A sad, sad kitty update...

When we left yesterday, I had set the trap up in the garage, unable to find the cat that had been tormenting the dogs all day.  I kicked the dogs out of the garage, had some water out, put fresh food in and around the trap and turned out all the lights so the cat would feel more comfortable.

We didn't get up until after 1 AM (darn those Giants blew it in the 9th!) and we were all pretty tired.  We put Kaitlyn to bed and then went to the garage where we fell in love with the cutest little kitten we had ever seen.  This ferocious monster that had been tormenting our dogs was no bigger than a roll of toilet paper.  It was super fluffy, orange with a few scattered white stripes, soft (looking) white paws and pure bright green eyes.  It was so flippin' adorable I think even Dusty wanted to try and keep it.

But, the cat was really scared.  And I don't blame it, the poor thing got stuck in our garage, barked at by hours on end, had to slap a pitbull chihuahua in the face and then was stuck in a cage in an unfamiliar area and then subjected to it's first interaction with humans.  The only upside was probably the very full meal it had to enjoy.

We talked over what to do.  Dusty did not feel comfortable releasing a kitten so young into the fields to fend for itself.  I completely agreed.  That just would not be fair to it.  He said he had seen the mom a couple of times down the street and we debated back and forth on what to do with it.  I was adamant that we release it back into the front yard to find it's family.  I pushed and pushed that there was no way that kitten would ever return to our house, it would be terrified.  Dusty hesitantly agreed.  He figured it could find it's mom and if it grew up to be a nuisance, we would catch it again, problem solved. 

By now it was 1:30 in the morning.  I was tired, Dusty was tired, my back hurt from the bleacher seats, and on the way to San Francisco I started having awful symptoms of yet another UTI.  I was ready for bed.  Dusty had taken the trap to the front yard and opened it, but the cat would not get out.  I helped him/her along by lifting the back of it so it would be forced to run towards the free end and realize that it was open and it could run.  As soon as that kitty saw freedom, it darted off into the darkness.  Dusty thinks it went under my car before going down into this little hiding place the cats like to go to between our yard and the neighbors.

We went to bed and woke a few hours later, him to go to work and me to get Kaitlyn ready for school.  She was ready to go and off we went.

I opened the front door and my heart stopped.  I tried to distract Kaitlyn and get her in the car without looking into the street.  She was so upset with us that we didn't keep the cute kitty in the cage through the night so she could see it this morning.  But, I didn't want her to see it like this.  While I was able to get her into the car without seeing it, once she was in the car, she did and she cried out "mommy, someone ran over that tiny little kitten!" and the tears started to well up.

I figured, I would get her in the car and see if the cat was maybe just sleeping in the road, or maybe it was still alive and I could take it to the vet.  A truck came barreling down the street and the center of the truck went over the lifeless body of the kitten we tried to give a second chance to.  I was now close enough to see the blood and realize that it was no more.

I took Kaitlyn to school and called Dusty.  He hadn't seen it when he left, but he was in a hurry and his car would have blocked his vision.  He worried that he hit it, but in his car, with those tires you feel every little pebble you hit, so it was unlikely.  I asked him what to do and he said to leave it, do not touch it.

I came home and saw yet another car go over the body of the green eyed fluffy cat that had caused such commotion yesterday and I couldn't just leave it there.  I put on gloves, grabbed an old towel and a box and a plastic bag.  You couldn't see the pretty green eyes anymore, they were covered in blood, some was already dried on it's tiny, soft little nose and I couldn't bare to look at it anymore.  I covered it with the towel, gently picked it up and placed it in it's box.  I put the box in a plastic bag and tied it tight so nothing would get to it.  And then I placed it into the empty garbage can, and felt so heartless for disposing of it's tiny little body into something as impersonal as a garbage can.  But, what else can I do?

I know that the cat didn't get ran over because of anything we did.  I know that if we would have kept it in the trap and released it in the field, with how young it is, separated from it's "pack" it's odds of survival would have been really low.  I know that taking it to the pound or SPCA would have resulted in it most likely being euthanized (their policy for stray/feral cats) no matter how cute it was, I know that releasing it in the daylight would have maybe only lengthened it's life for a couple of days or maybe hours.  But, it still makes me incredibly sad that something so young had to die so soon.  It didn't ask to be born, it didn't ask to be wild, and it didn't know any different kind of life.

Because the feral cat problem is so bad in our area, we see several dead cats in the road on a daily basis.  It is part of what the problem is.  Then, their bodies attract other wild, diseased animals and the cycle continues.  While I know that we are not the ones to blame, I do know that this is a huge reason why it is important to spay and neuter your pets, to keep them inside and to take proper care of them.  You are not doing them or anyone else any favors by letting them roam free.  There is not a single reason I can think of to not spay or neuter your pet.  Other than just laziness or selfishness. 

So, good-bye little kitty.  I do hope you enjoyed your last meal of tuna flavored cat food and I hope that you are in a better place.

And the plot thickens...

I was just commenting this morning that we don't really see a lot of cats anymore.  I was in no way complaining, really that was our goal.  To have cats out of our yard and away from our pets and family.  I was so happy to see that we were getting close to being cat free.

Today, the dogs have been driving me UP THE WALL.  Seriously, they would not stop barking, non-stop, this ferocious bark.  I went in the garage a few times to check on them, but couldn't find anything.

Dusty was home a couple hours ago to get his stuff ready for the game (did I mention, we get to go and see the Giants tonight, thanks Dennis!) and Iw as in the garage folding laundry when I heard a meow.  In the same direction Chico had been barking.

I RAN in the house to find Dusty and told him, Dusty, there is a cat in the garage.  I couldn't really prove it, but he had me bring the dogs inside and we investigated.  We tore apart the garage and just couldn't find anything.  Dusty brought out Chico (he's a better hunter than Archie) and he went straight to that same corner, sniffing like crazy and his tail was straight as can be.  But, neither of the dogs were barking.  We gave up, figured the dogs were barking at their shadow and moved on.

I took Dusty back to work, came home and was eating lunch when again, they were going crazy.  My head had enough so I went to the garage door and threw it open to yell at them.  They didn't even notice I went in the garage, they were just going crazy!  Then, I saw it.  A cat slapped Chico in the face.  I panicked.  I took the dogs in the house and called Dusty.  I'm sure he appreciated a panicked phone call from his wife who was out of breath, 29 weeks pregnant, had complained of cramping earlier and has a history of preterm labor ;)  all to tell him that there was a cat in the garage!

He calmed me down and we had a plan.  I was going to seal off the doggie door that leads from the garage to the backyard and I kicked the dogs out.  I tore apart that section, carefully to try and find the cat, who I now felt bad for.  I moved the boxes I believed it was hiding behind, skittish the entire time (I was so scared of getting scratched!) and looked and looked.  I couldn't find it, but I could hear it.  And obviously, I now know it's there.

So, I set up the trap in the garage with fresh food and the dogs are kicked out for tonight.  Thank goodness it's a mild day.  I think they are trying to get revenge on us, they are infiltrating!  :P

29 weeks- Eek!!!

How far along? 29 weeks!!  We're almost there, if we make it to 40 weeks, we have less than 11, if we make it to our goal of 36 weeks, we only have 7 left!  Less than 2 months!

Weight gain/loss: 31 lbs.  My OB said it looked good though, and he is the boss :P

Maternity Clothes?  In the picture above, the pants and tank are maternity and the button up is not, it's just a large that will not button over the belly.  I have several maternity shirts that my belly tries to sneak out of the bottom of.  Darn this long torso :)
Stretch Marks?  Not a one.
Sleep?  I'm only getting up twice a night and usually sleeping pretty ok inbetween.  Last night was an exception...
Best moment this week?  I passed the GD 3 hour test after miserably failing the 1 hour!  Woo-Hoo!!  On Saturday, there was a little baby foot about an inch or two above my belly button and far to my left.  It was lodged in there, to the point where I physically could not bend over.  It was uncomfortable and absolutely amazing.
Food Cravings?  Sweets mostly.
Belly Button, in or out?  Out
What I miss?  Bending at the waist.
Weekly Wisdom? Don't waste your time, energy or breath on those that seriously don't care and don't matter.
Upcoming Appointments?  Wednesday I have both my u/s and my p17 shot :)  I think I am also getting my whooping cough vaccine and perhaps a flu shot?


Don't forget the give-away!

Tying up loose ends

It's funny, with Matthew and with Samantha I hit my weekly milestones on Mondays.  Tomorrow I will hit 29 weeks.  By this time with Matthew I had already gone over 5 weeks with little to no fluid surrounding him and confined to a hospital bed being waited on.  I will be 4 weeks away from how far along I was when I delivered Matthew.  I already know Samantha will have the opportunity for a stronger start than he had.  She will have had all this time with fluid surrounding her, helping her grow and learn to breath, expanding her lungs and helping her mature.  That is a lot to a little one.

All I have to do is keep that water intact for 6 more weeks.  That would get me to my reunion, Samantha's (the sister, not the baby :P) wedding and to 35 weeks.  At 35 weeks, baby girls have a really good chance of going home with mom if they are born.  That's what we want.  We don't want to subject her to the NICU, we want to take her home.  With us.  6 weeks and we're there.

And that isn't too far off.  I'm determined to have everything ready by then.  And for the most part, we do.  We have everything we could possibly need to bring her home today.  She has more clothes than she'll be able to wear in a month, all washed in gentle baby detergent and hanging up or folded in a drawer by size.  She has a beautiful nursery that her big sister is so excited to read to her every night in and a co-sleeper for her to sleep next to us in every night.  I have found a photographer to do maternity shots of our family, one who is willing to help us incorporate her big brother into the pictures in addition to her big sister.  We will be doing them either at 32 or 33 weeks, depending on when we can get the perfect time :)

And because I know having a 1st grader and a newborn at home will not be a walk in the park, I've finished most of the planning for Kaitlyn's party.  I have my "idea list" and my "to-do" list.  I have my shopping list, complete with costs and links to where I'm ordering what from.  I have my diagram ready to set up for the party, I have the invite list, invitations made and waiting for a picture of Kaitlyn to complete it.  I have envelopes addressed and waiting to be sent (unless you don't think 12 weeks before the party is too early to send them :P).

I have plans started for Dusty's 30th surprise party and hope to finalize a lot of them this week.  And of course, I have my Christmas shopping list made so I can keep my eye out for things now.  If Christmas wrapping paper was already out, I would probably buy it now just so I can wrap as I go if I find anything early :)

Kaitlyn has picked out her Halloween costume.  I had planned on ordering it, but she is really close in the size charts and I don't want to get too big or too small, so as soon as those Halloween stores open up, we're there :) 

I've been determined to go to start the day and go to bed every night with a clean house, all the laundry washed and put away and dishes done.  Just in case.  I have most of my doctor's appointments for the rest of the pregnancy scheduled, and I have the greatest family to help us :)

Another Cat, Another Day

Friday night, Dusty set out the trap, again next to where he had just seen the all black cat.  The one that just seems to live it's life to torment him.  Saturday morning, the cage was empty.  Dusty had put tiny amounts of food around the cage, leading to it and on top of it.  All of the food had been eaten.  That darn cat.

This morning, we woke up to an all black cat in the cage.  Dusty is not convinced it is the same black cat.  Time will tell I suppose.  So far, we have captured and released 5 cats.  At least 4 of them are ones we have never seen before.  But, on the upside, we are seeing fewer and fewer cats around our house.  The dogs are barking less (they aren't fans of the cats :P) and we have less cat poo in our yard.

If nothing else, we hope the cats are just learning to stay out of our yard :P

*** An Update***

Dusty released the cat and it was really mad!  He says he's pretty darn sure that it is his white whale!  Yay!!  We know that this cat has had several of the liters, so hopefully this will help solve the problem :)

Our Little Girl is Growing up

As though her head being taller than my waist, the wisdom she possesses beyond her years, her strong desire to be independent, her ability to make her own toast with butter, her strong reading skills and the fact that she is now a big first grader, only a couple months away from turning 6, our princess lost her first tooth.

Post #300!!!! Time for a Giveaway!

This is my 300th post :)  My 300th opportunity to share our lives with both our closest friends, family and strangers all over the world.

To celebrate, I'm going to start a giveaway today, the winner gets to pick between a wonderful $15 gift card to one of my favorite summer places, Jamba Juice :)  Or a personalized, custom digital card, be it an invitation, birth announcement, Christmas card or whatever you'd like :)  You get the digital image in 5x7 to print where you'd like.  I might put some examples up on the blog this weekend :)

It's easy to get unlimited entries:

1. Start/Continue following this blog and leave a comment to this post that you are doing so :)

2. Link back to this blog either on your blog or facebook and leave another comment here showing your link

3. Post your questions to be answered on a future blog

Winner will be chosen randomly on Friday, September 3!

Our Cat And Pregnancy Update

Yesterday morning, we caught another cat...  When I first peeked out, all I saw was big and black, I thought for sure it was going to be Dusty's lucky day.  When I got closer, I realized it wasn't.  It was another black and white cat.  But, this one is not a kitten, this is one of the ones that I believe is second generation (I think there are 3!) and procreating out there making babies.  So, all is well. 

This cat was a lot less timid when we picked up the cage and when we released it, it ran in the opposite direction that the little ones had.  Dusty forgot to bring home the trap yesterday so obviously, we didn't catch any last night :)

As my last OB appointment update showed, I had to take my 1 hour glucose diabetes test.  I have always failed this darned test.  The maximum you can get is 134, I usually get in the 140s, so it's not like I'm failing by a lot.  Only once have I failed my 3 hour test, and with that we did some diet modification and my blood sugars through the day were fine, so that was that.

This time was different.  I asked how much I had failed it by, thinking if it were consistent with my previous results, I could just skip the 3 hour test.  She said a lot.  I asked exactly how much, she said I didn't want to know.  Now, I was irritated, I wanted to know, or I never would have asked.  She said it was well over 200.  She was right, I did not want to know that.  I wanted to live in oblivion and believe that this time would be like the other times.

Since I hadn't had breakfast yet and my plans that morning were not too important, I opted to go ahead and do it right then.  You have to fast for 12 hours, have your blood drawn, drink the nasty drink (that wasn't even cold this time) and then have your blood drawn every hour for 3 hours.  By the time you're done you are hungry, your tummy is growling like a crazy monster, you're dizzy and just plain tired.  I was eager to have lunch!!

The phlebotomist said I should have my results back no later than Monday, so this weekend will probably be my last bit of sugar fun.

OB appt

Today I had my 28 week appointment.  We're getting so close!  As of right now, I only have to get the p17 shot 8 more times and I'm done with it!!  And, I only have 9 more OB appointments (at most!) to go, if I go to my due date!

My weight was up, which I expected.  My doctor's comment was "I'm so glad to see how high your weight is!" which is a great comment lol.  This week I've felt like I've had the second popping of my tummy.  Even my weekly shot nurse made a comment on how much it's sticking out.  But, I'm measuring right on track!  My blood pressure was 100/70, which was great.  Especially considering that while she was taking my blood pressure, Kaitlyn was "tap" dancing as loud as she could after I asked her to stop half a dozen times :P

In addition to my p17 shot, I also got my rhogam shot.  While the p17 shot hurts more going in, and takes such a long time for the oily substance to my injected, but the rhogam hurts a heck of a lot more when the needle is inserted.  Ouch!!

Samantha's heartbeat was great and easy to find.  At my next appointment I get to have the whooping cough vaccine, joy lol!

After my appointment I got to go to the lab and have my antibody screening done as well as my gestational diabetes test.  It was hours ago and I still feel sick from that syrupy glucose drink.  YUCK.  Hopefully we'll get good news back :)


I'm just a couple posts away from my 300th post and I want to do a giveaway to celebrate it!  For a prize, would you rather see a Jamba Juice gift card (because who doesn't love Jamba Juice?) or a digital file of a custom card/invite/announcement?

Well, last night proved to be a tie in the land of Feral Cats

There is one cat in particular that has proven to be Dusty's arch nemesis.  It is a black cat and it was born in May (we believe), it has a sibling that is black and white.  The black and white one is more timid than this black one.  While the black and white one spends a lot of time under the bushes in the front yard, this black cat is more brave.  It likes to sleep on our garbage cans, under the truck, and on top of Dusty's car.  The day after we brought it home, freshly painted, it slid down the windshield and down the hood.  Being a feral little booger, it's nails obviously weren't clipped and the paint job was ruined with tiny little claw scratches.  This same cat sits outside the garage door (we leave the door cracked so the garage has air for when the dogs are in there avoiding the sun) and just sit there so Archie and Chico bark at it like crazy.  This cat is not scared of sprinklers and runs through them, when I spray it with a hose, it doesn't react.  To Dusty, this black cat is his white whale.

We hadn't seen the cat in a couple days, and it had obviously not fallen for our trick of food in the trap.  But last night, it reappeared it's mangy little tail to taunt us.  Dusty set up the trap in a new location, next to where it sleeps and covered it up so it looked like a cozy little den.  A few minutes later, we heard the trap go off.  Dusty ran out there giddy as a school boy to see his prize.  It wasn't the black cat.  So, at 9:45 last night, he went and dropped that cat off in the field in hopes of setting up the trap again to catch this black cat.  Who was out there watching him. 

To help lure the cat into the trap he got several plastic spoons.  He put wet cat food on all of them and did a trail to the trap.  The last spoon rested just inside, so once you tasted it you could go in just a bit further to get more and be trapped for good.  This morning we ran out to see if we had anything.

All we could find were empty spoons.  Even the one partially inside the trap.  Dusty was so disappointed.

I put the trap away for the day, it's supposed to be 105 and I don't think a cat would do well sitting in that heat until we got home to release it and I would break down and cry if I came home and a cat was dead because we hadn't released it in time.  I don't need that guilt.

But tonight, the hunt is on....

Little Miss Kaitlyn

At the end of July, I took Kaitlyn to have her pictures taken.  It was supposed to be her last pictures with tonsils, adenoids and front baby teeth.  I thought for sure they would remove them at her dentist appointment!  Instead the pictures became her last pictures with tonsils and adenoids with her front bottom baby teeth scheduled to be extracted in just a few weeks :)

Day 2 of Feral Cats...

I swear, I think the guilt of separating the cats really got to me last night.  I woke up, as usual, at 1:30 AM needing to use the restroom.  Right before that I had a terrible nightmare that I had to hold Chico while evil villains euthanized him in my arms.  Not a fun way to wake up.

When I woke up, I took a peek out of our window, where I could see the cat trap and the image broke my heart.  We had trapped another cat.  And it was not happy, it was scared, it didn't want to be there (and I couldn't blame it) but that wasn't what bothered me as much.  It's brother/sister/friend was right next to the cage.  They were touching noses.  It was almost like the free cat was scared to leave the trapped cat alone.  I forced the image out of my head, turned on Cheer's to distract me and went back to sleep.

I got up at 6:30 to take my shower before I woke up Kaitlyn to get ready for school.  I had to wake up Dusty to see what I saw out the window.  The black cat was still trapped, and the white and black cat was still at it's side.  It saw me peeking at it out the window and glared at me.  Which broke my heart.  I kept thinking and telling Dusty we cannot separate them.  We just cannot do it.  They will be too sad, they will never make it.  We contemplated letting this cat go, getting another trap and trying to catch them at the same time.  I was ready to let it go, and then something happened...

The white cat went to the side of the trap where we had put the tuna flavored wet cat food and tried to put it's nose in the cage.  And another feral cat emerged from the side of the house to do the same.  It wasn't there to comfort the trapped kitty at all, it wanted more food!!  At least that is how I'm going to rationalize it in my head so I can sleep at night ;)

This morning, we brought it to the field and Dusty showed me the 9 kittens that live in the field with their parents.  They just stared at us, like "how dare you bring in this intruder!" as we released the cat.  It took off as soon as we let go.  Hopefully it will find a new safe home to live out the rest of it's days.

Hurt Feelings

One of the things we think is wrong with society today is the "me, me, me" attitude that everyone has.  I think it causes the sense of entitlement that our country now finds to be the norm and it causes us to lack the empathy that our nation once had.  It is really important to us that our children not suffer the same fate and that we instill in them from birth that the sun does not shine on them alone and while we find them absolutely special and amazing and a blessing from God, the world does not revolve around them.  They will not always get what they want and there are times when it is far more important to help others than to help ourselves.  One of the ways we've tried to teach that is to have Kaitlyn put herself in the shoes of another.  Think about how it would feel like if the role was reversed and stuff like that.  The upside is that she is a very empathetic kid.  The downside is that at 5 1/2 she does take things personally.

Matthew's balloon release was earlier this month.  To Kaitlyn, this is more than just a balloon release and to be honest it is for us too.  It is a time to celebrate Matthew's birthday.  Until the end of time, Matthew will always be Kaitlyn's little brother.  She remembers him everyday, she remembers times they spent together, the songs she would sing him, holding him, hugging him, kissing him, sharing with him, reading to him and his time both at the hospital and at home.  He is very much a part of her life and I wouldn't want it any other way. 

Kaitlyn loves birthdays.  She thinks they are just the bees knees.  She likes that every year we have a birthday party for Matthew.  She helps a lot with picking out decorations, balloons, spends time writing her birthday wishes out for him and makes him a card.  It is a very important event to her.  The only close second is March for Babies and her own birthday.  She gets so excited to know that her family and friends are there with her to celebrate her brother and really looks forward to it.

She was very disappointed and hurt when some family members didn't make it.  She kept asking why and to be honest I didn't have an answer.  She knew that there were those who really wanted to be there, but couldn't because of obligations at work or illnesses that prevented them from going and she truly understood that.  She understood that there are circumstances that prevent people from going places, and understands that since they are there for just about everything else, it doesn't change everything.  It's those that aren't.  Those that show inconsistency that really bothered her.  In Kaitlyn's mind not showing equals not caring.  And while I can completely understand that train of thought, that theory and agree with it, we both care too much about Kaitlyn to allow her to believe that family doesn't care.  That just isn't right and it isn't fair to her.  She is young and should still believe that there is an infinite amount of good in the world and family is always there for each other.  We had her pretty well convinced and feeling much better about it all.

Since then we've seen them at other birthday parties and Kaitlyn's heart broke.  She said that it just proved that we were wrong and she was right, they don't care.  No amount of us convincing her otherwise could change her mind, so we dropped the subject with her and hoped she would just forget about it.  And we thought she had until this morning.  She asked again, 3 weeks later, why they would go to other people's birthdays and not her brothers.

The more we talked it out, the more I understood where she was coming from.  She wasn't questioning their love for Matthew, more like she was questioning their love for us, his family.  She wanted to know why it was important to them for us to go to all of their birthday parties and events and not important to them to go to things that were important to us.  And this led to a conversation that could not be held in 5 or 6 year old language, but rather in the cruel language of adults.  And she understood.  She doesn't doubt their love, she just finds it unfair and selfish.

An important lesson to her emerged through our talk.  What matters is not who isn't there.  Obviously those people are not the ones of great importance in our lives and we shouldn't hold them higher than what they truly are.  But those that are consistently there for us are those that we should make a priority in our lives.  Those are the people that we should make sure to always be there for and to always show gratitude for their kindness and support.

In Kaitlyn's words "it doesn't mean we ever stop loving them, they are family, but sometimes some people are more important and care more than others and we should be really, really happy to have them." 

And I couldn't have said it better myself.

Feral cats- 0, Us- 1

It hasn't been much of a secret, but in the year and a half plus that we've lived here, we've had a feral cat problem.  It didn't really bother us until they started having kittens in our backyard and they were dying.  Several liters in not as many months later, we're up to dozens of wild, feral, disease ridden cats congregating in our yard.

In an attempt to having the situation solved it has become a finger pointing problem.  We know that the neighbor about 3 houses down is largely responsible for how they are able to be strong enough to have several liters and live for so long.  You see, she is allergic to cats, but they have 5.  So, she decided to have her 5 cats be outside cats and keep their food on their front porch.  Sounds great, right?  Except she gets irritated that wild cats are eating her cats food.  Um, I guess they can't read the sign that says 'Private food only' and just decide to go for it.

We want them gone.  Which gives us few options.  If we take them to the SPCA we have to pay to have them spay/neutered, ears tipped and then release them back where we got them from.  They are still feral cats, they just can't reproduce and I guess eventually they become a traffic hazard or we clean up dead cats out of our yard.  The price for this varies between $15 and $45 depending on which county we go to.  There is a limit of 2 per household per month.  When you have at minimum a dozen cats to do this too, that leaves a lot of time for them to continue to procreate and we would be looking at a minimum of $180 - $540!  Not to sound selfish, but do you know how many baby beanies I could buy off of etsy for that???

If you just drop them off after hours, you can be fined.  If you take them to the pound, they will be euthanized.  While I despise them and sincerely find them to be a huge health threat, I don't want to kill them. 

Behind Dusty's work is a large field.  At the field there are already several feral cats (other warehouses leave food out) lots of mice and lots of jack rabbits.  We decided that we would catch and relocate them to this field so that they can be free and live with other cats, eat mice and live life however.  Sounds great, right?

Last night we picked up our first trap.  Within hours, we captured one.  This morning Dusty and I took it to work to release it.  The poor cat was so scared :(  Dusty freed it and it took off.  But, it didn't know where to go.  I went inside and Dusty saw it eventually at one of the buildings.  He tried to help it so that it would go to the field where he had just spotted a cat with several kittens.  Instead the cat got scared and jumped hard into the glass.  It's nose began bleeding :(  That broke my heart.  Now, I'm desperate to cash another one quickly so it isn't alone :(

I feel sad for the cats, I truly do.  They didn't ask to be feral.  They didn't ask to be born.  I blame those who are too irresponsible to spay and neuter their pets and who think they are doing the world a favor by leaving food outside for wild animals and pets.  But, I value our families health above it all.

28 weeks - 7 months!

How far along? 28 weeks and I'm going to try so hard to keep up with the belly shots.  So, you have the opportunity to see my bare white belly, pre-stretchmarks!

Weight gain/loss: 29 pounds.  So much for one per week :P

  But in my defense, my uterus is measuring a week ahead :P

Maternity Clothes?  I've actually outgrown some of them.
Stretch Marks?  Nope,  At least not any that I can see.
Sleep?  I'm starting to get more of it.
Best moment this week?  We got a couple of great 3D ultrasound pictures last week that I'm thrilled to have.
Food Cravings?  Honestly, nothing really sounds all that good lately.
Belly Button, in or out?  Out
What I miss?  Bending down lol
Weekly Wisdom? Know your limits and don't hesitate to enforce them!
Upcoming Appointments?  We are now to bi-weekly appointments!  On Wednesday afternoon I have an OB appt, completely with p17, rhogam and my GD test.  Yay :P

Kaitlyn's First Day of School

Even though school started last Thursday, Kaitlyn enjoyed her first day of school today!

She was so excited and yesterday we went shopping for her to pick out the perfect backpack, lunchbox and outfit to add to her already too big wardrobe.  After all the stores she insisted that instead of getting a matching backpack/lunchbox set like we had talked about, she had to have a scooby doo lunchbox.  There were not any matching backpacks so she had to get a pink and blue paul frank one with rainbows and hearts.

Kaitlyn found her perfect outfit and "mood" nail polish at Justice and the last step to the puzzle was her deciding she could go without me staying with her.  She decided she couldn't, but we just needed to work on it.

This morning she got up, showered, sat down with some chocolate milk and insisted on a donut.  She took her medicine, we got her nails painted and she got dressed.  After some pictures in the front of the house, it was time to go.  We walked to the office like I was instructed to by the secretary when I called yesterday and she walked us to the classroom.  She stopped to introduce Kaitlyn to other teachers we passed by them and then we found Mrs. Ragone.  Kaitlyn had her last year for reading, so they were familiar with each other.  Kaitlyn still wasn't ready for me to let go and face that I wasn't staying, but her teacher was awesome and took over!  She excitedly took Kaitlyn by the hand, told her how glad she was to have her in the class and since the rest of the class was lined up and ready to go into the classroom, she asked them who knew Kaitlyn from last year.  There were 3 friends from last year in her class again this year.  They were so excited to see her!  So, Mrs. Ragone took Kaitlyn by the hand, helped her line up inbetween two of the girls and it was time to go inside.

As they got to the door, Mrs. Ragone told Kaitlyn to say good-bye to mom and in they went!  I get to pick her up at 3:05 and hear all about her day :)

27 week ultrasound

As you can see from above, I had my long awaited ultra sound this afternoon and all went well.

Samantha is measuring perfect for her gestational age.  If she keeps this up, we can just stick to the baby aspirin and not have to worry about daily heparin shots!  That would obviously be great news.

She is also in the head down position.  As long as she doesn't decide to turn again before delivery, we will only have a cesarean section if we wanted one.  I know I don't want one lol.  That was miserable and if I can do anything to avoid it, I will!

My cervix is measuring 3.5 cm.  If you measure over 3 at this point, the odds of preterm labor drop to under 2%.  Which is great, so it turns out I do not have an incompetent cervix.  This is also my last cervical check until close to delivery.  After 28 weeks your cervix should start to shorten in preparation for delivery so checks are no longer useful.

While my odds of preterm labor have dropped significantly, they cannot predict whether or not my water will break prematurity.  However, they do believe that if I continue with what I'm doing (p17 shots weekly, resting, plenty of water...) I should be able to get full term!

I have my p17 shot tomorrow and then next week I get to have an OB appt, my rhogam shot and p17 shot in addition to my gestational diabetes test.  It should be a fun day.

I think Kaitlyn is finally making progress...

Every night since Monday the 9th, Kaitlyn has woken up at least once during the night (typically between 2:30 and 3:30) crying in pain.  She would have a really hard time swallowing, have drool all over her and just be in pain.  Last night, she didn't wake up at all!  Huge step!!  Hopefully she will continue to have less pain and start to feel more comfortable.

Yesterday, my goal was to get her to eat.  I know that her throat hurts and feels like it's burning, but the only way to get stronger is to eat and get through that pain.  I try to think of it like have a cesarean.  It hurts to get up and go to the bathroom.  It hurts to sit up, it hurts to move, to get out of bed, to take steps, it just plain hurts to move.  But, the sooner you start moving, the better and faster you heal.  In the course of 4 hours I got her to eat some.  She ate 1 1/2 pancake puff (pour pancake mix in the sandwich maker for 5 minutes and you have yummy finger foods to dip into syrup) and a small bowl of mashed potatoes and gravy.  The problem is she hasn't felt like eating.  She hasn't been hungry.  In my opinion, that has a lot to do with going over a week surviving on a few bites of food a day.  We need to get her digestive system back on track to get her appetite back up.  For dinner, she asked for a meatball sandwich from subway, and did end up eating a good 3/4 of the meatballs from half of it.  And then it happened.  About an hour later, she started to feel hungry!  YAY!

So, our goal now is to get her better.  As of tomorrow she will have missed the first week of school.  We really want to get her started either Friday or Monday.  So, tomorrow is our dry run.  She is going to be woken up at 7 and has to eat breakfast, get showered and dressed and be ready to get out the door by 8.  She has to be able to go from 8 - 3 without pain medicine or complaining of pain, and has to be able to eat breakfast and lunch easily.  Even though she normally eats a hot lunch, I will probably pack her lunch so it's all soft food that she likes to encourage her to eat it :)

Hopefully today is a good day!

27 Weeks- Hello 3rd Trimester!!

How far along? 27 weeks!!  And that's right, a belly shot this week!  Although, to me, in person, it looks more basketballish than it does in this picture lol.

Weight gain/loss: 27 pounds.  One per week :P

Maternity Clothes?  Yes, if I try to wear the larger sized tanks I had bought at the beginning of pregnancy, my stomach pokes out through the bottom.
Stretch Marks?  Nope,  At least not any that I can see.
Sleep?  This week I have barely slept.  Kaitlyn's recovering from surgery, so she is up at 11, then 3 and then 7 all for an hour or more.
Best moment this week?  I had a great OB appt!
Food Cravings?  Sweet Tea.  Of course, that got taken away on Monday because of the UTI, so I have to make due with decaf and it might be my mind playing tricks on me, but it just isn't the same.
Belly Button, in or out?  The top part is sticking out, the bottom is now flush.  Of course, in tops and some dresses, you can see my belly button sticking out.
What I miss?  This week, I miss sleep!
Weekly Wisdom? Time passes in the blink of an eye! 
Upcoming Appointments?  I have my p17 shot on Thursday, I have an u/s on Wednesday where we are really hoping to get some good 3D shots.  If I don't, then I am going to go ahead and make an appointment at a fun place for sometime in the next couple of weeks to get some good ones of her.  Starting next week, I see the OB every 2 weeks!

Hello last day of of the 2nd Trimester!

That's right, today is 26 weeks and 6 days and tomorrow I will be 27 weeks and enter the third trimester.

Which got my mind going and thinking, a month after next we could realistically be holding a healthy little newborn baby girl in our arms.  Holy Moly, if that's true, then this year is nearly over.  If this year is nearly over, then that means that Kaitlyn's birthday and Christmas are literally right around the corner.

So, I responded how any reasonable human being would.  I started on birth announcements, Christmas Cards and Kaitlyn's birthday invites.  I might even address all the envelopes next week.  Maybe even stamp them?  Are stamp prices going up anytime soon?  All I have to do for the announcements is plug in the details and pictures (and they are so cute if I do say so myself), and add a few pics to our Christmas Card and a picture to Kaitlyn's birthday party invites.

I've also started a Christmas list, we are seriously cutting back this year.  I'm also currently washing all of the baby blankets of Kaitlyn's that I had stored so they can go into Samantha's room for use.  At this point, I don't really have too much more I can do to prepare!

I gave in, or did I give up...

Kaitlyn was still barely eating last night.  She was drinking sips of apple juice with lots of encouragement.  She still couldn't take her pain meds because they made her so sick, she was barely sleeping and had circles under her eyes and I was exhausted.

I called the surgeon/ENT doctor like I was supposed to if we felt complications were arising.  The on call doctor called back who said that it wasn't really their problem, it was the pediatrician's problem.  Our pediatrician wasn't the one on call, and when I called them they said we really needed to talk to the surgeon about it.  I had enough and in we went to Mercy Folsom.  A little more of a drive than Mercy San Juan, but there are typically way fewer people there, it's cleaner in the ER and really, I hate MSJ's ER.

In we went.  Within 5 minutes we were in triage and Kaitlyn was doing ok.  She's lost 6 pounds since Monday, which I expected, her blood pressure was normal as was everything else.  The PA ordered an IV and labs and we went back to the waiting room to wait for a bed.  Within a few minutes she had a bed.  From there, it went downhill.

Kaitlyn hates IVs, as many adults.  But, she actually did pretty good.  She didn't thrash around, cried a little, but stayed calm.  On all three attempts.  Yes, three attempts.  With the big needle instead of accepting the kindness of another nurse and her volunteering not only a smaller needle but also her assistance.  Kaitlyn stayed still even as they dug around in her arm looking for the vein.  She kept asking them why they couldn't do it when she was being so still.

After the third try, I was done.  And I told the nurse as much.  Either find someone else to do it properly or get another game plan under way.  Through the third attempt, and that blown vein, they were able to get her blood drawn.

The new game plan was a lidicane jelly that basically would numb the throat.  Same nurse thought to put it all in her mouth at once after she asked to do just a little at a time.  She had already been told there was swelling, her stomach was upset and she had been crying after those three IV attempts.  It resulted in her gagging, feeling like she was choking and couldn't breathe and then throwing it all up.  Which meant we had to do it again.  This time we did it Kaitlyn's way and it was fine.  Next was some zofran and then some juice.  Around that time Kaitlyn's labs came back boderline normal and we got to go home with a prescription for zofran.

Nights have been rough, she doesn't really sleep because it hurts to swallow and she's drooling and feeling like she's choking on saliva.  We got home around midnight and she slept until 2:30.  At about 3:30, daddy and I got her pain meds in while the last dose of zofran was still effective.  She fell back to sleep and slept all the way until 11:00!  YAY!!

She's in good spirits today, taking the zofran and the pain meds and drinking.  But, all food is disgusting, so who knows how that's going to play out...

The Road to Recovery

I honestly and sincerely believed that Kaitlyn's recovery would be relatively easy.  I believed that she would have the surgery day where she would be out of it, the next two days would be mostly resting and eating soft food and then she would bounce back.  She usually bounces back from everything so fast.

Yesterday, she did so much better.  I smooshed up some chewable tylenol, mixed it in a few bites of applesauce and tricked her into taking it.  For lunch she had half a small icee, 3 chicken crowns and a little bit of mac and cheese.  Later in the afternoon, around "dinner" time, she had a few bites of rice and before bed she had 2 bites of chocolate ice cream when Auntie Christy, Uncle Dennis and Camaryn came to visit.  She put up some fuss with her nightly round of antibiotics, but wasn't too bad about it.  Before bed, she came out so excited "Mommy, guess what!  I have to poop!!"  She was SOO excited.  And she did go.    She also peed for the second time that day.  Considering this was the first day she's peed more than once a day, it was a huge deal to us.  It was progress.

Kaitlyn's school called yesterday.  She was unable to make it to the first day so they wanted to be sure we planned on her attending.  I explained, again, the situation and how we'd like to do Independent Study for next week as the principal had suggested.  She said she couldn't, since she missed the first day and the teacher wouldn't have enough time to prepare it.  GRRRRR.  She said we could try and have her start school on Monday, since another student was after having her tonsils removed the Friday before Kaitlyn.  I resisted the temptation to lay into her and tell her our asthmatic daughter was having trouble eating enough food in a day to sustain a young toddler, there was no way she was ready.  And the last thing I wanted to do was send a kid who was in pain, hungry but unable/unwilling to eat, scared because of the pain little girl to school for nearly 6 hours a day where she can't have juice with her to sip on and gets one chance to eat.  Instead, I told her I would love for that possibility to be a reality and we'd keep them updated.

By the evening, Kaitlyn was in a great mood.  A bit sensitive, but wanting to play and run and be up and about.  At 10:00 she asked if she could sleep with me.  I told her she could, but only until Daddy got home from the ballgame in San Francisco, then she would have to go into her bed.  At 1:15, she woke up crying.  Daddy got home 15 minutes later.

The ear pain set in.  We were warned that it could happen, but I thought it would be around the same as all the other pain.  I never would have thought that it would pop up in the middle of the night 4 days after operation day.  Nothing would stop the pain.  It hurt her to sit up, to lay down, to swallow, to drink, to chew, to do anything.  So, she wouldn't swallow.  Her spit was so thick that it just wouldn't go down.  Finally at about 2:30 she decided to try to go back to sleep.  She was up every 30 minutes crying.  In pain.  Miserable.  By 5, I had completely regretted having them removed.  I think her on prednisone was easier to deal with and easier on her.  Finally, she fell asleep at 7:15 and stayed asleep for 2 hours before she gave up on her bed.

This morning we made some blueberry muffins together.  She's trying to eat one now.  Hopefully, she'll keep eating and drinking and eventually we'll get passed this all and she'll start feeling more and more normal.  I really, really cannot wait for that.

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Day 3 of recovery

And it was better.  Kaitlyn actually got out of bed several times to paint or sit on the couch with us.  She still refused to eat though.  She did manage a few sips of a smoothie we got her before going to bed.  She is also still refusing tylenol.

She went to bed, excited to be starting school today and fell asleep around 9:30.  Since she had a little nap through the day, that wasn't too bad.

The first time that little bell rang this morning it was 3:30 in the morning.  She wanted to try a tylenol.  Just one chewable.  The doseage for her age and weight is 4.  I obliged and went back to bed.  You know how you lay down and you can feel yourself drifting off to sleep and just about there, well that's when the bell rang.  For a different DVD.  I changed it, went back to bed, started to drift and again with the bell.  This cycle continued until 6:15 this morning for everything from telling me that her tongue felt funny, cheeks hurt, replenishing apple juice, switching movies, pushing play.....  I fell asleep just in time for my alarm to go off at 6:30.

I showered, dressed and got ready.  I woke Kaitlyn up.  At first, she jumped out of bed, eager to take a shower.  Then, her throat started hurting and she said all she needed was rest.  She said she wasn't ready to go to school and she was scared she was going to hurt too much if she tried.  So, I backed off.  By this point it was 5 minutes from when the bell was supposed to ring, she wasn't dressed, her hair was a wet mess and there didn't seem to be much point.  She said sh wanted to lay in our bed and I could not leave her side for anything.

About 20 minutes later, she changed her mind.  She wanted to try and go.  But, since the point was to get there a few minutes early, explain the situation to her teacher and get her situated and start the Independent Study process.  Walking into the classroom late, disrupting the teacher and then leaving would just be plain rude to the rest of the class.  Of course, this upset Kaitlyn again and again she was furious we took her tonsils from her.

So now, she's finger painting for a few minutes.  In 10 she has no choice but to eat.  I told her otherwise no more painting for the rest of the day and since that has been her favorite activity the last couple, that's a huge deal!

Wish us luck!  We're gonna need it!

26 week OB appointment

Aside from the office running 1/2 an hour late (evidently someone threw up ALL over the bathroom, so it was closed to be clean, causing them to run a little behind while they cleaned it and had to go to the other bathroom to check out everyone's urine, plus a patient of another department passed out in front of the elevators, so they were closed so the ambulance could help him, and the parking lot was a mess because of the ambulance blocking traffic...) everything was great!

At 26w2d, my uterus is measuring at 27 weeks!  He thinks I'll start feeling some fingers or toes in my ribs in the next week or two :)  My blood pressure is great at 100/60, heartrate was in the 150s and he said even if I gained another 50 lbs, that's fine with him.

I have been treating myself to 1 glass of sweet tea every day.  That's the only caffeine I have, everything else is milk or water.  My body is not responding well to caffeine and is likely the cause of my second UTI in a month, so I don't get to have them anymore.  Sweet tea, I will miss you :(

I continue to go back every week for my progesterone, but from now on, I have an OB appointment every 2 weeks!  Yay!  At my next appointment I get my rhogam shot and I get to do my glucose test. 

Is it bad that the doctor was surprised that I have made it this far without pPROMing again?  He thinks the p17 shots are making a huge difference and wants to start using them with more patients :)  

And all the insurance problems were worked out, effective today so I get to call the high risk doctor and schedule my u/s, hopefully I can get in this week :)  Friday morning would be ideal so Dusty can be home with the princess!

Day 2 of healing

Yesterday was day 2 of Kaitlyn's healing process.  It was a rough day.

The day started out at about 3 AM with Kaitlyn ringing her bell.  Her throat hurt.  I managed to get her to take some pain meds and switch out her DVD so she could watch it and rest.  For the next 2 hours she rang that bell every 3-4 minutes.  I think once was because she actually needed something and every other time was to inform me that her throat hurt, she is mad that the doctor would do this to her, she misses her tonsils and on and on and on.  All in a whispered, horse voice.

She finally fell back to sleep around 7 AM and slept for about an hour and a half.  Daddy went back to work and there we were.  At 8:30 it was time for more pain medicine and antibiotics.  We got the pain meds in, very slowly, and over the course of 20 minutes so managed to take all the antibiotics.  20 minutes later, that bell of hers rang.  Her tummy hurt worse than before she took the medicine.  30 seconds later, she managed to throw it all up.  Want to hear some drawbacks of a bunk bed?  Particularly a loft bunk bed with a ottoman and bean bag chair near the stairs.  I'll give you a hint, the vomit has more places to go ;)

We got it cleaned up, she apologized profusely and wanted to sleep.  I attempted to get her to eat some ice cream and she didn't want it.

That cycle continued most of the day.  Daddy came home from work and she was sound asleep.  She woke up just in time for Grandma to come visit and she was glad she had a card and balloon from Auntie Christina and Grandma had brought her some new jammies, Dora DVDs and an activity book.  As well as some applesauce and some chocolate ice cream.

After a few minutes, she decided to go sit in her chair in the playroom to try and eat some applesauce before taking more medicine.  She took another sip of her applejuice, a sip of pain medicine and proceeded to throw up everywhere.  We got her in the shower as Grandma said good-bye and Kaitlyn decided after her shower to try and rest some more.

She fell asleep.  At about 10, I got her to take the antibiotics and her and I came to an agreement.  She took some chewable tylenol instead of her tylenol with codeine and went to sleep.

I knew if the night was going to be anything like how it was the previous I should get to sleep!  And it was a good thing I did, she was up at 2:30!  And the bell rang every 5 minutes until 5:30 AM.  She needed more juice, wanted a teeny tiny bite of ice cream and to tell me random things.  She went back to sleep and was up again at 8:30.

Since 10 PM last night, she hasn't had any pain medicine.  She's in pain and has a lot of mucous, but she says the medicine makes her worse.  She painted for a little while and then Auntie Jamie came and babysat her so I could go to my OB appointment.  She was very excited to see that Auntie Jamie brought her a new My little Pony and matching movie :)

When I got home she managed to eat a few fries, she says it's easier to eat than ice cream or popsicles.  She's in our bed resting now, so hopefully she'll feel better and maybe get to go to school tomorrow and meet her new teacher :)

8-9-10

That's what today was :)  It should have started with the alarm going off at 6:00 AM.  Instead, it started with a jolt at 5:00 AM.

Kaitlyn has this habit, when she gets up in the middle of the night, she comes and stares at us to see if we will wake up.  I find this creepy.  She finds it funny.  She says Archie is the hardest to wake up this way.  Again, kinda creepy.

At 5:00 AM, I felt eyes on me, she said she just wanted to give me a kiss, did so and then went to her bed.  Or so I thought.  I fell back asleep and Dusty woke up, he said he heard the water.  I ran in the bathroom in the nick of time to keep her from drinking it, she wasn't allowed anything by mouth after midnight.  Being denied water did not make her happy.  She said she was so thirsty and her throat hurt so bad she just wanted a little drink.  To make up for the disappointment she came to bed with us.  Which meant she watched TV and was talkative and we were done sleeping. 

By 6:45 AM, Kaitlyn was in her new "just for surgery" rock star jammies and we were on our way to the hospital.  We got there exactly on time, which was perfect and amazing, especially considering that I passed the surgery center at least 3 times. 

As we pulled into the parking lot, the crying start.  Kaitlyn was terrified to have the surgery.  She did not want an IV, she did not want to be left alone, she did not want to have her tonsils taken out and she did not want to have the surgery.  We finally got her inside, where she quietly sobbed nearly the entire time.

At 7:20, the admitting receptionist called us back to get Kaitlyn admitted.  Dusty stood with us and she rudely told him there was no need for him to go back with us.  We were put off and since it was early, he sat back down.  Kaitlyn was furious.  We all got our bands to go back with her and shortly after the nurse took the three of us back to get her ready for the operation.

Kaitlyn was still not happy and wasn't being too friendly to the nurse.  The nurse was great, if not a little weird.  She was given some great cream on one arm and one hand to numb the skin so the IV wouldn't be painful.  She put on her gown, used the restroom, we answered all the questions and then Kaitlyn informed the nurse that she was not getting an IV today.  She figured that was that.  The nurse gave her the option of being halfway asleep when she got the IV or all the way asleep.  Kaitlyn said she wanted to be all the way asleep, problem averted.

From there we met with the anesthesiologist and the doctor to go over the procedure.  Kaitlyn was then ready for her surgery.  She was not at all happy (nor were we) when we found out that we could not be there with her when she fell asleep.  This resulted in more tears as she was wheeled away.

40 minutes later and the doctor came out to tell Dusty (I was in the restroom) that the surgery went great and she was perfect.  We would be able to go back in 10 minutes before she was woken up.

15 minutes later we were called back.  Unfortunately, they had already started to wake her up.  So, she was in pain and she was scared because we had promised to be there when she woke up.  She was screaming, bleeding quite a bit and slobbery, so the blood was coming out of her nose and her face, gown, sheets, pillow and ice pack were covered in her blood.  After about 15 minutes they agreed she was awake enough for pain medication.  Why they wouldn't put some medication in her IV prior to taking out, prior to waking her up is beyond me.  Obviously it's going to hurt when she woke up.  How would it not?

It took us about 10 minutes to get her to take the medicine.  It worked within a few minutes and she fell asleep.  She was at peace.  About 45 minutes after that, they said if they saw the whites of her eyes she could go home.  They made her a special bag with a get well card all the nurses signed, a ton of stickers, ice packs, bendy straws, juice, tissues and a basin incase she needed to throw up.  We made it home in 20 minutes and put her in our bed.

Kaitlyn slept for a couple of hours.  She woke up in time for her next dose of pain medicine.  We had picked her up some flowers and little balloons while she was sleeping and she was glad to see her "flower" friends.  She ate a few spoonfuls of ice cream and eventually went back to sleep.  She seems to be the most comfortable when she's sleeping.

She slept on and off for the next 4 hours or so while watching Scooby-Doo in between and sipping on apple juice.  She woke up again for more medicine and then fell back to sleep.

While she was asleep this time, I got to go to Labor and Delivery because I had more symptoms of a UTI.  Again.  Luckily this time they got me on the monitor quick, did my urine and had me out with a prescription in 45 minutes.  It's amazing, the time I go in unprepared I'm there for 5+ hours, but when I go in with a book and fully charged cell phone it's easy breezy :)

I got discharged, picked up my prescription and headed home.  Kaitlyn had been ringing her bell the entire time I was gone according to Dusty.  She wasn't happy that I left.  When I got home she sipped on some juice, got a fresh drool rag and then a special surprise!

Kaitlyn woke up again to see a very special bag of goodies from her friend and girl scout sister Meaghan and was so excited.  She fell back to sleep and has been that way ever since :)  She gets to take more medicine in about 30 minutes in additions to her antibiotics and then hopefully sleep through the night :)  Hopefully!

26 weeks

No, not the movie :P  It's where I'm at in the pregnancy :)

How far along? 26 weeks!!

Weight gain/loss: 24 lbs!!  Down 2 from last week.  I think it's because of this nasty cold

Maternity Clothes?  Unless I want to look absolutely ridiculous :P

Stretch Marks?  Nope,  At least not any that I can see.
Sleep?  I fall asleep around 9-10, stay that way until midnight, then get up every 2 hours

Best moment this week?  Showing Kaitlyn Samantha dance in my belly
Food Cravings?  I totally satisfied the cheddar biscuit craving, but now I want more
Belly Button, in or out?  The top part is sticking out, the bottom is pretty darn shallow
What I miss?  Eating without heartburn, sleeping without heartburn, basically not having this severe reflux
Weekly Wisdom? Actions speak louder than words.  Words are so easy to say, acting on them requires effort and actual genuine sincerity.
Upcoming Appointments?  Well, I didn't get my u/s last week, so here is hoping I do this week.  Wednesday I have my monthly OB appointment and p17 shot :)  And hopefully sometime this week I will get a belly shot update :)

99 days!!!

A normal pregnancy lasts 280 days.  If you consider that the first 13-14 days are filled with your body preparing an egg to drop from your ovary for fertilization, and then we waited 8 days to see those first set of double pink lines (what can I say, I'm obviously obsessed with peeing on stuff :P), of those first 280 days, the first 21 or so don't count.

So, from the day we found out I was pregnant, I was told I had to wait 259 days to meet our princess.  That feels so long!  It feels like a lifetime. 

And here we are, down to only 99 days until Samantha's due date.  If we assume that she will come no more than 3 weeks early, that leaves us to only 78 days.  That's only 2 1/2 months away.

And if we're only 99 days until her due date, than we're barely 100 or so days until Kaitlyn turns 6!  How did I get to be the mother of a 6 year old, a 3 year old angel and now a third little one??

In just a week and a day we'll be in the third trimester.  And with fingers crossed, we will be in the third trimester with the amniotic sac completely intact.  How awesome is that?

Blessed

Dusty and I donate a lot to Goodwill and Weave.  I'm a recovering pack rat and Dusty is on his way to recovery.  We've been working for the past while to live clutter free and to help Kaitlyn be clutter free.  At the end of the day, it's just stuff and we don't really need a ton of it or have to find places for a lot of it that we don't need.  I'm not exactly in the most comfortable position to have a yard sale, and none of it is really worth more than $10-20 so selling it online would most likely just result in a headache.  Plus, I feel that other places can put the money to better use helping people who really need the help.

Last night, I took two huge bins to Goodwill.  It was filled with curtains, lamps, picture frames, some items that had been in Matthew's room to decorate that really didn't hold any sentimental value and we had no reason to keep and a lot of toys and stuffed animals.  The gentleman that helped me was incredibly friendly.  The toys led us to a discussion on children.  His parents raised 11 and he was raising several.  He was just so nice and so kind, he said his goal in raising his kids was to give them everything they needed and half of what they wanted.  I had to much respect for that.

But, I digress and worry that I'm going to end up all over the place.  I realized as I drove away that I am blessed in life and I do believe God puts people in our lives for a reason.

I'm at a place that 2 years and 9 1/2 months ago, or even this time a year ago I never thought I would be at.  I am happy, I know that I have a good life and I don't feel guilty about it.  Obviously if I was ever granted the opportunity to go back in time or if I could have one wish, Matthew would be here.  There isn't anything I wouldn't give to have him in our lives.  But, I know how blessed in life I am.

I am married to an amazing man who loves me and our family and would do anything for us.  I know that if I told Dusty I was thirsty and only wanted Iced Tea, he would hop out of bed right this second and go make it or get it for me without a second thought.  He is constantly doing things for us and does it with a smile asking for nothing in return.

I have a beautiful, smart and loving little girl who I believe is wise beyond her years.  Kaitlyn has a heart of gold and is always worried about the happiness of other people.  She is a sensitive soul who cares so much for everyone around her, regardless of whether or not she knows them and is constantly thinking of things on her own to bring joy to others.  She is genuinely happy and I love being around her, she is so full of life.  She has experienced so much sadness in her life and I wish there could have been someway that I could have sheltered her from it, but in that sadness she has grown into this person I am so proud of.

I have a wonderful little boy who blessed our lives for hours, days, weeks and months longer than any doctors expected.  I truly believe that Matthew lived as long as he did as a reward from God, as truly a gift.  Even though his life was short, it was filled with so much joy and so much happiness.  He brought so many gifts into our lives and left them even after he said good-bye.  He taught us patience and he taught us extreme gratitude and not to take anything in life for granted.  He filled our lives with so much happiness in his 70 days here and I would do it all over again for another hug, kiss or chance to hold or even just look into his eyes.

And here we are, after experiencing 3 miscarriages in 10 months without a single answer, we're having a baby.  After being told that we would more than likely rupture in this pregnancy earlier than we did with Matthew, here we are, further along with no problems in sight.  We have a little girl growing, kicking and flipping inside of my belly making it known that she will be here.

We have a happy life, despite the hardships we've endured.  We've put the ultimate strain on our relationship and our family and have gotten through it stronger.  We do not have the happiness and joy in our life purely because of being given it, we have it because we chose it.  Everyday we are given situations that are out of our control, what is in our control is how we chose to handle those situations.  Life is just so short and such a blessing I cannot imagine doing anything other than embracing it, wholeheartedly, and with everything we have to give.

I feel incredibly fortunate to have the life we have, despite the sadness we've had to face.

Happy Birthday Matthew

3 years and 6 hours ago, I woke up in intense pain.  My room was fairly dark and Dusty was asleep in the corner on the fold out couch.  The light streaming from the hallway showed the monitors next to me.  I was tempted to strap the monitors to my stomach myself to see if what I was feeling were strong contractions or something else.  5 minutes later I didn't need to, the pain and the tightening of my uterus made it clear that this was it, this time it was real.

I pushed the button for the nurse to come in and whispered, so I wouldn't wake Dusty quite yet, that I was in labor and they needed to call the doctor.  The nurse came in, in my 10 week stay, I had met her for the first time at 7:00 PM the night before.  She didn't want to call the doctor yet, she wanted me to get on the monitor.  Sure enough, I withered there in pain for an hour with contractions every 2-3 minutes apart, shooting off the 100 scale they use on the monitors.  I asked for pain relief, she called the doctor.

An hour and a half after the first pain the doctor called and I could have some pain medication and some benadryl to see if this was real labor or not.  It was real.  There was no mistaking it.  This type of consistent pain didn't happen without progress.  It couldn't.  The medicine helped a little bit and I was still asking them to whisper, just in case they were right, why wake Dusty?  It was in the wee hours of Monday morning and he had work to go to!

Another hour passed with contractions right on top of each other.  We were 2 1/2 hours into this, it was 4 AM.  I told the nurse I knew what this pain was, I knew what the pressure was.  It was time.  He was ready to be born.  No, no, no, they said.  You weren't dilated at all last night, we have to know for sure before we do another sterile spec exam.  I told her I had pressure.  At 4 AM, she relented.  There he was, 10 cm dilated, at a +3 station, butt first.  Now, we woke Dusty up.  There was no denying it, he wanted out, right now, one way or another.

Dusty put his shoes on as they put in my IV and the nurse called for help.  They didn't have time to call my perinatologist and have her there to deliver me.  There just wasn't time.  They were wheeling me into the OR before Dusty had his second shoe on.  In the hallway, I was excited, dazed, confused and medicated.  They happened to run into my regular OB in the hallway and grabbed him.  At 4:20 AM, we heard the most amazing sound, the baby we had been fighting for, the baby we were told wouldn't make it, the baby we were told would have minimal, if any lung development came into this world and cried.  After a quick look he was whisked off to the NICU with daddy following him.

August 6, 2007 Matthew Jackson was born into this world at 33 weeks gestation, weighing in at 4lbs 14 oz and 18 inches long.  He had the proudest parents and most loving big sister.  That was the first day of his short 70 day life, each day he was loved, cared for and appreciated in so many ways.

Happy Birthday Matthew.  We love you and miss you more than words could ever begin to express.  We talk to you and of you so often.  We wonder how you would look, how your voice would sound, how you would react to the puppy, what kind of birthday party you would want, what kind of toys you would ask for, how you would feel about becoming a big brother, if you would be ready to start playing sports or preschool, and what you would want to do today to celebrate.  We never have to wonder how much you would be loved, spoiled and cared for.  We never have to wonder how different our life would be if you were still here.

Today, daddy, Kaitlyn and I will go to the cemetery.  We will take you balloons and flowers and wish you a happy birthday.  Our hearts will be heavier today, knowing how much harder days like today are without you here.  Knowing how much hope and promise we had on this day 3 short years ago.

Tomorrow, the friends and family whose lives you touched, who love you and carry you in their hearts will send you balloons.  We will celebrate your life with those that mean the most to us.  We will remember how happy we were when you were born and we will wish you the happiest of birthdays as you watch down on us.

We love you.