Tuesday, February 8, 2011

How to ruin a shower...

There I am, enjoying a nice hot shower while Samantha naps peacefully.  When all of a sudden I heard a loud bang, followed by several more.  I stood there, in the shower, wondering if I remembered to lock the front door.  And telling myself it's just the wind knocking the tree branches on the roof of the house.  Just like the scratching I heard last night.  It's nothing.

Then, my mind goes there.  You know, the worst scenarios your brain can think of.  All I can see is a group of men dressed like overweight ninjas (no idea why my mind went to overweight ninjas instead of normal ninjas, but I digress) stealing my baby because I didn't lock the door.  They've been stalking us on behalf of a crazy lady who wants to steal our baby to raise as her own, and just waiting for an opportunity when the wind is gusting and I forget to lock the door to steal her.  I literally shake my head and toss out the far fetched idea.

Then, I heard it again.  And of course, at this point, the out of shape ninjas have vanished from my overactive imagination and this time the big tree in the backyard has fallen, landed on our house, crushed through the roof and Samantha is lying stuck under it.  Had to be what it is.

I brush off that also psycho thought by remembering where she is in her bed in the living room and knowing the tree wouldn't fall like that because of what direction the wind is going.

Then, the dogs start barking.  And of course, it's to alert me to danger Lassie style.  Not at all because they are crazy and probably either terrified of the wind or chasing random cats.  Of course not, that would be too easy.

Although I haven't washed up, brushed my teeth or conditioned my hair, I know I'm going to have to go check it out or go crazy in the shower with sheer panic.  I turn off the shower, dripping wet throw on a towel, contemplate grabbing Dusty's gun just in case the fat ninja theory is true, decide against it because I don't want my delusions to cause rust on the gun, and go check it out.  I had not locked the door, did so, but no fat ninjas to be found, check Samantha who is sleeping in the living room and the tree is still standing in the backyard.  A big branch, however had fallen.  

I run to get back in the shower.  But, it was too late, I was too cold and nothing was going to warm me.

However, I eased my thoughts about ninjas and fallen trees.  And now I'm cleaned up lol.  And don't lie, I know I'm not the only one with crazy delusions that run out of control while I'm in the shower.


Christina said...

For me the crazy thoughts come when I'm laying in bed at night, especially if my husband isn't home. If he's home I can sleep soundly knowing he'll wake up at the slightest sound. But if he's not here I will lie awake half the night, jumping at any sound. I actually make all the kids sleep with me when he's not home because my mental escape plan goes much more smoothly if they're all close by me. I can lock my bedroom door and we can all climb down the escape ladder. I don't really know where we would go after that. Hmm, not a well thought out plan. I guess I'll have to remember to sleep with my keys in my pocket so we can get in the garage and escape via car.

I'm glad your noise was just a branch.

Jen said...

bahahaha...fat ninjas make me laugh out loud! but I do the same thing.. lately I have some crazy thought of Lily falling out of the crib with every sound..she is no where close to being big enough even if she wanted..but its still there.. crazy mamas :)

DaphneB said...

OMG you are hilarious!! I am that way in the morning after Jacob leaves for work...you know, since I used to climb back in bed like...ahem, I digress. Every little noise was definitely an intruder and OMG what if they cut the phone lines and do I have my cell phone in arms reach? Delusions are all part of the momma game, baby!

AKD said...

I may not have had the ninja imagery (although I will now!)... but I so get this!

Rhiannon said...

This post was hilarious! I love the thought of fat ass ninjas...too funny! I am glad that everyone was ok...hope that you got warmed back up!