35 week appointment

And it went well!  Aside from that whole running 45 minutes part. 

According to the doctor's scale I've lost 1/2 lb since last week.  My scale shows I've gained 1 since last week.  But, they said they don't care about my scale since I get weighed there are the same time of day, same part of the week, each and every week.  So, I've been instructed to eat more!  As if I could.

My blood pressure was great again, 100/60.  My belly is measuring great, she was still moving like crazy and had a great heartbeat.  He was surprised by how much she is still moving considering how big she is.  I did my group B test and should have the results back at my next appointment.  I also got all of my pre-registration paperwork for the hospital and the form to fill out for her birth certificate. 

And of course, I don't know who is more excited that I got this far, me or the doctor!  He is so surprised and pleased that we were able to get passed the 35 week mark and he has no doubt that we'll skip the NICU all together this time even if we delivered today.  Our goal is to get passed Sunday and then we're golden!

After my appointment I had an appointment to get my dtap vaccine (prevent whooping cough and tetnus) in Roseville.  So, to pass the time I went to BRU and picked up some more diapers (yay to Alicia for the BRU coupons!) and a super sweet outfit.  Then the Carter's in the same parking lot.  And from there I headed to Target.  I picked up some more nursing bras and a few of the final little things we need for her arrival. 

And that's it really.  We go back in another week when we'll get our last p17 shot :)

35 weeks down, 35 days to go!!

(Ignore the quality of this picture, I took it real quick so I could change my clothes lol)

How far along? 35 weeks!  35 days until my due date, 4 weeks/28 days until I will have her!
Weight gain/loss: 40 lbs.  Gain obviously lol.  But, I've reached the point where I'm not at all hungry.  Ever really.
Maternity Clothes?  Every day :)
Stretch Marks?  Nope.
Sleep? None.  I miss sleep.  I am up every hour to use the restroom or check on Kaitlyn.
Best moment this week?  I feel like Samantha has dropped, heartburn is a little better, but I'm peeing more and my back hurts.
Food Cravings?  Milk.  And that's it really.
Belly Button, in or out?  Out, really out.  To the point where Dusty laughs at it.
What I miss?  Wine.  My doctor thinks that at this point a glass or two a week is fine (I think he almost recommends it), but I just can't bring myself to drink it.
Weekly Wisdom? Rest.  As much as you can.
Upcoming Appointments?  I go weekly now for appointments.  I have actually scheduled them through the rest of my pregnancy now :)  This week I get my progesterone, group B strep test and they will start internal exams to see if these contractions are doing anything to my cervix.

At 35 weeks, I'm to the point where they believe if Samantha is born it's unlikely she'll need any assistance.  If I go into labor, they will not stop it.  Her lungs are too developed to get or need steroid shots, which is AWESOME!  And in one week, I will have met the ultimate goals of my OB and the perinatologist.  This is all GREAT news.  In just 1 more week I can resume all normal activity.  I can walk again as much as I want, pick up and carry Kaitlyn, go to the gym, anything I want really.  Of course, I doubt I'll feel much like it :P   So, what do you think, 2 weeks ago (to the day and obviously same shirt) to this week, does it look like I dropped any?  Sometimes I feel like I absolutely did, and other times I say no.

How do you prepare for the unexpected?

I have officially been pregnant 6 times.  Those 6 pregnancies resulted in Kaitlyn, Matthew, 3 first trimester miscarriages (spontaneous, blighted ovum/missed miscarriage and chemical pregnancy) and now 34w5d with baby Samantha.  To say I was skeptical to even get out of the first trimester this time would be a huge understatement.  And after all we went through with Matthew, I was just hoping and praying that we would get further than 24 weeks before my water broke and I landed myself on bed rest or in for a long NICU stay.  I don't think I ever really expected that I would get this far.  And there are times even now when I almost don't realize how close to full term I really am.  In 16 days Samantha will be full term and can meet the world as a full term baby.  That is absolutely amazing to me.

In 6 pregnancies, this is only my second time getting past the hurdle of 33 weeks.  And really, that 33 weeks was so different than this 33 weeks.  For one, I wasn't strapped to a hospital bed this time, I didn't have to make sure that I held my urine for as long as possible to minimize how many times I got out of bed, I didn't have to have my temp and blood pressure taken every 4 hours of every day, I didn't have to spend hours staring at the ceiling, and I got to not only shower standing up, but those showers could last as long as I wanted.  Truly a blessing.

The last time I was this pregnant was 6 years ago, just about exactly.  And in that whole pregnancy I gained 15 pounds less than what I've gained so far.  I find myself questioning how much of what I feel is normal.  For example, her movements have become slightly painful at times.  Enough to take my breath away, as though she is scraping my innards with her fingernails.  My first hypochondriac thought goes to "my fluid levels must be low, this is how it felt with Matthew" and then I have to rationalize with myself "well, she is 6 lbs, my stomach is only so big, fluid has to start dwindling down at this point and my skin is so stretched it really feels more like tight pulling than anything else." and then go on with my day.

Contractions are a lot more painful and a lot more frequent.  Which, I was told at my appointment is completely normal and just my body getting ready for the big day.  Of course, that doesn't mean I wouldn't rather they just ease up a bit on the pain in my back, the cramping or the 1-2 minutes I spend not wanting to move, talk or keep my eyes open through them ;)

I think my biggest obstacle right now is the waiting.  It isn't that I want her born today (although if I would have ovulated a couple weeks earlier, this Sunday would have been an AWESOME birthday to have!), but more like I want to know how it all is going to go down.  Part of me has thought about sleeping on towels.  The other part worries that I'll be jinxing myself.  With Matthew, my water broke in the middle of the night and it was quite the mess.  BUT, at least it was at home.  There are times I get worried about it breaking in the car, at Kaitlyn's school, in the middle of a grocery store, at a pumpkin patch, you know, anywhere that isn't a controlled environment.  Anywhere where I would have to tell a stranger "hey, I'm headed to the hospital, mind cleaning up the amniotic fluid I left behind..."  And I'd really like to not have to do that.  And it isn't like you get this little warning that your body sends off that says "hey, in a few minutes, you're going to hear a popping sound followed by a gush of fluid, just FYI" you just don't get that.  One minute you're nice and dry and the next minute you're not.

And of course, I wonder when.  Will she share a birthday month with Kaitlyn?  Can I start planning their joint birthday party for next year?  Or will they have different birthdays?  Should I plan on having a newborn with us bundled up on Halloween, or will I waddle a few houses with Kaitlyn, let Dusty finish up and pass out candy so I don't pass out in the middle of the street?  And birthday parties, how can I RSVP without knowing if we will even be able to go?

With Kaitlyn, it was different.  We had more than one false alarm trip to L&D, including the morning she was born!  I've been able to avoid that this far, but how likely is it that I will go in for a false alarm this time?  Or too early and just be miserable?  And with Kaitlyn, it wasn't a big deal, Dusty was already off for FMLA, so he was always there with me and it didn't really matter if we went in at midnight or 2 PM.  It was just us.  And obviously with Matthew, Dusty was there every single night and no more than 20 minutes away during the day, I could easily hold a cesarean off for 20 minutes for him to get there.  And Kaitlyn couldn't be in the room regardless, so again it didn't matter what time of the day I delivered.

But this time, this time it's different.  Kaitlyn is 6 and she's in school.  And this month alone she's already missed 4 days (1 for a migraine and 3 for pink eye and a cold) so ideally, she would only miss the day I deliver, if that. 

In the perfect world, I would deliver on a Saturday morning.  Around 10 I would go into the hospital, already showered, put make-up on, Kaitlyn would already be showered and dressed and in the time Dusty is showered and dressed, I could have the car seat and our packed bags by the door.  I would go into labor and delivery, already well dilated, start pushing in a couple of hours and 3 pushes later we would hear her cry and she would be placed on my chest, Dusty would cut the cord, they would weigh her, clean her off and then Dusty could hold her and then Kaitlyn followed by our moms and the rest of the family.  Kaitlyn can spend the night with a family member, Dusty can stay with us without guilt, Kaitlyn can visit the next day and we'd be discharged and she wouldn't miss any school and we wouldn't have to ask anyone to take her out of their way to get her there.

Of course, unless it's October 30.  And in that case, it would be more ideal to go into labor late Friday afternoon so I could be discharged prior to Halloween because I would hate to miss Kaitlyn trick or treating this year.

And that really leaves only 1 Saturday after 36 weeks (and it would be really nice to get passed 36 weeks), which is October 23.  Which is putting a lot of pressure on one day.  So, then I think about it and I would be ok with a weekday birth, IF I went into labor around 3:30.  I would have already gotten Kaitlyn from school, Dusty could get home and get us to the hospital before traffic got too bad, we could have a quick labor, deliver around dinner time or maybe a little later, spend time together and Dusty could go home with Kaitlyn, take her to school in the morning and then be back with us.

That is how my mind works.  I need to have the answers.  I need to know how it is all going to work out.  I need to know every little detail of how it is going to play out, when it is going to play out, what details do we need to work out?

Obviously, I have some severe control issues.  Severe control issues.  Oh what I would do for a crystal ball...

34 week OB appointment

And it went great!  Weight gain is up to almost 40 lbs, I'm sure we'll pass that by my next appointment!  Uterus is measuring right on target, blood pressure is at 100/68 and my urine dip was good.  I was sent to do a Urine Analysis immediately after my appointment though because of my experience the last couple months with UTI's we want to be sure the last of it is all gone :)

We had the opportunity to discuss labor.  Contractions have definitely picked up and gotten more painful.  At this point (34w3d) they will not try to stop labor, so I just need to see if there is a pattern, it's close enough and then take our bags and head in to L&D if it's time.  We made a decision regarding the whole VBAC vs. Cesarean dilema.  He agreed that a VBAC is a great option for us and there is no reason, as of right now, why it wouldn't be feasible.  His question: If it turns out that I get to 41-42 weeks, what will *I* want to do.  Will I want to try to wait it out for a VBAC or would I want to cut it her out.  Induction is not an option because of the risk of uterine rupture and I know well enough to expect to fall into the 1% group when making any decision.  I told him, honestly, I don't want to get too far past 38 weeks.  He said that was fine with him, he would be willing to do a cesarean anytime after 37 weeks if that's what I wanted.  So, my chart has been updated to read that if I do not deliver by my 38 week appointment (Nov 3) I will get the next available surgery time and Samantha will be born.  Which means, Samantha will be here no later than November 8!!!!  That is only 32 days away!!  And this is something I feel really comfortable with.  More than anything I just want her here and healthy.  And the positive note is that it will give me at least 12 days to recover before Kaitlyn's birthday party, I don't have to worry about not being there for Kaitlyn on her birthday, their birthdays can still be close without sharing a weekend and I can know that within the next 787 hours she will be in our arms.

If we go before 38 weeks (which is still highly likely), we will have a VBAC.  It will be at Mercy San Juan and as long as we go another week and a half, she will come home with us.  Dr. Z did tell us that because it's a VBAC and because there are still risks associated, that I cannot have the room full of family I wanted for delivery.  Which sucks.  I had really wanted to at least give aunts an opportunity to be there when Samantha was born, but he said there is limited space and if something were to go wrong and I would need an emergency surgery, they want to be sure I'm easy to get to and the room is easy to clear out.  So, we are limited to 4 people.  Obviously Dusty and Kaitlyn will be there and then we will ask our moms if they would like to be.  Which of course means I need to rethink all of the camera angles I was originally thinking about...

So, there it is.  32 days, at most, until we meet our little girl.  And there is a possibility, if we go cesarean, that she could share a birthday with Uncle Scotty, Cousin Lisa or Auntie Jamie.  Lol, like we don't have enough November birthdays as it is :P

*Edit to Add*

I forgot to add the latest update regarding the Factor Leiden V!  Which is another reason we discussed cesarean.  So far, the clotting disorder has been managed just fine with simple baby aspirin.  However, he does want me to stop the baby aspirin 2 weeks before I deliver to reduce the risk of excessive bleeding after delivery.  Obviously, I want to be able to clot then to help my body heal.   He would like me to stop baby aspirin when I get my last p17 shot in 2 weeks.  BUT, if for some reason, I don't go into labor in that time, I worry about the risk of a blood clot in the placenta or umbilical cord or diminishing her blood supply by being off of the baby aspirin for so long.  I would hate to put her in a position where she wasn't thriving just so I can have the birthing experience that *I* want. 

We added a new member to the family!

And no, I did not deliver yet :P

Instead my youngest sister married her "one true love" (as Kaitlyn likes to put it) on Saturday surrounded by family and friends.  Before the wedding, Kaitlyn asked me how a wedding makes people married.  We discussed the promises people make to each other in front of everyone and to God to stay married forever.  Her response was simply that you can do that everywhere, why do you need a wedding to be married.  Finally she told me that she believed that when you kiss after the wedding, it's the kiss of true love and it makes you married forever.  I like that idea.

Wedding preparation started Friday.  Well, actually it started over a year ago, but our hard core get it done weekend started Friday.  We decorated, had lunch, had manicures and pedicures, practiced the ceremony and then had a yummy dinner before heading to the hyatt to spend the night with Samantha before she traded her last name in for another.

Kaitlyn was obviously SO excited to be the flower girl and took her job seriously ;)

Saturday morning (after being awakened by the hooker next door much too early) we all started getting ready!  Jen Edens did an AMAZING job and made sure to make it fun ;)  The non-pregnant, non-five year old girls enjoyed mimosas and we all had some pastries and fruit.

Before we knew it, the time had come to get to the wedding.  Samantha's photographers did some bridesmaid shots at the hotel and then we started walking down K street to the waiting cars that were taking us to the Capital Plaza Ballroom for the ceremony and reception.

I can't wait to see the pictures they got!

The ceremony was beautiful!  Kaitlyn performed her duties as flower girl perfectly.  She chose to sit next to Grandma and Grandpa and Great-Grandma Mauda during the ceremony and sat still pretty much the whole time.  Then, it was time for more picture taking before we headed down to mingle at the reception.

I was very proud of Kaitlyn, when they did the announcement of the bridal party.  She did her Miss America walk down the steps and then the "daddy" dance until she got to Grandma's seat.  I REALLY hope someone got pictures or video of it, I would love to see it in action.  AND, it only cost me $2 to get her to do it :P

The reception was beautiful.  Everything was perfect, food was delicious, dancing was great and everyone was gorgeous.  I really wanted to stay until the bride and groom left, but I couldn't.  Kaitlyn was passed out in a chair by 8:30 and I was finished by the same time.  It was too much for me in one weekend.  :)

And I need to give a special thank you to Dusty for being absolutely AMAZING.  Not only did he run a few blocks when both Christina and I forgot our speech in the car, but he also made sure to take care of getting all the gifts out of the venue, AND he carried a sleeping Kaitlyn to the car, got me in the car and took me home.  Then, as I got home and laid down so that I could rest and he took all the bobby pins and the hair comb out of my hair for me.  I really lucked out to marry such an awesome man.

So David, welcome to the family!

34 weeks!

Holy Moly, within 6 weeks I will go from holding my princess inside of me and nurturnig her through a cord that connects us to holding her in my arms!  How amazing!!

How far along? 34 weeks!  We're sooo close!

Weight gain/loss: 39 pounds!  I have no idea how I'm up 3 from last week, I feel like I have NO appetite!

 
Maternity Clothes?  Every day :)
Stretch Marks?  The ones I thought I saw last week are gone, so I don't think so :)
Sleep? I'm not getting up as much, but I'm not sleeping that great either.
Best moment this week?  I survived Samantha's wedding :)
Food Cravings?  Milk.  And that's it really.
Belly Button, in or out?  Out, really out.
What I miss?  Bending at the waist, being able to stay up past 9, wearing my wedding ring, energy.
Weekly Wisdom? One moment it will feel like 12 weeks will never get here and then, in a blink of an eye, you're down to a month and a half before your due date!!  Find something to enjoy every day of it!!
Upcoming Appointments?  Wednesday is my 34 week appointment.  I'm hoping to get all the information I need to make a labor plan :)  I *might* be going in today as well.  It looks like Kaitlyn has pink eye and I've been exposed.  I am calling when the office opens to see what I should do.

October

Do you have a word where sometimes you hear it and it can make your blood run cold and your body stop in it's tracks?

October can do that to me.  We went into October three years ago with such happiness and halfway into it the world as we knew it completely stopped.

Three years ago yesterday, Matthew was discharged from the PICU after a 3 day stay for an undetermined virus.  Considering that he was only 8 weeks old, premature and only a couple days past when he was supposed to be born when we took him into the ER, any fever was taken incredibly seriously and needed to be treated.  The PICU was so different from the NICU.  If there wasn't a parent there, the baby or kid was basically by themselves, the nursing staff was so much smaller than we were used to.  I literally stayed by Matthew's side around the clock.  I would leave for 45 minutes a day to take a shower and get changed when Dusty came and I would only go use the restroom if someone else was there.  We spent a lot of time cuddling, nursing and resting.

When he was discharged, it was such a great day.  In all of his labs, nothing new was found.  He still had high bilirubin levels, but that was ok.  We were just advised to nurse as much as he wanted and to take him out in the sunlight as much as possible.  Our baby was ok.

The next 15 days were wonderful.  We were able to take him to the pumpkin patch with amazing friends and have the first, and only, picture taken of the 4 of us together.  We were able to take him on the haunted train ride with our families 14 days after he came home from the PICU.  He went to Sunday dinner, he was visited by friends and family, he took his sister to school, he had books read to him, songs sang to him and had the opportunity to share our lives with us.  15 days is such a short amount of time.  If we had known that was all that we had left together, I don't know what we would have or could have done differently.  He was surrounded by love, covered in kisses and held nearly all of his waking hours.

The start of October starts the 15 day countdown to the day we lost him.  The wee hours of the morning where we found him not breathing, where we tried to save him, where we screamed for them to try to save him, where we rocked Kaitlyn and promised her everything would be ok.  How could it not?  We had already jumped through the hurdles to have him, to keep him, to raise him, how could we go through all of what we did to have him taken away?  How could the universe do that to a family?  A family that loved their baby, cared for their child and desperately wanted him regardless of what they had to do to have him?

15 days until it will be 3 years since we held him, kissed him, felt his warm, soft skin, changed his diapers, nursed him, pumped for him, prepared a bottle for him, changed his clothes, read him a story, sang him a song, tried to coax a smile from his sweet face, stared into his eyes, smelled his sweet scent, gave him a bath and listened to his coos.  How could 3 years of already passed?  How have 3 years already passed?  There are times when it feels like just yesterday we were physically living through the nightmare and there are other times that it feels like it was just yesterday.

October starts the 22 day countdown to the day where we had to watch him be put in his final resting place.  Where we had to pick out his clothes, his casket, the programs for the services and then we had to go.  We had to go and say good-bye.  We had to explain to our then nearly 3 year old Kaitlyn that Matthew wasn't sleeping, he just looked that way and he couldn't wake up.  He wouldn't wake up again.

He would be 3 years old now.  He would be running, playing, jumping, riding a tricycle, talking, singing songs, playing with Kaitlyn, starting preschool, potty trained, having his favorite movies, food and television shoes.  He wouldn't be a baby anymore, he would be a little boy.  And we are missing all of it.  How in the world is that fair?

He is also just a few weeks away from becoming a big brother.  And while I do deeply believe that he had a lot to do with finding just the right spirit to fill this baby's body, I would much rather he actually be here to have fun with her.

October also marks a few national observances as well.  October itself is National SIDS Awareness Month, and it is Breast Cancer Awareness month,  and while October 15 is Matthew's angel day, it is also Pregnancy and Infant Loss Remembrance day.

Of course there are positive things that happened in October that can not be forgotten, and there are happy times ahead to be had in October.  But that doesn't mean a part of me doesn't want to just skip it on the calendar every year and pretend it isn't there.