I know I haven't always been this paranoid, but losing one child can make you pretty aware of how fragile life is and how easy it is to lose.
Kaitlyn typically "scares" me on a nightly basis. The kid sleeps with her eyes open, without making a sound with her arms flung to either side. It is freaky and frightening no matter how many times you see it, or how used to it you are.
The biggest scare came a couple months ago. Kaitlyn rarely gets to take baths because her skin is so sensitive, but we let her take a bath. Since she's 5 she should have no problem in the bathtub on her own. We play the "ah" game (I say ah every 30 seconds to a minute and she repeats it back). So, she's in the bathtub, all is well and she starts coughing. So, I yell down the hallway, "Kaitlyn are you ok" and I get no response. So, I go down the hallway to the bathtub and she's underwater, with her arms to her side just floating. Not moving. So, I obviously start to freak out and yell at her. My yelling gets Dusty down the hallway too and then she pops up with a "what are you guys doing??"
The next heart attack came this morning. Kaitlyn was in charge of Chico while I took a quick shower. I'm literally in the shower for all of 2 minutes before I hear her screaming. Not just any scream, a blood curdling, hysterical scream. I yell "what's wrong" assuming that she is being dramatic. I hear "____ bit my nose and it's bleeding everywhere" and I again begin to freak out. I think I hear her say "Archie" bit her nose, and I am in my paranoid head, assuming he did severe damage. I turn off the water to run to her, and she gets to me first. It wasn't Archie. It was Chico. She broke the rules and put him next to her face when they were playing and he got inside her nostrils a little bit. The cut was seriously no bigger than a paper cut. Of course, my heart didn't stop pounding as quickly as she recovered.
I think the movie Parenthood said it best last night, just because your kids get older doesn't make you worry any less. You get through pregnancy relieved that you made it that far only to be afraid the first year. You get through that only to be afraid of toddlerhood, then the preschool years, then the school years and in 11 short years she'll be driving. Then adulthood and all that fun.
Hopefully she'll learn to sleep with her eyes closed and be a little less dramatic...