Wednesday, November 7, 2007

Finding the right thing to say

There are times in life when finding the words to express what you are feeling seems absolutely impossible. There are some feelings, some emotions, some thoughts that are so complicated that mere words could never do them justice.

At these times, I think the best way to express how you are feeling is with sincerity and simplicity. There has been nothing said to me about Matthew's passing that I have found offense to. The loss of a child is a pain so deep, that words could never express the sorrow and sympathy we feel. It is an unnatural event that we have yet to figure out an effective means to communicate about.

When something is said from the heart, with sincerity, the heart and the sincerity is what matters, the words come in dead last. Even if it's as simple as "I'm sorry for your loss." And sometimes, even if I don't always respond, just asking how the day is going or how the hour is going means more than you'll know.

I am so proud that we had our time with Matthew. He truly was an angel. I'm glad he was colicky. It encouraged us both to hold him all the time and to cuddle with him around the clock. Since he was only home a total of 5 weeks and 3 days, every minute that we held him, rocked him, kissed him and sang to him means so very much.

I am SURE there are times when being around either of us can be a bit uncomfortable. And believe me, I hate that. I hate that I always feel akward enough and feeling like I'm a *downer* or the cause of others being uncomfortable doesn't help. I am fully aware that life goes on. The world continues to spin around the earth, seasons change and we all grow. I may not love it, I might desperatly want to cling to the perfect family we had, but I know it, I'm aware of it. I know and accept that new life is born, people continue with their lives and everything goes on how it was before Matthew's passing. I try to do everything I can to make it less akward on people. I let them lead the conversations, I try to participate in things that I feel up to, I make sure that Kaitlyn is happy and I try to keep myself preoccupied when I'm in a group.

I think that my point is, I know that you know that it's hard. I know that someone who hasn't experienced the loss of a child would never understand what it feels like and I do not wish that on ANYONE, ever. If you don't know what to say, as always, start with Hello. If you feel uncomfortable around us, I know, and I'll try what I can to make it easier. We're almost always ready to talk about Matthew, and if we aren't, we aren't offended by you asking. We want his spirit to live on. We want to talk about him, we want people to know him like we did. His life was amazing and we want to remember every minute of it. If you want to know how we're doing, ask. You can call, e-mail, message, write, send a card, send a text, or if you're really anxious, rent a plane and write a message in the sky :)

Matthew will always be a part of our lives. We will always love him. We want to share his life, his strength and the love he brought us with everyone who wants to be a part of it. And I honestly believe, most other parents who've outlived their angels feel the same way.

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