Stranger Danger

Near Kaitlyn's school there has been a stranger danger alarm out.  Since Friday, a white man in his 30s driving a white, windowless cargo style van has made at least 4 reported attempts to abduct girls between the ages of 7 and 10.  He pulls up to them, offers them a ride to school and when they say no, demands they get in the car.  Fortunately, each time, the girls have been smart and educated enough to run away and get away.  He has driven off without an adult witness seeing him, without a license plate number being recorded, and without the police being able to find him.  All of the attempts have been in the same area.  All in broad daylight.  All with girls.

Each time there is an attempted abduction, the school calls each and every parent that has an up to date phone number on file.  The news has carried it extensively.  The police have been involved to the point of having several patrol cars around the school (and I'm sure other schools in the area) and the schools have been doing stranger danger teaching in addition to urging parents NOT to let their kids walk home alone.

Even so, yesterday I saw at least a dozen young girls, from Kindergarten on up walking home by themselves. Not even with a buddy.  It absolutely terrified me.  And I totally get that those parents don't care any less for their kid, and who knows what situations prevent them from being able to arrange for afterschool pick up for their child, but it still terrifies me.  I want to give them each a can of pepper spray, a super loud whistle, a taser, something.  Anything.

And it has led to a lot of discussions at home about stranger danger.  This is something we've done since Kaitlyn was in preschool.  One of our biggest lessons is just because someone says they are something doesn't mean they are.  If someone says they are a police officer, if they are in uniform ask for a badge, if they aren't, run.  Always run.  If you can't, kick, scream, bite, punch and do anything you can to be able to run.  If someone goes to the school and says "I'm a friend of your mommy's, she's hurt/sick/dead/crazy and told me to pick you up,"  Run.

But, the hardest part has been stressing that 90% of adults are ok, honest and want to only help protect kids in the community, it's that darned 10% that are sneaky little bastards that should be strung up by their toes, shot and then swarmed by starving black widows.

I'm not one to believe that kidnappings and violent crimes against children are up, or that the world today isn't as safe as it was 20-50 years ago, more that the media has made us so much more aware of the evil in the world and how prevalent it is.  And I'll tell you, it terrifies me to know that in 3 years Kaitlyn will be in middle school.  If the past 7 years have flown by, it's unlikely the next 3 are going to all of a sudden slow down and give us a break.  And after that it's driving.  In 8 years, she can get her permit.  Um.  What?  In 8 years she can drive around with Samantha in the car listening to whatever the Justin Beiber of the year is?  No Thanks.

I digress....

Stranger Danger is very real.  It's very scary and as parents it's our job to both teach our kids that strangers are scary, but that sometimes you have to trust them.  In the real world, eventually we have to start seperating ourselves from our kids some.  Eventually, they have to start school (unless you home school) or start daycare, or an activity where you cannot be attached to their hand.  What are your methods?

A Cloth Hiatus

Be forewarned, if you do not want to hear about baby poop, hit that little red box up there.  It might get a little, um, gross?

Since about a month after Samantha's birthday, she started spitting up again.  At first it was just every other day or so, maybe a tablespoon, but it has graduated into several times a day.  Throw in the fact that we're going back and forth between constipation and diarrhea and rashes, screaming at night, fussy during the day and her turning into a completely different baby resulted in a trip to the doctor's office.

When we got there, the nurse ripped away any delusions I had that she was still a baby by having her stand on the big kid scale.  She loved it and is up to 22.2 lbs. 

Her examination revealed a massive amount of stool stuck in there.  Like, a lot.  Our normally conservative doctor recommended we get it all out.  This involves 2 days of enemas, 14 days of Miralax at the adult dosage, and 3 months at the half dose.  We go back in 2 weeks to make sure it's all gone.

Have you ever told a 14 month old to relax, lay on her side, hold her knees to her chest and not clench her bottom?  But, it does seem we're making some progress.

Samantha has also developed a cold and a peak in her mouth revealed that she s just willy nilly with teething and has a massive molar that cut through her back gums.  But, just one.

Considering she's not sleeping that great and we've went through 18 diapers in 12 hours, even with a stash of 60+ cloth diapers, even with my absolute disgust with the chemicals in disposables, it just makes sense to spend the next 2-3 weeks in disposables to make it easier.  Potty training is also off the table or the next 3 months (not that we had necessarily planned on starting) until she is regular again all natural.

I HATE the term

Baby Loss Mom.  Or Mother.  Or Mama.  Or BLM.

I think because it emphasizes so much on the word Baby.  Or, maybe it's just in my head that it does.

To me, I don't think it matters how old your child was when they passed away.  The pain is still enough to make you feel as though someone cut through your chest with the dullest of spoons, ripped out your heart, stomped on it, put it through a paper shredder, then grabbed a couple of those pieces up, shoved them back in your chest cavity, stitched you up with a rusted needle and sent you your way to see if you survive it or not.

Sometimes, I think that when people find out we had a son that passed away, they find it less heartbreaking to find out that he was "just a baby" and that someone makes it a little more Ok?  Because after all, we didn't have as much time to get to know him, or to bond with him, or to become attached.

Seriously.

I mean seriously?

And I get it.  I think there are different pains depending on how old your child is when you are forced into making their final arrangements.  Whether your child was born still, or passed as an infant, a toddler, a child, a teenager or a grown adult with their own family, the pain is just as intense.  It is still such a raw feeling that makes you want to puke.

You miss different things.  You either miss the things they would do or you miss not knowing the things they would have done.  You either see them in their own children or you see them in their siblings.  You either get to reflect on the years you created memories together or you spend those years wondering what memories you would have created.  You either miss them and their quirky ways or you miss them and learning about their personality traits.

I just do not understand how we got to a point where we started differentiating.  Where we started almost justifying it.  As though if you had decades with your child, that made the pain less unbearable or if you didn't have a chance to find out what their favorite color was somehow the pain isn't as terrible.  After all, you didn't even know them or you had that time together.

And I do know that the term isn't used to be hurtful or differentiate necessarily.  I get that.  I respect that.  I respect those that feel comfortable using it, I respect those that want a community like feeling and get that when they can classify themselves with others.  I mean, after all, there are terms for widows and orphans, yet there has yet to be a term to describe the horrific feeling of being a parent forever separated from your child.  There is no term imaginable that can sum up what it is like to continue living when your child does not.  But, regardless of the child's age, the parents are left with that pain.

At the end of the day, I wish there was a term.  A term that can just sum up a sentence when asked how many kids you have and where the missing one is as quickly as the term widow and orphan.  And I'm surprised that with how unfortunately common it is in today's world and how we are working on grieving and accepting and growing as a community we don't have one.

One day.

Life is so short

And I think sometimes we tend to forget that.  Maybe it's human nature to get caught up in the drama, the negative and the he said/she said crap that contribute to our days slipping away.  We try so hard to be so perfect sometimes I think we lose focus of what is truly important.

I don't think I've ever heard of someone laying on their death bed thinking "I wish I would have done the laundry more often" or "Gosh, I hope the picture frames are all dusted on the top."  I'm not saying it's ok to let your house rival hoarders, but, is it really necessary to dust every single day?

My resolution this year is to have life be simpler.  I've learned if I have less stuff, less dusting, right?  And that leaves more time for playing outside or practicing Eskimo Kisses.

Part of that too is making time for those who matter and who I not only love and adore, but that I like spending time with.  I think it's silly to spend time with people we think we should for one reason or another when that time could be spent creating quality memories.

I want a life filled with laughter, memories and good times.  I want my kids to grow up with fond memories of a happy, stable, fun childhood.  I want everyday to count and every moment to matter.

What are your wishes?  What do you wish you spent more time focusing on?  What do you think is your biggest time drainer?  Is it worth it?

A trip down Would Be, Could Be, Should Be Lane

It's open enrollment time at Kaitlyn's school.  It's the time where other kids who are not assigned to it, can petition to have her school become their "home school." 

This is not Kaitlyn's home school.  She is a transfer student, which means that at any time the school can technically decide that there isn't enough room for her, she isn't performing up to grade level standards, that she isn't behaving the way she needs to and ship her back to her "home" school.  Last week, the school secretary called me and told me how much they love having her there, what an asset she is to the class and the student body and how they really want to make this her home school.  Which, we of course are ALL for, I mean, if they tried to send her back to her home school, there would be no question in my mind that homeschooling would be the route we would take.  Of course, that led to the statement "if you have any other children enrolling, be sure to submit them for open enrollment as well."

This time 5 years ago, I found out I was pregnant with a little one.  I believe it was right around the 16th of January.  It was a little one that didn't give me that dreaded evil morning sickness.  A little one that turned out to be a stubborn and strong little boy.  A little one that less than 7 short months later would make his appearance.  A little boy that would be 5 this year.

We should be filling out open enrollment paperwork for Matthew to start Kindergarten this year.  I remember talking with Kaitlyn forever about what would be the perfect backpack for her to start school with.  Kaitlyn literally has over 25 backpacks.  She rotates them now between going on trips, school days and sleepovers.  She has her favorite one week that becomes her least favorite next week.  They are impossible to store because she has so many she loves.  I wonder if we would make that same dreaded mistake with Matthew?  I wonder what kind of backpack he would want?  Would it be a character one, or could we talk him into a an awesome black and white chevron striped one?  Would his name be on it?

Kaitlyn and Matthew would go to the same school, but with Kaitlyn entering the third grade, they wouldn't share recess or lunch time.  She would be with the older grades.  But, they would have the same school activities, the same back to school nights, the same matching school spirit shirts and sweatshirts.  He would have to actually get dressed when I took Kaitlyn (because I assume that if he were here now, I would let him go in his jammies like I do Samantha) and they would have to figure out which classroom we went to first on Open House night.  I bet Kaitlyn would insist on a game of rock, paper, scissors, where she almost always plays scissors. 

I bet he would be a strong, happy, eager to please little guy just like his sisters are.  I bet he would do great and excel.  I bet Kaitlyn would already have him reading.  I bet the girls would just love him. 

Sometimes it's so easy to get lost taking the What should be lane down to the what would be and what could be forest.  This year, when August comes around and we celebrate our little man turning 5, and another year without him, instead of Kaitlyn holding her brother's hand going into school and showing him where his class would be and how to hang up his backpack, we'll carry him in our hearts and think of him and who he would be today.

Miss Samantha

I know I just updated on her a couple of weeks ago when she turned 14 months, but she has developed so much since then, I want to be sure I document it.  :)

She has been talking so much.  And I'm especially excited that she has figured out how to string a couple words together.  Of course, they aren't super clear all the time, but it's pretty clear and she does hand motions to help you out.  She's also picky about when she says it.  If she's tired at all, grumpy or eating, she'll just keep her little lips closed.

Hi
Bye
I Love You
No No
More
No More
Archie
Dadda (and sometimes Daddy, depends on if she's being ornery)
Mama
Chico
Archie
Kaitlyn (I think she's trying to)
What's that
nose (and points to it)
teeth (and points to it)
Eye (and points to it)
dog
doggie
Hey
Stop
baby
shhhhh
weeeeeee
bear
Elmo
eat
milk
cup
banana
cookie
bite
tickle
boo
up
spider
backyard
apple
hot
brrrrr
uh (but not the oh)
poo poo (usually when she is trying to go or has just went)
diaper (occasionally accompanied with a diaper in hand or standing at the changing table)
vroom
good girl
bad girl
girl


She loves to ask for kisses and hugs.  She'll come up to you with her lips all puckered doing the mmmmmm sound.  She also has two different ways she does her hands.  One is for up and to pick her up right that second and hold her.  The other is to pick her up and set her down wherever she wants.  If her hands are close together, it means cuddle time.  Love it.  Of course, she'll also do that to the dogs to try so hard to get them to lick her hands.

She also knows where the cups are and the milk, so she'll get a cup, stand at the fridge and scream and cry for it.  And that led to the poop disaster of last weekend that we are still battling.

On Friday, she had an extra cup of milk, bringing the total of the day to 3 7 oz cups of milk.  Which led to no poop on Saturday.  Since she normally has perfect poops 3-4 times a day, this led to a rough Sunday.  It led to "stuck" poo, and a bath to help her work it out.  It led to a golfball sized ball of hard yuckiness and to a 14 month old with hemorrhoids.  Which led, to screaming, more baths, infant Advil and lots of fruit and apple juice to help the rest that was backed up in there to come out more smoothly.  Which, has so far led to a week of alternating between good poo and diarrhea like poo.  Which, has led to an ugly rash that isn't going away as easily as they normally do.  Even with creams, liners and using only the bamboo diapers.  So, we shall see where this leads us.

But, to end the blog on a funny note.  The other night, I was getting Samantha ready for a bath after a dinner of chili left her hair delicious lol.  I started running the water while Kaitlyn and Samantha were in the playroom.  Then, I went into her room to get out the jammies she would wear after and to grab her towel and all that goodness.  Then, Kaitlyn yelled for me.  Samantha was in the bathtub.  She saw the water, decided that inch or two was enough for her and climbed in.  Fully clothed.  And diapered.  She is a determined little one that's for sure.

Posts I'm Working On

This week has been CRAZY busy!  I've spent time on the computer, but haven't had enough time to do much blogging!  :(

Here are things I've been working on:

* Nursing Cover Tutorial
* March for Babies Updates
* Super Cute T-Shirt dress tutorial
* Shirred Skirt Tutorial
* Silly things Samantha has been up to
* My thoughts on STAR testing
* A thought on the necessities of life with a toddler
* Thoughts on the lifelong journey of grief
* Our Healthy, Low Calorie "without knowing it" superbowl snack plans

Here's hoping I get all my thoughts posted this week :)