I know, I know

I've been a TERRIBLE blogger.  I've totally slacked on updates and seeing as how we've been across the country and back, summer vacation as started, and based on what train of thought you go by, I'm in my second trimester, there's obviously a whole lot to update on.

The problem hasn't been not having anything to say.  I mean, when have *I* not had something to say?  It has had more to do with this little one already showing who's boss by making me a prisoner to toilets and garbage cans everywhere I go.  I've had morning sickness before.  I've had what I thought was bad morning sickness before.  Nothing in the world could have ever prepared me for this though.  Misery is the only word I can think of to describe it. 

So, where to begin? 

Last night our local chapter of the March of Dimes had a kick off event for one of their big fundraisers in September.  It was an intimate event with about 30 people there who they were requesting to get sponsorships from for an event they plan on raising $200,000 at.  Many of the people there were not aware of the mission of the March of Dimes, which to me is just silly, but I know that if it hadn't of been for our experience, we would be in the same boat.  I was asked to talk about our story, and share how the March of Dimes has affected our lives. 

I won't lie and say I wasn't nervous.  I was.  For a variety of reasons.  One being that the above mentioned morning sickness is way worse at night and I was terrified of throwing up.  Another being that I was worried I would cry and watching the fourth season of Lost right now has shown me that crying only makes me puke.  Oh, and throw in there speaking in front of distinguished members of our local community about something so personal without speaking a gazillion words a minute.

But, I did it.  I didn't throw up.  I didn't cry.  And Dusty promises me that I didn't talk to fast or too soft. 

I wasn't expecting the crowd that was there.  I was doing ok with "recognizing" people that were there and the important roles in the government until Bethany Crouch walked in.  You know, from Fox 40 news.  The local news we watch every morning.  Then, I was way more nervous for some reason.  But, to say that she is incredibly sweet, genuine and kind would be an understatement.  And, she offered to help with advertising our fundraising event for Matthew's Team next year!  How awesome is that?

I am currently 13 weeks and 2 days pregnant.  We've heard the hearbeat on the doppler.  I'll share video of it soon.  Other than the morning sickness and heartburn, I'm doing good.  I haven't had any spotting or bleeding in nearly two weeks now.  I'm hoping when I go to my appointment on Monday the SCH will have reabsorbed and just be completely gone!  How great would that be?  We're considering going next Saturday to find out what we're having, but haven't decided yet if we will do it then or wait it out a little longer.

Kaitlyn is doing great!  She has officially finished the second grade.  She made the Principal's honor roll for the entire year.  Her school is one of the top performing in the state and considering that their grading requirements are incredibly high and she is advanced in every category they test, we couldn't be prouder of her achievements.  And we're fortunate that she is really a well rounded kid. 

Kaitlyn is excited to start cheer on Monday.  She has cheer camp and tryouts that week, then she gets to make the decision if she wants to pursue it or not.  She was super gung-ho and insisting that she had to be a cheerleader this year, until she started seeing all the advertisements around town for the swim team.  Now, she wants to do both.  Considering they are both huge commitments that overlap each other, she has to make a decision on which one to do. 

Samantha is doing great.  Her speech has taken off so much.  She talks all the time, no idea where her or Kaitlyn got that from, and her speech is getting much clearer.  She's learned to say the "noises" for a lot of animals.  Right now she will do the noises for cats (my favorite because she squints her eyes and crinkles her nose to do it), dogs, horses, pigs, cows, snakes, ducks, tigers and sometimes surprises us with a few others.  And sometimes she'll surprise us by answering our question of "what does a ______ say?" with utter and complete silence.  We've also been working a lot on letters and numbers.  She'll repeat the ABCs after me and recognizes a few letters on her own, like A, B, O and R.  And her favorite number is 3.  She recognizes it and points it out everywhere.  She's pretty darn bright.  She stacks blocks 5-6 high, she cuddles her baby and of course, tries to climb on absolutely everything.  And when she gets told no, she'll listen.  Of course, she'll throw herself on the ground in a tantrum of screaming and fake crying, but she'll listen.

Samantha had her pediatric GI appointment today.  It went ok.  There don't seem to be any structural abnormalities or anything suspicious in her blood work.  She has lost 3 ounces in a month (which means she's dropped from 45% to 25% in weight) instead of gaining.  And she has a lot of stool in there still.  The doctor believes it's compacted and gave us a couple of options.  We could try the magnesium citrate again.  This would be our fourth time.  It hasn't worked in any of the previous three attempts.  Like, not even a tiny bit.  All it does is create a day of tears, frustration and a couple of little runny diapers.  I'm sure it creates a tummy ache for the little one as well.  And if it doesn't work, we would go to option two.  Option 2 is to put her under general anesthesia and after she's asleep for them to go in and remove the compacted stool.  The goal is that once the compacted stool is removed, the stool softeners will be able to keep her regular and her bowels nice and clear in the future.  We opted to go for option 2.  Since the procedure won't take place at our normal hospital, we have to wait for insurance authorization to go through.  Depending on when that happens, she'll either go in a week from tomorrow or the following Friday. 

On Memorial Day, Dusty and I took our poorly packed luggage, loaded Samantha into the truck Dusty drives at work, hooked up to a 34' trailer, and after leaving Kaitlyn with my mom, took off for a drive across the country.  In about 6 days, we arrived in Washington DC.  Kaitlyn flew out with my mom and arrived the same day we did.  We spent 9 days in DC. We varied the days up between work events, site seeing and me trying not to throw up around the clock.  I did not have a good time.  Then, we let Kaitlyn go with my mom and the three of us started our journey back.  Kaitlyn and Grandma took a detour on the way home and stopped in Illinois to visit with Grandma's side of the family.  Kaitlyn had a blast visiting with her aunts and cousins, and we were able to stop for about half a day and join her.

By the 5th day of driving, we were about 15 hours away from home, 900 miles or so, and decided that we didn't want to wake up and get in that truck to drive anywhere for another day.  Considering that Samantha kicked at me when I tried to put her in the car, I think she agreed.  So, we traveled from Wyoming to Sacramento all in one day.  To me, it was worth it.  We spent the entire next day not leaving the couch unless we had to.  And, we were glad to get back in time for Father's Day!

That's a quick run down of life over here for now.  I'm sure it's going to continue to be crazy, but I'm looking forward to a little bit of resting this summer!

Samantha's 18 month appointment

Last week, we had Samantha's 18 month appointment.  Overall, it went well.  She's growing like crazy, talking up a storm and is a pretty healthy little girl.

Samantha now weighs 23.8 lbs (41%), is 33 inches long (85%) and her head is 48 cm around (85%).

She didn't love getting a shot, but she also got over it really quick.  The nurse was grateful to her for being such an easy patient that day.  She was calm and quiet for the entire exam.  Of course, until we put her on the table and she could play with the fun, crinkly paper. 

We decided to try her off of the allergy medicine.  She doesn't seem to act too much differently when she takes it and doesn't, except for the drowsy aspect.  So, our hopes are it stays that way and if something changes, we'll put her back on it.

We also discussed her continued constipation problem.  He is concerned about it and suggested Samantha sees a pediatric GI.  He wrote a referral and they have made an appointment for the end of June.  Later that evening, he called and requested she had some blood work done just to rule out thyroid problems or celiac disease.

Samantha went and had her blood drawn and did AMAZING.  I'll tell you, I was upset by the idea of and terrified to take her.  I figured she would cry, I would have to hold her down and it would just be miserable.  Boy, was I wrong.  She did great, didn't even cry!  Now, she wasn't happy about it.  And she gave some dirty looks, but I'm sure she felt it was justified.

And let me tell you, in the last two weeks, her vocabulary has had another explosion!  It's amazing to watch!

A Christmas Baby

Shortly after we returned from Alabama, things felt a bit off.

Just to rule things out, I took a pregnancy test, fully expecting to see one line come across it and put the notion out of my mind. We certainly hadn't been trying and weren't entirely sure we would try again. Imagine my surprise when within seconds a second line appeared.

Pregnant.

I was in disbelief. I took several more tests of several brands. Before I allowed myself to find truth in it, I needed to be sure. Every single one was positive.

I'm excited and surprised to announce that we're building a snow baby.

 Our little one is due on Christmas day, December 25, 2012.

Which makes me 8 weeks and 1 day pregnant. Morning sickness has been horrific and it seems, I so far, will not have the easy breezy pregnancy I had with Kaitlyn and Samantha. After some scary bleeding at 6 weeks, I was sent in for an ultrasound.

An ultrasound at 6 weeks and 2 days showed a baby, right where it should be with a healthy heart rate of 116 bets per minute. It also showed a subchorionic hematoma between the baby and uterine wall. It's relatively small, which is amazing. But, it doesn't mean the bleeding is any less stressful. It does mean I'm not supposed to be lifting or carrying, I should be staying off my feet and drinking a ridiculous amount of water.

We haven't told Kaitlyn yet. My next appointment is next Thursday. As long as all goes well, we will tell her after that.

In the meantime, did you know there are only 223 days left until Christmas?

Happy Half Birthday Samantha!

That's right, somehow, Miss Samantha is halfway through her second year!  Um, how did that happen?  Or when?

She has just blossomed over the last couple of weeks.  She talks all the time and says a few 2-3 word groupings.  When she wants to.  Instead of just asking for "ick" (drink) now she'll say Juice or Milk or Water with it.  She says more words than I could begin to count. 

Samantha knows all of her body parts, says them, as well as points to them.  Head, hair, eyes, nose, cheek, chin, ear, tongue, teeth, arm, hand, leg, foot, toes, belly button, tummy and elbow.  Which really helps when she falls and gets an owie.  :)

She's in love with songs.  And she knows what ones she wants to sing and will tell you.  She can do all the movements to "Itsy Bitsy Spider", "Wheels on the Bus", and "If You're Happy And You Know It."  She also LOVES books.  Her favorites right now are the Hungry Caterpillar and her Sesame Street Bubbles book.  She likes to have them read to her over, and over and over and over and over again.

She loves to play tag and hide and seek.  She's a terrible hider.  She will just stand there and wait until you uncover her eyes and then crack up laughing.  She's a much better counter.  She'll cover her eyes, say three and then come looking for you.  Of course, you have to hide somewhere obvious because she is easily distracted.  Then again, she doesn't exactly give you a chance to hide.

Samantha loves letters and loves numbers.  I've caught her counting to 3 twice.  But that is it.  And no matter how much I prompt her to do it, she won't.  She recognizes the letters O and E.  Every other letter is a blip.  At least that is what it sounds like she is saying.  When you ask her something, she answers.  When you explain something and end with Ok?  She says ok in seriously the sweetest and cutest voice.  I must record this.  I love it.

Our little diva has no problem telling you what she wants, whether it's bringing my iPhone or iPad to me and insisting on Caooo (Cailou) or Emo (Elmo), or what cup exactly she wants to drink from.  If she doesn't get her way, it starts with a screech and ends with banging her head on anything close by.  We ignore it and it passes fairly quickly. 

She really wants to learn how to ride a bike, loves bumping into people, spins around until she is so dizzy she falls, only to stand up and do it again, knows how hysterical she is and does not have a shy bone in her body.

Samantha has started finding nail polish bottles and bringing them to me and pointing her fingers out perfectly.  She prefers them pink.  And she will sit perfectly still for you to paint every single one and even let them dry.  Of course, she won't let you touch her hands if she thinks nail clippers are near by.  She has also started trying to dress herself.  She can get one leg in and then gives up and walks around like that.  And she hates anything in her hair.  She will scream as you try to put in a rubber band and immediately rip out any bows you think are perfect.

She loves getting into everything of Kaitlyn's.  Everything.  She's pretty good with anything that doesn't leave marks.  Kaitlyn still doesn't approve.  Which usually leads to Samantha screaming as Kaitlyn removes her, her crying to me about KaKa, and then Kaitlyn wanting to play in Samantha's room. 

Samantha is finally nearly over her first sinus infection.  We're on day 9 of antibiotics.  And she is probably the only kid that stays constipated on them!  Last week we had to repeat her X-ray because of her inability to go more than once a week.  As frustrating it is for us, I can only imagine how rough it is for her.  She also has seasonal allergies, so she's on Zyrtec for now.  If she continues with the sinus infections, she'll follow in big sister's footsteps and have her tonsils removed as well.  Fingers are crossed that if we have to cross that road, we do it at a younger age.

Samantha has also started laughing at the right times when watching TV, cracks up laughing when she watches videos of herself, dances and is SOOO close to jumping, loves to walk everywhere (as long as she gets to pick where), is a great traveler, HATES sleeping anywhere but her bed, is still in a crib (though might be making the change in the next few months if she keeps getting her thighs stuck in it!), wears 12-18 month clothes, says CHEEEESE for the camera with the appropriate cheesy smile, has super adorable chunky legs, big brown eyes and light brown hair.  She begs to play outside, loves dogs and strangers and goes to anyone that will hold her.  If she's in a good mood you'll even get a hug and a kiss.  She's 18 months old and has been to Vegas a few times, Alabama, Mississippi, Texas, New Mexico, Arizona, met Jennette McCurdy and Victoria Justice and won the hearts of so many.

It's hard to believe she's only been in our lives for 18 months and impossible to believe she's already that old!

Where We've Been

Sorry for the lack of posting!  I suck, I know!

Really though, we have been Go, Go, Go for the past few weeks and it's hard to find a moment to sit still.  I guess, that's the first sign that summer will be here before we know it.

We had a wonderful Easter.  What could be better than being surrounded by family, friends and more food than we could possibly shovel into our bellies and then chase down with wine, juice and lots of water.  While the weather wasn't too lovely the days before or after, the day of it was gorgeous.  It got a little chilly in the evening, but not too bad at all.


We hosted at our house and Dusty made his yummy turkey to match the ham and gazillion other sides we had.  I ended up filling 300 plastic eggs for Kaitlyn, Camaryn and Samantha to hunt.  Although, when you have that many eggs, even in a decent size yard, it isn't much of a hunt...  I set up the camera with the remote control so the girls could take picture after picture of themselves.  We were together and it was nice.

We started Easter on Saturday.  The Easter Bunny came on Friday night and brought Matthew's basket along with a note (reminding Kaitlyn to be good) and some magic jelly beans.  On Saturday, we visited the cemetery to take Matthew his goodies and then went out to a yummy dinner together.  It was wonderful, except for when Kaitlyn slammed her fingers in the door, but some chocolate cake cured it pretty quickly.  We went home and dyed Easter Eggs.  I learned that Kool-Aide works so much better than the dye kits and from now on, that's so what we are going to do!  After eggs, we planted our jelly beans (which, Archie came quickly behind as soon as Kaitlyn was distracted and ate all up!) to turn into lollipops the next morning.

Sunday morning, we had to hold Kaitlyn off a couple hours before we went and woke Samantha up to open her basket and hunt for Eggs.  Samantha loved her basket, and so did Kaitlyn.  They both got what they wanted and way too much more. 

We hunted for Eggs, we showered, we dressed and we cooked.

After everyone arrived, and we had chatted and finished cooking and eating, we convinced Samantha that her chocolate bunny was not a toy, but food.  I think she fell in love with the idea.

After everyone went home, and Easter was all cleaned up, it was time to start packing!  From Saturday to Thursday, we went to Alabama to visit family on Dusty's side.

Unfortunately, I didn't take a lot of pictures :(  So, I don't have many to share.

This was a last minute trip, we actually booked our tickets 13 days before we left.  That is so not how I normally do things, but it was necessary.  Dusty's grandma has not been doing well for a while, and was doing worse.  Since she hadn't met Samantha yet and the last time we were out to visit was nearly 2 years ago, we wanted to be sure to visit and see her.  We had an amazing trip with such wonderful people and as always, it was hard to leave. 

Samantha hated the plane ride on the way out there and did better on the way back, but that was when I hated the plane more than words could express lol.  Terrible pilot, too tiny seats and a strong desire to punch someone the next time I heard the annoying "Fasten Seatbelt" sign come on quickly came over me.

Samantha also proved that she is a creature of habit and much prefers to sleep on her terms, in her bed, with her blanket and nothing can change that.  After sleeping terribly while we were there, she bounced back as soon as we got home.  :)

While we were in Alabama, Kaitlyn got an awesome call that brought her so much excitement!  We won a private, Build-A-Bear party with Victoria Justice from the Nickelodeon show Victorious.  She is over the moon excited.  She gets to invite 15 friends, they will be filming and shooting a promo while they play and have fun!  The only drawback is that it is in Glendale, but, it ends up being a positive because we will get to meet up with some awesome friends that it's been far too long since we've seen!  So, Sunday, Kaitlyn is going to party like a rock star!

Saturday, we get to March For Babies!  Woo-Hoo!!  What an exciting day this is for us every year.  It's a day we get to share our son with the world in a very special way.  It's a day we get to give thanks for the research that not only gave us time with him, but also give back for the research that gave us Samantha.  It's truly a great day.  And so far, our team has raised $10,505!!  What an accomplishment!!

17 months.

In less than a month, Samantha will be half way through her second year.  She has grown so much, each month it seems like she's closer to being a full blown kid and further and further away from being our little baby.  I know I'm slaking a little on this update, since it's been 4 days, but she likes to be on the go.  And on the go we have been!

That first paragraph, I did write on the 13th.  Obviously, I'm slacking.  HAHA.

So, let me fill you in on her.

Samantha talks.  A lot.  And a lot of people can understand her.  She repeats everything that she wants to and there are some things she'll say once and that's it.  It is as though she just wanted to prove so could say it, and that was it.   She loves to look at the pictures on the wall (and you know we have a gazillion) and say the names of the people in them.  She's started saying "CHEEEEESE" when a camera is pointed at her and she is quick to yell no at Kaitlyn when she's irritated.  She definitely communicates a lot.  And sometimes, she communicates in the form of throwing fits.  She throws herself on the ground, she screams, she tries to hit you away and on Wednesday she made the mistake of biting me until it broke through the skin.  You can easily tell if she is happy, sad, mad or anything else.

She is running everywhere.  Sometimes she falls, sometimes she doesn't.  She has finally (I don't know why I'm excited, I know how this turns out) started climbing up everything.  Typically, she falls.  She loves to dance, loves to sing songs and make faces.  She talks to her babies for nearly an hour after I put her in bed and she falls asleep.  Her favorite game is to walk in circles, over and over and over until she is so dizzy she falls.  Then, she does it again, or tries walking backwards.

If you are eating, she is your best friend.  It doesn't matter what it is, she wants a bite.  If she likes it, she's by your side until it's all the way gone.

At home, she's an amazing sleeper.  In the car, she sleeps good.  Anywhere else and there is little to no hope.  She still has constipation issues, she's been on her first plane ride, her hair is growing, she loves her sister and other kids, she hates hair bows, loves playing outside and Elmo, she walks around with her baby doll and tries to feed her, and next weekend, she'll not only walk for babies, but she'll go to LA with us to meet Victoria Justice!

She's amazing.

Matthew's Team

This year, we will walk for the fifth year in a row in honor of Matthew's memory.  We will be surrounded by families that have been affected by prematurity, infant illness and child loss.  We will walk with those that have both had miraculous endings and those that have felt the pain of saying good-bye to their baby far too soon.  In 25 days, we will walk, one step at a time to give more babies a healthy start at life.

Every year (with last year being an exception) our team, Matthew's Team, holds a fundraiser to help raise money for the March of Dimes.  The money raised goes towards research to help more babies be born full term and healthy, as well as help comfort families on the NICU roller coaster.  The goal we set for our team this year is $10,000.  That money can do a lot of good for a lot of families.  It can help prematurity become a thing of the past and infant mortality something that affects fewer and fewer families.

Saturday night, we hosted Taco Night.  It was a success.  Thanks to the AMAZING sponsors, the INSPIRING team and everyone involved we raised more than $3,500 in a single night!  Thanks as well to a special check presentation that night and our grand total for the evening exceeded $8,500!!  Amazing.  Incredible.  Inspiring.

This is not something I could have even thought about doing alone.  Starting months in advance, the planning begins.  Many of our Sunday dinners were spent putting together team shirts, organizing the generous donations from the community, sending out donation request letters, preparing tickets and finalizing decor and details.  We had some great help from family members in selling tickets and getting the word out for donation needs.  Our moms and grandma were fantastic the day of with cooking a whole lotta tacos!  Our families were much appreciated with setting up, serving food, cleaning up and helping everything run smoothly.

And look at this amazing list of sponsors:

Many people have asked why we still walk.  It won't change our story.  It won't bring Matthew back.  It won't make a difference to us.  And not only does that not matter to me personally, but it is wrong.

We started walking to do something for Matthew.  As a mother, not being able to do anything for your child is such a helpless feeling.  March for Babies was, and continues to be, a way that his name can live on.  His life can have continued meaning to more that just us.  And, it's a thank you.  Matthew had time with us because of the work the March of Dimes has done.  If he had been born a decade or two before, we may not have had any time with him at all.  We may not have had those 10 amazing weeks with a sweet little prince.

And, without the research done by the March of Dimes, we would not have Samantha. 

When I was first pregnant with her, we were told that we had a 30% chance of getting to viability and a 10% chance of getting to 38 weeks.  Turns out, I wasn't one of those women who got a positive pregnancy test and that meant a baby would be here 9 months later. 

During my first trimester, I went through repeat loss testing and it was determined that I had Factor Leiden V.  A blood clotting disorder that can cause blood clots to form and increase your risk of stroke.  It also means that you are more likely to develop blood clots during pregnancy.  Blood clots in pregnancy can even result in preterm, premature rupture of membranes.  Also known as your water breaking early in pregnancy.  Sound familiar?  The disease can be controlled and managed with baby aspirin and close monitoring in pregnancy.

Because of research done in prematurity and preterm labor, during my pregnancy with Samantha, p17 was approved by the FDA as a way to prevent preterm pregnancy.  I started my shots at 16 weeks and continued to get one a week until I was 36 weeks pregnant.

Samantha was born at 39 weeks and 3 days.  By cesarean because she refused to come out.   She was born healthy, full term, screaming and has thrived in her 16 months with us.

So far, our team is $544 away from our goal of $10,000.  I think we can do it.  I think we can make a difference.  If you want to help, or register to walk with our team (because awareness and support are just as important as donations) you can do so at: Matthew's Team!