"Good God! Why..."

Today is Wednesday, which means I get to go, see my doctor and get a shot to help prevent pre-term labor.  This morning I went in, found a parking space easily (score!) walked in and got on the elevator.  It looked like a pretty easy day at the doctor's offices this morning.  Instead of having a packed lobby of people waiting for the elevators and then being squished in there, the lobby was empty and there was only one other person to share the elevator with me.

Considering that my stomach has grown, I get a lot of comments from a lot of strangers.  Most are the common questions "when are you due?"  or "is this your first?" and things of that nature that are usually done with a smile and then an unwelcomed rub on the stomach, which is only unwelcomed because it is a complete stranger who I have no idea is a nose picker or not.

Today wasn't that way.  He was a grouchy old man, trousers up to his armpits and all.  His question was almost more of a statement "First or Second" to which I responded "third" and he got even grouchier with his "Good God!  Why would you do that?" statement after.  Rather than dignify his rudeness with any response I gave him the smile.  You know, the one that has your lips turned up, forcefully and your eyes are shooting dangers as if to say "You are so lucky I was raised better than that."

Seriously, considering that you are not feeding, diapering, schooling, paying for or raising any of my children I could have 90 and it wouldn't be any of your damn business.  And if you are from a generation where it was more common to have closer to a dozen kids in your family than a half a dozen, I really don't care to hear your negative opinion.

33 weeks, 49 days until my due date!

How far along? 33 weeks.  Only 2 more weeks until we could deliver her and likely take her home with us, when I go home.  Only 4 more p17 shots to try and prevent labor.

Weight gain/loss: 36 pounds

Maternity Clothes?  Every day :)
Stretch Marks?  My tummy is clear, but earlier today I noticed a few tiny white ones on one boob :(
Sleep? Most nights I go to bed at 9:30, get up once around midnight to use the restroom, again at 4 to use the restroom and am out of bed by 6.
Best moment this week?  Samantha is getting so big, when she kicks you can literally grab a hold of her foot.  She has hiccups all the time.  Her nursery is ready, all of her clothes are clean and put away, the hospital bag is packed, my camera bag is ready, we are all set for her :)
Food Cravings?  Milk.  And that's it really.
Belly Button, in or out?  Out, really out.
What I miss?  Not having heartburn :)
Weekly Wisdom? Enjoy it.  Even if it means you have to stop what you are doing, sit down and enjoy what you are going through.
Upcoming Appointments?  Wednesday is p17.  It's a super early appointment, before Kaitlyn goes to school.

Matthew was born at 33 weeks.  We know first hand what a 33 week baby looks like.  Their full head of hair, their long fingernails, their perfectly formed lips, their expressive eyebrows, their tiny little nose and of course, their big personality.  It makes it so exciting for us to know how far Samantha is and how much like a newborn she really truly is in there.  She's just taking a little longer to get stronger, fatter and help those lungs get as strong as possible.  We know how important another week or two of pregnancy can be, how much development and growing they do and they need.  We can only wish that Matthew had the same opportunity.  The difference could have been life saving.

Overachievers

That's what we are.  I know it, Dusty knows it and Kaitlyn is learning it.  We like to do more than what is expected of us, we like to accomplish our goals and then some, we like to be the best at whatever we do and that is just how it is. 

With that comes some down falls that sometimes it can be hard to overcome.  It can be hard to accept that sometimes average is perfectly normal and perfectly fine.  You don't always have to win.

Wednesday brought us a few examples of how we are such overachievers.  Kaitlyn's teacher has been really impressed with how good she is doing this year.  She was even more impressed when she found out that she still has a couple of months before she turns 6 and is easily the youngest in her classroom, by quite a bit.  We received her first ever progress report yesterday as a first grader.  Progress reports do not have grades, instead they get marks for "Above Grade Level" or "At Grade Level" or "Approaching Grade Level" or "Below Grade Level" in Reading/Language Arts and again in Math.  Then, they get marks between outstanding, satisfactory and needs improvement for homework, classwork, quality work, respect & responsibility and cooperation.

Kaitlyn received Above Grade Level for reading (which we are more than aware of and really push her on) and At Grade Level for Math.  For everything else she received outstanding.

Her teacher's notes:  "Kaitlyn is making great progress!  She is doing well in all areas and is a wonderful citizen.  It is hard to think of how she might improve  Bit if I am pressed, one area of improvement I can suggest for Kaitlyn is to try to write longer sentences in her journal.  Her sentences are quite simple and don't have a lot of details.  Another area is listening a little more carefully for directions (example: sometimes she doesn't hear me tell the class where to put their papers and hers doesn't get put where it need to go).  But these are little things!  Kaitlyn is a fabulous student and a real pleasure to teach."

Which is a great report and we are very proud of her and told her as much.

Of course, at the same time, as Dusty and I read it we both said "we need to work with her more on math" which is something we do constantly as it is.  We are constantly giving her math problems in the car, at home, at dinner, all the time.  And of course I immediately started working on how she can extend her sentences in her journal.  It just seems like we always want better for her, which I'm sure can be hard on her, even though I think in the end she'll benefit.

Then of course, in the same packet came her new fundraiser envelope.  Her school is having a walk a thon.  The kid in each class that raises the most money gets a school t-shirt.  The one to raise the most in the whole school gets a school sweatshirt.  The first words out of Kaitlyn's mouth "Mommy, I know we'll win my class, but how are we going to win our school?" 

Gosh I love that kid lol.  So, if you're interested in contributing to our obvious problem of competition, let me know :)

32 week OB appointment

Really, appointments at this point are still kinda boring.  You go in, pee in a cup, stand on a scale, get your blood pressure taken, get your p17 shot in the rear, listen to the heartbeat on the doppler (which, when Kaitlyn went this time, she said it sounded like someone was knocking on the door really fast!), get measured, get told "wow, you're doing great, I never thought you'd get this far this time!", wipe the doppler goo off your belly and go schedule your next appointments.  Pretty simple stuff lol.

So let's see, urine was normal.  It didn't show signs of infection yesterday, which is great since I've been on antibiotics for nearly 6 days now and it should be mostly cleared up.  It also didn't show signs of protein, which is also great since pre-eclampsia is not something I want to add to my "been there, done that" list anytime in the near future.

Weight was ok, up 35.5 lbs.  My doctor said even if I gained 100, he wouldn't make a comment, it's all fine with him.  Of course, that doesn't make it easier when Kaitlyn asks if she can call me "fat mommy" or "big mama" until the baby comes.  Which lead to a conversation about how not nice the word fat is.  And the lady at JC Penney who said I looked like I was about to pop is lucky I was in such a good mood yesterday that I didn't attempt to retaliate her comment.

Blood pressure wasn't as great.  I'm consistently a 110/60 kinda girl.  It's just how I am, in pretty much all situations.  Yesterday, it was a little stressful picking Kaitlyn up (I HATE their pick up policies and how the school is set up for that) and from there we had to make a mad dash to the doctor's office to get to my appointment on time.  So, it was elevated slightly to 124/70.  He said that it's within the normal and reasonable range, but high for me, and with the swelling, we just need to be sure that I continue to rest, rest, rest and drink as much water as possible.

The shot wasn't bad at the time.  This time I didn't feel it go in or feel the thick oil being injected.  It did, however, hurt worse than it has ever hurt before afterward.  To the point where I couldn't sit on that side at all and it still hurts this morning.  And when I took the bandaid off today there was a lot more blood than there has ever been.  Fortunately, we only have 4 more!!  Crazy I tell you!

Heartbeat was good.  It was nice and strong, she was rolling around in there.  But, she's in the head down position and pretty much out of room, so it's not like she can go anywhere to run from the doppler like she used to try to do.

Baby is measuring big.  Like, really big.  Like, I might need to rethink VBAC big.  She's more than likely closing in on 5 lbs now, when most babies are measuring close to 4 lbs by the END of 32 weeks.  And it is so crazy, my skin on my stomach is stretched so thin, I'm shocked I don't have stretch marks yet.  But, you can literally feel and make out just about every part of her body.  You can tell where the heel of her foot is, where her bottom is, where her spin is resting.  And when she flips sides, it takes my breath away, I have to stop for a minute because it hurts.  This is in no way complaining, I'm thrilled she's growing so well, but it does make me think again about our delivery options.

When I was in the first trimester, my Doctor asked if I wanted a VBAC.  I was surprised he asked since the year prior, when I was pregnant with our first m/c, he said that he wouldn't feel comfortable with me having one then.  But, this time he said that with as much time that has passed since my cesarean (over 3 years now) and with me having a textbook pregnancy previously, I would be an ideal candidate and he would support one.  I told him "Of course, but lets get through the first trimester first before we even begin discussing the last."

When he asked again at 16 weeks, again I told him I just wanted to get through the big milestones and then talk about it.  And I'm now at a point where I need to make a final decision.

Until yesterday, I was 100% pro VBAC.  I want to give this baby the best possible start and I know that a vaginal delivery gives a baby that (in most cases) and allows their lungs to properly expel all the gunk before they are born.  And I also want to enjoy labor and delivery.  The cesarean was so miserable and so painful that there wasn't anything to enjoy.  I had to wait forever to see our baby, to eat, to enjoy visits from family and friends, to walk, to use the bathroom, to be off pain meds and on and on and on.  I don't want to repeat that.

But, if i get to 40 weeks, this baby could easily be over 9 lbs.  I haven't ever delivered a 9 lb baby.  Ever.  And I'm not sure that I want to or that I can.  And I would hate to go through labor and the pain and pressure of pushing to end up tired, exhausted and in a cesarean anyways.

What to do, what to do?

If it wasn't a VBAC, induction would be an option, but it isn't.  The risk of uterine rupture increases with an induction and while I'd love a VBAC, I wouldn't love having my uterus rupture, risk brain damage to Samantha and put myself in the position of needing a hysterectomy.

But, with a VBAC we could be surrounded by family and friends when Samantha entered the world.  Kaitlyn could be there when her little sister was born, she could be placed on my chest, we could nurse after, I could eat within an hour, I could get up on my own to use the restroom, we could go home sooner, I could heal sooner, I can go to the gym sooner, and we could have what I believe is a more peaceful delivery.

So, right now, I have no idea.  Scratch that.  I have a general idea.  If I go into labor before she hits 8 1/2 lbs (obviously, an estimated 8 1/2 lbs) VBAC it is.  If she's close to 9 lbs or more, I just don't think it's realistic to deliver her vaginally and really, I like living in the real world.  So, we would have a cesarean.  I think.  I just don't know.  But, we have some time to decide, right?

Samantha's Nursery

Well, it's done.  There are one or two tiny things I want to do, but I haven't decided if I am going to actually do them right now or not or I have to wait for her to get here.  I might want to add letters to the bottom ribbons of the bow holder to spell out SAM and act as weights, and I need to wait for her to get here to fill all the picture frames :)  But, other than that, we're finished.  Clothes are washed, dried, sorted and put away (with the exception of the last few I need to get hangers for), diapers are sorted, some in the changing table ready to go and some in the closet, shoes are in the shoe rack, diaper genie is put where it goes, furniture is all put together and art is on the wall!

This is the view you see when you first walk in.  There are blinds on the window, but I like the light shining through, even if it makes for an awful picture lol.  You can see two of my attempts at being creative.  One is the wipe case.  Which, I think I got lazy and tired halfway through when trying to cover it with fabric.  I wish I would have just painted it.  To the left is her bow holder and my first attempt at painting :)

It is so hard to photograph in here, I need to get my normal lens out and use that instead.  The room is just small to photograph.  This is the wall that has the crib and wall art.  The corner between the crib and the dresser is where I have the car seat, stroller and bath for now.  I will move the bath into the bathroom once she arrives and of course the stroller and car seat will be able to come out once we start using them.

Inside of Samantha's crib we have some of the beautiful blankets made for her.  The first is the quilt my Aunt Beth made her with the matching doll and the second is one that Christina's soon to be Mother In Law made her.  Both are so beautiful!

Next to the wall decal is the wreath at the party for Samantha's upcoming arrival.  The birds are all written with words of love by family and friends who were there on Saturday.  I want to put a picture of her in the center once she gets here.

This wall is on the side of the door.  Kaitlyn has drawn so many pictures for Samantha, she was so excited when I put this one in the frame for her.  It is a rainbow with the tree and matching love birds.  The bird house is one Aunt Beth made to match.

Samantha's dresser is next to the door.  Here are some more frames to fill and bird houses that Aunt Christina painted for the party.

This was a last minute decision and is on the wall next to the closet.  She just has too much stuff and not enough room.  We filled the cubes with swaddling blankets, towels, small toys and carriers/slings.  Then, you can see our beautiful new diaper bag (thanks Jamie!), some wipes (what wouldn't fit in the closet lol), and the middle shelf is filled with the starts of what is going in the labor bag.  Which I plan on doing Friday!

Above the new cube storage unit.  Picture frames, more bird houses and another bird decal :)

The left side of the window with some wall art and her bow holder.  Now that I have a place to buy bows, I don't have to have an ounce of guilt in buying them :)

The right side with more wall art.

And finally, the closet.  It is all sorted by size.  There are a couple more pieces that need to be hung, but I didn't get enough hangers so I have to get some more this week!  Also there are 2 boppys up there, a back up bath, a back up bouncer, and a ton of diapers and wipes.  We still have a lot more and hopefully we won't have to worry about running out to buy any until February :)

And now, I'm ready for a nap!

32 weeks- 8 months down!

How far along? 32 weeks!  8 months pregnant!  And honest, I have no idea how we got here, it feels like just yesterday we were in that state of "ok, all we have to do is get to 8 weeks and see a heartbeat" and then the "now all we have to do is get to 12 weeks and have it still be there" and then "ok, lets try to get to 24 weeks without my water breaking" and every day since then has been such a blessing!

Weight gain/loss:  35 pounds

.  Strangers say I look small for how far along I am.  Sometimes with that hint of disapproval in their voice.  Which, of course irritates me.  And Kaitlyn asked last week if she could call me Fat Mommy or Big Mama since Samantha made my stomach so huge.  We had a talk about fat not being a very friendly word.  Really, I started this pregnancy out at the highest weight I've ever been pre-pregnancy (which is a good thing!) and only a couple pounds under my ideal weight for my height (and technically, I was in a normal range with a BMI of 18.8), so the doctors recommendation of 35-40 was more than adequate.  Especially considering that I'm not really supposed to be exercising or exerting myself in a way that keeps the muscle muscle.  So really, I will, more than likely, end up gaining a few more than I should, and that's ok.
Maternity Clothes?  Every day :)
Stretch Marks?  Nothing so far, knocking on wood!
Sleep?  I'm starting to get more.  Of course I'm on UTI number 4 since July, so I'm back on the medication you have to take every 6 hours and that interrupts my sleep.  And I have to get out of bed by 7 or the heartburn is so bad all day that nothing will cure it.  Last night Dusty and I set up the co-sleeper next to the bed so I can start getting used to it being there, and of course, in case she decided to come home in 4-5 weeks, it's ready for her and we don't have to do anything to get ready.  That has made it a little more difficult to get in and out of bed :)
Best moment this week?  We had an amazing celebration on Saturday that was so much fun!  I enjoyed being able to celebrate this little miracle with so many people that mean so much to us. 
Food Cravings?  Milk.  And that's it really.
Belly Button, in or out?  Out
What I miss?  Not having heartburn :)
Weekly Wisdom? No matter how slowly time seems to be going, all of a sudden that light at the end of the tunnel seems to completely and totally sneak up on you.
Upcoming Appointments?  Wednesday afternoon I have my 32 week appointment.  Next Wednesday I will have my p17 shot and the Wednesday after that will be my 34 week appointment.  I *might* start weekly OB appointments then.

Samantha's Upcoming Arrival Party

First I want to thank Christina, Samantha and my mom for all of their hard work and efforts in putting together such a beautiful celebration.  Everything was absolutely beautiful and I didn't even have to lift a finger, until I got to open a gazillion presents of course :)

Here are some of the details of the party that matched her nursery so perfectly:

The beautiful center pieces

These birds were all over the place, through the trees, branches, and placed here and there and all throughout.

One of the favors were Freesia bulbs wrapped up in tulle, so the guests could plant them and watch it grow as Samantha does.

Christina made this cute and matching diaper cake:

Christina also painted these matching bird houses, which I plan on adding to the nursery:

Samantha made these adorable and yummy cupcakes to match everything:

The candy bar, loaded with lots of yummy candy, boxes to fill with it and stickers to seal the boxes with:

In lieu of a guestbook, there was a guest wreath.  Those same birds were available for everyone to write on and place onto the wreath and now we can put it in Samamtha's room.

Everything was great, there are so many more pictures on both facebook and in our picasa albums, and being uploaded to shutterfly :)

I started in on the new baby laundry last night :)  I've finished 2 of the 3 loads and the third should be done in just a bit!  Then, I get to put it all away!!  Because of how generous everyone was, there is so little that we need to get or do before her arrival.

I am going to get a cubby thing to go in her room and some baskets to add, both for books, decorations and sorting out some of her little toys.  And some more baby hangers.  I just ordered some closet dividers from the greatest online store, ever, Etsy! which will help a lot :)  I need to pick up a diaper pail and I think that's about it.  And a baby book.  And that's it, we're ready for her.  Well, I still need to pack my hospital bag, but I'm trying to wait for Kaitlyn's custom made scrubs to get here before I do that :)  But, it will be done next week and it will be in my car at all times lol.

Her room is almost all the way ready too.  All I really need to do in there is start filling some of her picture frames.  Kaitlyn has been helping, she's been drawing pictures for me to put in the frames to keep in her room, and of course, Matthew's picture is already there.  Once we finish it up and move the co-sleeper (yes I already set it up) into our room, there should be more pictures of it up :)