Sunday, November 25, 2007

A Year of Growth

This year I have grown so much that it feels so unreal.

Our family grew by 2 feet, 2 hands and a huge heart. We grew by a whole other person! How amazing is that? What an incredible gift we have been giving in having Matthew as a part of our family.

And, I think I've grown in so many ways that it's hard to ever explain. I've learned so much. I've learned to give up control when it comes to things I cannot control to begin with. I've learned the importance of family. Not just those related by blood, but the family members that are built from a sense of love, belonging and a desire to want more for the other.

I've learned that there are so many things in life that are just so unimportant. Honestly, who really cares about what you have when who you have and who you are holds such more weight in the long run? The most valuable things we have are time and love. Neither are promised to us and both are taken for granted so often it seriously makes me ill.

I used to always plan everything so carefully, my words, my actions, my plans, so no one would ever have their feelings hurt or feel left out. Do you have any idea how much energy that requires? I spent more time trying to protect everyone I know that there wasn't much time or energy left for the actual event or for our family. And for what? It's rare that many put forth that same energy or level of dedication towards us. I think I've spent so much time and energy trying so hard to please everyone, I stopped being myself and I stopped worrying about myself and my family. I'm so over that. If people don't like me or appreciate me by now, they never will. People read so much into things sometimes that it makes me wonder why they don't have something better to do?

I have also learned that actions speak so much louder than words ever could. While words, good and bad, may echo in my head for a lifetime, actions can warm or cool my heart for an eternity. I want my actions to mean something.

Recently, I've learned that rumors are just that. I shouldn't accept what someone else says as truth, just because they say it. It isn't fair to the person that it is said about or myself. I think a lot of animosity and anger I've had in the past towards people is built off of things that I've been told that I, myself, just accepted. That is so incredibly lazy and selfish on my part and I should know better. From now on, I will.

Life is so very short. Every day is an amazing and precious gift. Nothing in life is promised and very rarely is it fair. I know that we have been incredibly blessed in life and we do have so much to be thankful for.

I am incredibly thankful to have such an amazing husband. After 8 1/2 years, he still gives me butterflies in my tummy. He is my best friend, my confidant, my supporter, my reasoning and such an amazing man. He stands up for what he believes in and doesn't waste time or energy on other things. I think it's a shame that more people don't know him better or nearly as well as they would like to think they do, I think they might be pleasantly surprised.

I am incredibly thankful for our princess. Kaitlyn is a smart, gorgeous, charming, hilaroius, generous, loving, empathetic, cuddly little girl that makes every day an adventure. She is an absolute blast to hang out with and even if I wasn't her mommy, I would still want to spend every day with her, she is truly that special.

I am incredibly grateful for every second, minute, hour, day, week and month we had with our little prince. Matthew was and remains to be such an incredible part of our family. Not an hour goes by that he isn't thought of, remembered and loved. Those who knew him loved him and even those who never got to meet him have held his memory in such a high place that it warms my heart. (Another example of actions speaking louder than words)

I am grateful for those that have taken the time to know me, to listen to me (instead of just hearing or reading) and who have been such an amazing system of support. Thank you from the bottom of my heart.

While we do have a lot to be sorrowful and depressed about, we have so much to be thankful and proud for. I hope everyone had a Happy Thanksgiving.

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