10/26/06

Halloween

Well, tomorrow is Halloween. Well, maybe not October 31, but it is the grown-up's Halloween. For one evening we get to trade in our mommy and daddy costumes, complete with the reponsibility that comes with them and dress up to be someone else. We get to see our friends in sexy costumes that will leave absolutely nothing to the imagination, believe me, I've seen them, nothing is left to the imagination.

We get a night where we trade in our lives, be them interesting or boring and become someone else. Now that we are grown-ups, we get to be the naughty version of any character, trade proffessional, or animal that your mind can imagine. We get to have a night filled with tricks and treats as a whole new person. It ought to be fun.

I was thinking of this today and I ran down the things I need to do to finish the costumes Dusty and I will be wearing, we are so lucky to have the friends, family and life that we have.

And... we are getting old. Not like middle age, but darn near close to it. We have a toddler who is turning 2. We have a whole other person that we created that is smart and creative and her own person.

Life is just flying by at a pace that I cannot seem to slow down. I want to soak up every minute of every hour of every day. Maybe that's why I take so many pictures, then I can relive every event that happens, I can put it in slow motion and have it be that day and that moment all over again, even if it really isn't.

While I spend today emotionally reflected all of the time that has passed, all the time that is passing and everything that we are enjoying I will also know that tomorrow I am taking my drunken pilot to a party, surrounded by friends to have a ball.

09/15/06

The ban on skinny models.

If you've been following any of the new fashion news, you may have heard about the recent ban being imposed for fashion week. Models deemed to skinny are banned from the runway in Madrid. 4 countries are currently seeking legislation to ban what they deem to be too skinny of models from modeling.

The reason behind the move is that models are now to blame for diseases such as anorexia and bulimia. If the ban passes, models must have a BMI of at least 18 AND wear at least a size 8. Even if you are naturally skinny and have the natural ability to burn through food faster than you can eat it, you are still not welcomed to model in those countries.

There are a couple of things that amaze me about this story. The first is the blatant discrimination against people based on their size. If a ban was to be passed that plus size models can't be anything overweight because it could be a sign of an eating disorder there would be a public outcry. The second that really bothers me is that this article was introduced the same day a study came out stating that America is at the "fattest" it's ever been with there now being more obese people than ever before.

Essentially what this ban is telling me is that being overweight is ONLY caused by a medical condition and those that are should be allowed to be that way BUT those that are underweight are all anorexic and bulimic. Those writing the article are telling the world that everyone under a size 8 starves themselves or throws up to maintain their size.

Personally, I know quite a few people who have a BMI under 18.5. Mine is only 15. I've never starved myself and I've never thrown up. I honestly don't know anyone who has. However, once this ban goes into effect, the countries that enforce it will be telling the world that I, and all other skinny people, must have an eating disorder.

I work really hard to maintain and gain weight. I use appetite stimulants to increase how much I eat, I use weight gainer in an attempt to get closer to society's definition of normal and I accept the fact that unless I'm pregnant, I will not wear a size 8 anytime in the near future.

It sickens me enough to hear whispers on a regular basis regarding my weight, it disgusts me to hear rumors that have been spread about my weight, and it saddens me to know that because of people like the organizers of this event, it will be even worse.

If Fashion week is attempting to set a better example for teenage girls through their models, maybe it would be better to pass bans on drugs. Kate Moss shouldn't be used as role model to teens, but I think that has more to do with the candid pictures of her snorting cocaine up her nose. Or hey, why not pass a ban on smoking because well dressed, beautiful women are constantly photographed smoking and some young girl will probably imitate that as well.

In listening to the Armstrong and Getty show this morning (Don't bash me, I'm a huge talk radio fan, Especially Michael Savage) I listened to them totally and completely bash women who are a size 0. How unattractive they are, how no one they have ever known could be attracted to someone like that and the same old jokes about a skinny turning sideways and you losing them. Since I had Kaitlyn in the car I changed the station. Sure, she's not old enough to understand but I still don't like to have her listen to such a disgusting rant on body image regardless of which way it's slanted.

So, my point is this: Unless you've walked in the shoes of someone else, don't make assumptions about their life styles. Not all skinny people have eating disorders or drug addictions and not all fat people are lazy overeaters.

And, I guess I won't be changing careers anytime soon....

09/14/06

A Few things I noticed the last couple of days...

A few things I've noticed the past couple of days…

Yesterday, Dusty and I were driving to pick up his car to take it to another repair shop. The car was at the Ford Dealership on Florin Road. It was about 5:30, while traffic was backed up on the freeway, all of the side streets were flowing nicely.

We were at a stop light when we noticed a boy, maybe 15 taking off down the street. We had no idea where he was going so fast and could only assume that he just recently got out of school or sports because he had his backpack off and we weren't far from Luther Burbank. After a moment, we saw why he was running so fast. There was a bus stop up ahead and the bus was barely ahead of him. The bus stopped, noticed he was running and ignored him. The bus was stopped for maybe 10 seconds, as this boy got to the bus, it took off. He chased after it for a moment then gave up.

Who in the hell does this bus driver think he/she is?? How dare you do that to a child?? Yes, I know busses need to run on a schedule, but how far behind would 10 seconds put him? What was he teaching this child? That if you run as fast as you can and try to do right then life can still pass you bye without a second glance?

Sure, he was probably 15, but that is still a child? Why does society feel such a need to be disrespectful and unable to budge when it comes to the well being of a child?

I was livid. Let me tell you, that bus driver is lucky that I am not that boys mother because I would be raising so much hell right now…

Kaitlyn had a shoot in San Francisco this morning. I love San Francisco. There are things about San Francisco that I don't like and many, many reasons I would never live there though.

I will not be the slightest bit surprised when San Francisco decides to become its own state, hell, I won't be surprised when it becomes its own country and leaves the Union. In so many ways, I think it's halfway there. Look at the new laws being introduced into San Francisco: the higher minimum wage, the no handgun legislation, the social programs, the constant disregard and disrespect of laws that are in effect for the state and the country.

I can handle the anti-conservative vibe, talk and outcry in San Francisco. I can handle being considered a bigot because I am in favor of immigration, I can handle being cold hearted for my views on the sanctity of marriage, and I can even handle being a war mongrel for supporting the president and the war. I can handle those things because I know that I believe what is right for me based on my life, lifestyle and experiences. Liberals do the same. I like to think I'm not as hateful about it though.

What I cannot handle is how ugly they have allowed the city to become. San Francisco is supposed to be a landmark, a tourist attraction, a beautiful city by the sea. In reality I would be ashamed and embarrassed to take friends or family that are visiting to that city. People leave their garbage EVERYWHERE. Liter is all over the streets. Homeless people are forceful and harassing if you do not give them money. The worst though is this: How can a city allow billions after billions to be spent on gorgeous sky scraper buildings that look amazing from so far away to CONSTANTLY be enveloped in graffiti?? Seriously, why isn't something being done to prevent it, clean it, prosecute those doing it and preserving the beauty of the city? I HATE that when I am on the opposite side of the bay bridge in Emeryville I look at the city with such amazement and such an awe of respect for the incredible beauty that it is, yet when I am exiting the bay bridge in Downtown San Francisco, I am totally disgusted by the graffiti everywhere. I despise filth, I truly do.

Well, that's my rant for the day

08/07/06

This time 2 years ago, I was awaiting a new cake. In maternity clothes, with my hair up and finishing the make-up.

That's right, today, Dusty and I celebrate 2 years of Holy Matrimony.

Our wedding was perfect. Sure, things happened that sucked. For example on the way over to the location (Christy and Dennis's house) our cake fell in my grandma's car. Not just a smudge here or there that could be touched up, but crumbled into little pieces with smeared frosting all along the back window. It was ugly, but a delicious morning appetizer. Thank goodness that the Bel-Air down the street could whip something up without any notice.

I had the best bridal party a lady could ask for. My sister's were the maids of honors. They were incredibly helpful and insured that my dress fit properly. It was a size 8 (well, I was what, 3 months from delivering what would you expect) and laced all the way up the back. It was so hot. Christy was a bridesmaid as was Felecia and Daphne. Daphne was a godsend. I had originally asked someone else to be a bridesmaid, but she backed out after I had bought and paid for the unreturnable dress. It was much to big for our little Daphne. She found an amazing seamstress who performed a miracle. Jen did our hair and make-up and I was so impressed that she still does my hair to this day.

Dusty's groomsmen were pretty awesome too. He had 2 best men, Billy and his cousin Allen. For groomsmen he had Chet, Dennis and my brother Scott. They all looked so hot in their tuxes. They did a lot of heavy lifting out there in that heat!

We had an outdoor, backyard ceremony surrounded by our family and friends. It was a beach theme in pink and sage green. We had a sand aisle and the girls all went barefoot. My Aunt flew out from NY with her two gorgeous little girls who were flower girls. We used Gerber daises everywhere. The food was delicious. The toasts were funny, sweet, romantic and filled with love.

Our rehearsal dinner the night before was a lot of work. We kept the food light since who wants to eat a heavy dinner in the hot sun? Not I said the pregnant lady at the time. A couple of weeks prior, we were in a car accident. A drunk driver hit us and caused quite a scare. It also created the perfect reason for me to keep cool inside while the work outside was done. I was so happy and so impressed that nothing and no one could get to me. How could it? I was marrying the man I was most deeply in love with.

The day and the night were gorgeous. Sure, we baked a bit and going outside today I wish we would have had this weather, but you can't beat perfect. Looking back on the event, I wouldn't change a thing. It was a wonderful day filled with happy memories and those that meant the most to us were there, included in the ceremony and in the start of our new lives together. I think everyone's role in our ceremony was perfect and symbolizes so much. I'm glad that those that meant so much to us then still do.

Two years later and I would do it all over again. Dusty is a great dad, although at times I am sure Kaitlyn would call him irritating, but she also loves him so much and that is such an amazing thing to be witness too. We have settled into our lives as a family and couldn't be any happier.

Has part of my flashback, I thought I might share some pictures of that happy day! These are the ones I already had on my computer. I really should scan some more though. Why we don't have digital I don't know.

06/27/06

Revenge is Sweet

Over the past few months I have come to terms with the fact that there is true evil in the world. There are people who will make any and every attempt to tear down anyone they believe might have something positive going just because they don't have it in their life.

I am not exactly a religious person. I do not know what I believe in regards to god and the role he/she does/doesn't play in our lives. Sometimes I think that if I were to accept religion I may be able to deal with evil people much better. Then I could say, "It's god's plan" or "God will judge them therefore I do not need to" However, I don't feel comfortable thinking that way since I do not know if I necessarily believe that.

I recently took one of those myspace surveys. "what religion are you" and was surprised by some of the questions. One of the questions has sat on my mind ever since. The question basically asked "Do you believe that people are evil?" followed by "Do you believe that people do evil things out of weakness?" I have to say, I believe both.

From experience I know that there are evil people in this world. People that I wouldn't trust to not step on a puppy dog if it was in the way of what they wanted. At the same time I believe that some of the things evil people do is out of weakness.

Revenge is sweet. I LOVE and live for revenge. I think revenge is one of the greatest gifts we have. We have this power to turn on those that have hurt us and hurt them back in rage and hostility. That doesn't mean revenge is a good thing. Revenge gives you such a euphoric high, a feeling of satisfaction and that feeling that you are the victor.

Well, I'm a mom now. I love my little girl and would never do anything to cause her to think less of me. I constantly find myself thinking "would I want Kaitlyn to do this" before I act. So, Revenge is something that I try not to practice. Revenge is the weak way out. It is far harder to sit back and ignore the evil bitterness of others and to not respond to their childish antics.

Life isn't always easy. Sometimes you face really hard choices. At the end of the day, I am really proud of myself for I took the road far less traveled. I am riding along on the rocky trail so Kaitlyn doesn't have to fight this battle when she's older. Sure revenge would be awesome, and giving in and playing nice would be easier, but I'm not that easily broken. I may be evil, but I'm not weak.

Anywho, a quick update! Thanks everyone for the birthday wishes. I am now officially 24 and 3 days old. I don't feel a day over 30 though. Kaitlyn is doing awesome. She is always suprising me! Dusty is doing pretty good. He joined a second softball team and really seems to enjoy it which is nice. We go out and cheer him on whenever we can!

Hugs and Kisses!

05/31/06

We just got an e-mail from the director of "Fear of Flight" with a thank you and some comments about Kaitlyn I thought I would share:

"Kaitlyn and the Miller family. What a precious little gem you have for
a daughter. She is already quite an actress....totally gave me what I
needed...when I needed. Amazing...it was like she was reading my mind. :~)"

And another from one of the actresses:

" I HAVE BEEN ON LOTS OF SHOOTS, BUT NONE WITH SUCH AN ENTIRELY INCREDIBLY NICE GROUP OF PEOPLE AND ALL SO TALENTED TOO!! I THOUGHT SAM, COURTNEY, THE BABY--EVERYONE ELSE WERE AMAZING.! MUCH, MUCH TALENT THERE. "

We're proud parents, can you tell?

It looks as though the film will debut at the Sacramento International Film Festival in August. As I get more details, I'll gladly share so anyone interested in seeing Kaitlyn on the big screen at The Crest Theater is able to!

I am feverishly working on Kaitlyn's pageant swim suit and nearly finished. I must say that I am pretty proud of it. As soon as Kaitlyn wakes from her nap, I'll put her in it for a couple of pictures to share!

05/29/06

5/29/06

Kaitlyn's Debut as a Movie Star!!

Kaitlyn made her film debut this morning! She played 3 characters in a short independent film called "Fear of Flight"

The first two roles were both of homeless babies. She played the mirror image of herself in a daydream scene, and a homeless baby of a woman begging for change.

Kaitlyn was made to look dirty with a bit of Hershey's baking coco powder. This is the closest thing to chocolate Kaitlyn has ever had.

Everyone was really impressed with Kaitlyn. She let her "homeless mom" hold her and helped her get money by being really pitiful looking. She stared right into the other character's eyes and did a huge pouty lip. She did the same as the mirror image. Each scene required about 10 takes and she did amazing through each one. Not once did she reach out for Dusty or I or did she fuss. Everyone kept saying she was a director's dream. I overheard her the director saying that "I took one look at her head shot and had to cast her."

The next was the younger sibling of the main character. By this time she was upset and fussed. However, it was ok because the scene benefited from it. She worked her 4 hours and left with a standing ovation about what a natural she was.

Dusty and I were so incredibly proud.