A trip down Would Be, Could Be, Should Be Lane

It's open enrollment time at Kaitlyn's school.  It's the time where other kids who are not assigned to it, can petition to have her school become their "home school." 

This is not Kaitlyn's home school.  She is a transfer student, which means that at any time the school can technically decide that there isn't enough room for her, she isn't performing up to grade level standards, that she isn't behaving the way she needs to and ship her back to her "home" school.  Last week, the school secretary called me and told me how much they love having her there, what an asset she is to the class and the student body and how they really want to make this her home school.  Which, we of course are ALL for, I mean, if they tried to send her back to her home school, there would be no question in my mind that homeschooling would be the route we would take.  Of course, that led to the statement "if you have any other children enrolling, be sure to submit them for open enrollment as well."

This time 5 years ago, I found out I was pregnant with a little one.  I believe it was right around the 16th of January.  It was a little one that didn't give me that dreaded evil morning sickness.  A little one that turned out to be a stubborn and strong little boy.  A little one that less than 7 short months later would make his appearance.  A little boy that would be 5 this year.

We should be filling out open enrollment paperwork for Matthew to start Kindergarten this year.  I remember talking with Kaitlyn forever about what would be the perfect backpack for her to start school with.  Kaitlyn literally has over 25 backpacks.  She rotates them now between going on trips, school days and sleepovers.  She has her favorite one week that becomes her least favorite next week.  They are impossible to store because she has so many she loves.  I wonder if we would make that same dreaded mistake with Matthew?  I wonder what kind of backpack he would want?  Would it be a character one, or could we talk him into a an awesome black and white chevron striped one?  Would his name be on it?

Kaitlyn and Matthew would go to the same school, but with Kaitlyn entering the third grade, they wouldn't share recess or lunch time.  She would be with the older grades.  But, they would have the same school activities, the same back to school nights, the same matching school spirit shirts and sweatshirts.  He would have to actually get dressed when I took Kaitlyn (because I assume that if he were here now, I would let him go in his jammies like I do Samantha) and they would have to figure out which classroom we went to first on Open House night.  I bet Kaitlyn would insist on a game of rock, paper, scissors, where she almost always plays scissors. 

I bet he would be a strong, happy, eager to please little guy just like his sisters are.  I bet he would do great and excel.  I bet Kaitlyn would already have him reading.  I bet the girls would just love him. 

Sometimes it's so easy to get lost taking the What should be lane down to the what would be and what could be forest.  This year, when August comes around and we celebrate our little man turning 5, and another year without him, instead of Kaitlyn holding her brother's hand going into school and showing him where his class would be and how to hang up his backpack, we'll carry him in our hearts and think of him and who he would be today.