Tuesday, December 7, 2010

"If you know someone who has lost a child, and you're afraid to mention them because you think you might make them sad by reminding them that they died--you're not reminding them. They didn't forget they died. What you're reminding them of is that you remembered that they lived, and that is a great gift." --Elizabeth Edwards
I saw this on facebook today and it hit struck a chord.  It is so true.  
When a parent loses a child, most people just don't know what to say, or how to react.  They don't want to do anything to make that parent feel worse, feel more sad, or remind them of their loss.
But, the truth of the matter is, there really isn't anything that a person with kind and thoughtful intentions can do to make things worse.  
When a parent has a baby, they become so excited about sharing that little person with the world.  Their life becomes that child.  Those who are parents have lived it, and those with friends who have new babies know it, most of the conversations begin to center around that child, everything from their poops, to how much their eating to sleeping habits and the cutest new things they are doing.  You get to go to the grocery store and have people smile at your baby and ask their name and how old they are.  You get to be the beaming, albeit exhausted, excited parent.
When you lose your baby, you miss out on so much, including sharing your little one with the world.  You stop talking about your baby with others because you wait for them to bring up your baby so you don't have to put them in an uncomfortable position.
Even now, we talk about Matthew often.  We're reminded of him in everything we do.  We're never hurt by anyone else bringing him up.  He is forever our son, our baby, our prince. 

4 comments:

Sarah said...

Thank you for this timely post.

With the holidays approaching, our family is trying to figure out how to best support and love our nephew and his wife who lost their daughter last January after 13 days on earth. It's tough to know what to do/say and how to let them grieve during this difficult time of year for them.

Jazzie Casas said...

Hi there I am one of many single moms and I find your site very interesting. I hope I have much time each day to drop by and check your site for recent post. By the way thank you for sharing this.

Tiffany said...

so very true, and very well said. i may have to borrow this quote to post in my blog.

Lux said...

I came across this recently, too. It is so very true. I want people to ask about him and I want to talk about him.

(((hugs)))