Wednesday, February 24, 2010

How I spent the evening

As most already know, a month and a half after Matthew passed, we had to move.  Which meant that no matter how much I didn't want to and wasn't ready to, we had to pack up Matthew's room.

Dusty and his dad cut out a part of the wall for me to take, which has since been framed and mounted on our wall, surrounded by his pictures and foot imprint the funeral house gave us.  But, nearly everything else basically just went into tubs.  There was some organization, but not a lot.  Over 2 years later, it is still in tubs, in the garage.

A couple weeks ago, Dusty decided that he wanted to clean out the garage.  I figured that meant the stuff he had out there, not the stuff that I had stored out there.  I was wrong.  He wants it all gone through, sorted and organized, and put into the new storage unit.  This includes the 7 tubs that house Matthew's belongings.

So, when we got home this evening, that's what I got to do.  I got to open the tubs, sort through it and decide what to do with what.  Even a year ago, I would have said, it all gets saved and kept in it's tubs.  End of story.  Even through the first pregnancy of the year I thought that it would stay in tubs.  We would buy all new stuff, we would start over as far as baby things go and that would be that. 

What a difference a year can make.  And I found myself ok with the idea of using some things for a future baby, if we have one.  The first bin I happened to open was titled "Matthew's clothes and memories" and it was probably not the best place to start.

I went through the box the funeral home gave us.  There were so many cards in there, and so many I hadn't read.  I looked at the guestbook for the services and was surprised by how many signatures.  The day has always been a bit of a blur with a few key moments sticking out, but there were people who signed it that I didn't have any idea were there.

I had already told Dusty I wanted to make a quilt out of Matthew's clothes.  So, the clothes were fairly easy and included 3 piles; 1. Clothes for the quilt, things I remember him wearing and knew he wore; 2. Clothes that I would be ok with using for another baby, mostly clothes he never got to wear or couldn't be used in the quilt for whatever reason; 3. clothes to donate.  Mostly ones that I never cared for, don't know why I bought, never used and don't need.   There were so many clothes.

In the end, I think it went well and was a beneficial task to take on.  Of course, I probably could have happily put it off until my death bed, but in going through it all I was reminded of how loved Matthew was, how spoiled he was and how loved and spoiled we are by amazing friends and family.  And I am eternally grateful for both.


Nicole said...

I can't imagine how difficult and painful that must have been for you, but I'm glad you were able to find it cathartic in a way :)

AKD said...

I sobbed a month ago when I went through Maddie's belongings and organized them, but it was also such a sweet way to remember her. I am so glad that you could be close to Matthew in this way, and that you shared this part of his story with us.

aalcanter said...

What a wonderful idea to make a quilt! You will have to post pictures so we can see the final result. :)