Saturday, October 20, 2007

I want to thank everyone

for everything that they've done. It really does mean a lot to me.

Dusty and I both feel incredibly blessed that so many people have shown so much compassion and love towards us. While we miss Matthew more than words could ever express, we do hope that with time the hurt will lessen.

This has been the hardest test we've ever endured. There are times when I think I have a hold on things and then it all comes crumbly down again.

Matthew was an amazing baby and we were so blessed that we were able to be his parents. He endured so much and was such a strong fighter just to meet us. He worked so hard and overcame so many obstacles at such a young age and in such a small body to be able to come home with us and be a genuine part of our family. It seems incredibly unjust, unnatural and just plain wrong that he was taken from us so quickly and in such a manner after all we've been through.

Matthew will always be missed, Matthew will always be loved and Matthew will always be very much a part of our family. Not a minute passes that I don't think of him and long to hold him, kiss him and tell him just how much I love him. I want to keep his spirit alive. I want his life, no matter how short, to have the meaning it was meant to.

Matthew taught me many things. With bed rest I learned that the world does not revolve around me. With his NICU stay, I learned patience. With his time at home, I learned to slow down and enjoy every minute. I have not yet discovered what it is I am to learn with his death, but I am sure I will learn it.

In the meantime, I will probably do a lot of blogging. Sometimes writing makes things more clear to me and helps me sort things out. As time passes, I know I will need it. Because of the sensitivity, I will be making many, if not all, blogs for friends only or private.

From the bottom of my heart, thank you. Thank you for allowing Matthew to be a part of your life. Thank you for letting his spirit live on.

Matthew now has a star that we can look to every night. Visit his website: to see the location of the star.

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