What I've Learned

I have been on this earth for 25 years. It doesn't feel like it's been that long. I do believe that in my 25 years I have gained a lot of prespective, insight, wisdom and experience. I do believe that I am a good person with a lot of good to offer the world.

I don't think that the number of years someone has been blessed with means they are a smarter, brighter, wiser or all knowing person than someone younger.

I have learned that life is absolutely precious. In this day and age where we can replace knees, hearts, livers and give the average person 85+ years of life, we are not God. Doctor's are not God. Doctor's have the tools to help better and lengthen our lives, but that does not mean they can guarentee us life. It saddens me to no end that so many babys are taken from their mommy's arms. It saddens me to know that these precious little babies are taken from us before they've had a chance to live when trash like Scott Peterson or Osama Bin Laden can continue with their lives. It doesn't seem fair. I do take solice in knowing that Matthew has been granted an eternity of happiness, but I would give anything for him to have the chance of a few more moments of life on earth.

At first, I wondered "why is God punishing us" but the more I think of it, the more I know the opposite is true. Matthew should have been born at 23w5d. Medical science shows us that pregnancies do not last more than 48 hours on average after membrane rupture and never more than 12 days. We were blessed with 65 days of life inside of me and 10 weeks of life in this world.

Matthew's life has taught me so much. I only wish the price paid wasn't his life. I cannot imagine what lesson is so powerful that his life had to be taken for it to be taught. Many lessons I learned while he was still with us, some we pounded into my brain with his passing.

Life is not a promise. It is short, complicated and so incredibly sweet. Every moment and every breath you take should be one you are happy and grateful for. Each night you should go to bed without regrets. Each day should be lived as though it's your last. That doesn't mean you need to go and conquer the world every day, but be sure to tell the ones you love that you love them, kiss them and hug them oh so tight and make sure that the memories you leave behind are ones you want to continue long after you are gone.

Sometimes, keeping your mouth shut is the best answer to any question or statement. It isn't necessary to put add your opinion to everything. It isn't necessary to reply to everything said. There is no need to fight with people who will not change on topics that will always be there. Your breaths are precious, your thoughts and statements are your legacy, use them wisely.

Think before you speak. When you do speak, be aware of your audience. Your words are the best way to express your thoughts. Sometimes, keeping it simple and honest is the best possible way to say it. Put yourself in the shoes of others. Think of how you would react to what you are going to say. When you do put your foot in your mouth, apologize. Silence does not always have to be occupied with meaningless words. Sometimes, it's ok to be sad. Sometimes, the last thing someone needs is to be cheered up, they just need to be sad.

Follow through with your promises. If you say "if there is anything you need, tell me" mean it. It means so much more to be honest and not say it at all than to just say it because it sounds good or you think it's expected. If you say it, the person you say it to just might think you mean it and when you show you don't, the disappointment is terrible.

If you don't learn from your mistakes, they are meaningless. If you can realize the mistakes you made, have remorse from them and make a difference to change those ways, you will improve your life and the lives of all around you. Don't make mistakes in vain.

No one said life was easy. No one said life was fair. No one promised tomorrow.