held, cuddled, nursed, changed, played with, see the birds chirping, the sun shining, go to the park, be sniffed by a curious beagle, have over 600 pictures taken of him, see his nursery created just for him, ride in a stroller, in a car, go to the zoo and just experience life as a "normal" baby.

If Matthew were still here, today would be like just any other day.  We would have a nearly 6 year old, a 3 year old and one due in a month.  We would be busy, outgoing, playing and entertaining each other while big sister was at school.  We would be chasing the dogs, playing on the playground, and who knows what else.  But he is not, and we are not.  We are forever changed, and that will not change in this lifetime.  Instead today Dusty and I will get to do one of the few things we still get to do for him and decorate his site at the cemetery.  And no matter how much one eternally screams for the world to stop spinning and time to take a break and just let things be, time and life will continue to march forward.  And we will continue to live life knowing our family is missing one.

Today is also Infant and Pregnancy Loss Awareness Day.

People are encouraged to light a candle at 7 PM (their time zone) and allow it to burn for one hour so a wave of light can be seen over the entire world in memory of all babies gone too soon.

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