We were driving home tonight when I let my mind wander a bit. I think in a sense I was working on coming to terms with something that has been boiling to the surface over the last few weeks and where I want some relationships to go.
The whos, whats and wheres are completely irrelevant. The reason for my revelation is something that I think will bring me peace of mind and that's what matters most.
I have always been the type to swoon over pretty words. To me, words are so incredibly powerful. I have always made sure to do as I say and mean as I do. When I say words, they are from my heart, they are filled with my innermost private thoughts and have a strong meaning.
It's a hard realization when you realize that not all people are made the same as you. I don't mean that in a necessarily cocky way as though I am in some way perfect, nor do I mean it in a negative connotation. I'm fully aware of my pitfalls and strive every day to repair and improve them as much as I can. Each day is a new strive towards perfection. I can assure you, I am incredibly sincere in all of my words.
I'm a Cancer. I am a sensitive soulful person. I know the strength in words and try so hard to use them in a positive way. But, I also try to back up my words with actions, and I am sincere in those actions. I guess I've never really learned how to be insincere. I'm not good at it and I don't like to waste my time faking kindness or relationships. My smiles are real, my actions are real, my words are real.
But, I don't think all people are made the same. Not everyone has the same desires in life or the same way of thinking. And really, not everyone wants to be my bff, or have a close relationship with me. That's perfectly and 100% fine. I'm sure I irritate the heck out of some people. I can be overly bubbly, overly sensitive and sometimes I have childish revenge sequences play through my mind. Really, it doesn't bother me if I'm not loved by all of the people all of the time. What bothers me is the insincerity behind kind words. The words that cause me to swoon and think "everything is going to be ok."
I am learning though, words are not always worth swooning over. They can be amazing and needing and loved and appreciated, but they can also be very insincere. What I am learning is that the people that really matter. The people that I have learned really want to be close to me, close to us, close to our family back up their words with actions that reflect the same. The people that really matter prove the genuineness of their words with the earnestness of their actions.
One of my biggest pitfalls is that I do too much for those that may not appreciate it. I have always lived by the "do unto others as you wish them to do unto you" and that isn't always good. When you constantly do nice actions towards some and never have the kindness to repay it, it gets old and hurtful. I think it goes to prove the insincerity of their words.
What I am working on now, for my own personal growth, is separating the words from the actions. I want the words to matter, I truly do, but I have to learn and realize that the actions prove the honesty of the words.
I am really proud of Kaitlyn. I think I learned tonight, that she has already learned that lesson. With her, it isn't about who buys her things, or who tells her nice things, to Kaitlyn, the actions and kindness is what touches her heart. I really do believe she is the one that taught me this lesson and I am grateful to her for it.
When all is said and done, actions back up your words, so be sure to be sincere. :)
*~*~*~*~ Just a note to answer any concerns. If you care enough to read, if you care enough to respond and you care enough to even give anything I say or think a second thought, I can promise your actions back up your words. If I talk to you on an even regular person, you answer my phone calls and respond to things I say, I can assure you, you rock and there are no worries ~*~*~*~*