It will never cease to amaze me how much happened in the last, short 6 months. So much of my world changed. So much of what I knew changed. So much of who I was changed.
I think I have been forced to learn so many new things about myself. Both good and bad. With that knowledge, I can make realistic and necessary resolutions to ensure that I am a better person during the time I have left.
My first goal is to be more selfish. I know that sounds weird, believe me I do. But, I think I have a problem with always putting people ahead of me and of my family. It isn't uncommon for me to put forth more effort into making other people happy as opposed to keeping me and my daughter happy and I know that isn't ok. So, my resolution is to start putting me and my family first. To put our happiness, sanity and serenity before all else. And I know it won't be easy and I know it sounds harsh but even if that is at the cost of the feelings of others, I think it would be best.
Secondly is my health. I wouldn't at all say I'm unhealthy, but that doesn't mean I shouldn't do more to take care of my body. I need to gain 20 pounds. I've always said it in the past and I've always tried as hard as I could to do so, but this year I'm going to try even harder. I'm also more determined to eat better foods and do more for my overall health. I only get one body, I might as well take care of it the best I know how.
I look back on 2007 with great joy and with great sorrow. The highs were so high and so amazing and the lows were so devastatingly low. We started out with some of the greatest news, we were having a baby, a son. A son to add to our family and to be a part of our family, to complete us. Everything about 2007 was going amazing until June. Even when my water broke, I was grateful that it wasn't worse. I was, we were, thrilled with Matthew's arrival. His birth was amazing and we were so blessed that he was as healthy as he was. Even during the NICU time, we were grateful with how well things progressed. We welcomed every milestone with eager hearts. Matthew's death was a strong, cold blow that I don't think I'll ever recover from and really, I'm ok with that. I don't expect to be the same and I know I can't be the same.
I am grateful for so much this year. I am grateful for amazing family, wonderful friends, new friendships that I only hope to grow, an amazing husband, an incredible daughter, an inspirational son, a roof over our heads and food in our tummies.
We hope you and your families have amazing and peaceful 2008s filled with nothing but wonder, magic and love.