Friday, April 27, 2007


Every year in school, starting at the sixth grade, we would get in line in the girl's locker room and bend over while a doctor took a look at our backs.

For most people, this meant nothing. Just the inconvienance of having to stand there, strip to your bra and bend over for some nurse or doctor to tell you there were no problems. In the 8th grade, my check didn't go so well. I didn't get the smiley face and hear the words "next" to indicate my turn was over. Instead, I got a day off school to see an orthopedist about my scoliosis. I had a 13 degree curve that special stretching could improve and prevent from worsening.

I was 13, while I was thrilled to pieces that I didn't have to wear a brace, let's be honest, I had no intention of doing those stretches. I also never followed up on it once I entered adult hood.

That mistake is one I will pay for again. That mistake seriously interefered with my pain relief during delivery.

When I was pregnant with Kaitlyn, Dusty and I took "child birth preperation" classes late in my pregnancy. I honestly cannot tell you much about what we "learned" other than to bring extra pillows to the hospital. As far as I was concerend, special breathing was for the silly people who didn't realize that god sent epidurals for a reason!

At my 36 week appointment my doctor said I was ready to have this baby! I thought for sure that meant I would have her that day. Over the next 4 weeks and 3 days I tried EVERYTHING to get her to come out! Castor Oil twice, using a breast pump to get labor kick started, spicy foods that gave me heart burn, jumping jacks, all the special stretches the books and websites suggest and walking miles and miles.

I finally went into labor on November 17. I had regular contractions, they were steady and 5 minutes apart for 3 hours before I woked Dusty and had him take me to the hospital at 7:30 AM. We got there, I was given a gown and checked. I was a fingertip dialated. I was told to walk for an hour and they'll check me again. I did just that and there was no change. The nurses decided I wasn't really in labor, I was just tired and needed to rest. I probably wouldn't be back for a few days. I was given some pain killers and sleeping pills which I gladly took.

I got dressed and headed to the car to go home. I slept for about an hour. Then, the pain got worse. It was the wierdest sensation, I would be in a deep sleep for about 5 minutes and wake up in horrible pain. I tried a bath, changing positions breathing nothing helped. I didn't want to go back to the hospital because I wasn't really in labor, or so I was told. I had Dusty bring me some tylenol and some water and tried to get it out of my head. I wasn't very successful. So, I got dressed and we went back to the hospital. I figured they were right, I wasn't in labor, but I needed something for the pain.

Again, I was given a gown and checked. I was at 5 cm!!! I had progressed to 5 by 1:00, so only 4 hours. I was asked if I wanted an epidural, I said OF COURSE! And was so thrilled that the pain would soon be gone.

I sat through the epidural, which was not so bad at all and then watched Dusty eat Subway while it kicked in. I waited and waited. Eventually, it kicked in on one side. That lasted maybe an hour. After that, I was on my own.

It hurt. I couldn't get past the pain. I couldn't push effectivley because I was in so much pain and didn't know how to handle it.

Because of my scoliosis, the epidural could not properly dispense the medication through my spinal cord. I was unprepared and because of that I suffered.

Not this time. With Matthew, I want to go in prepared for an unmedicated delivery. I am trying to research the Bradley method and self hyponosis. I'm really interested in a doula. If anyone has any information on a doula in my area, PLEASE let me know :)

Oh, and on the subject of pregnancy, I'm hoping to get some "20 week" pics tomorrow :)

Tuesday, April 24, 2007


There are so many things I find funny. I enjoy listening to jokes, I enjoy comedy clubs, I enjoy comedy on television, I LOVE to laugh. Maybe that's how I stay so thin, laughing does burn 30 calories!

But, there are some things I don't find funny at all. I don't think making fun of children or babies is ever funny. I don't see taking an innocent little angelic face that looks up to all adults with pride and excitment and turning them into a laughing matter comedic.

It is quite possible that I'm alone on this, but incredibly doubtful.

As adults, we have this responsibility to children to protect them. To make children feel safe and secure in our arms. To make children believe that there is a shining star in the night's sky and a pot of gold at the end of the rainbow.

To be a person in a child's life that a child trusts and loves is an amazing position. To know that this little person thinks you are the greatest thing since peanut butter on a big spoon is a feeling that is indescribable and irreplacable.

It takes a special kind of person to look at this perfect angel and laugh at something *you* find wrong with them. How pathetic must a grown adult be to pick on a child? How insecure and lonely must a man or woman be to find humor in an "imperfection" of a child? How disgusting and disturbed must a person be to think giggling at an "inside" joke regarding a baby is acceptable?

I hope and pray that those people do not breed. I pray that if they do have children, they are without any fault or who knows how damaged their self-esteem may be by the time they reach adolescence. I have faith that there are not other children present when these people take part in their diseased jokes.

For those that already have children, I take pity on them. If they are so set upon teasing babies, toddlers and children they must not have fully enjoyed everything that parenthood has to offer. Those are the people who have absolutely no respect for the astonishing gift they have been given in their child. I worry that their child is either a big bully on the playground or is so weak and lacking in self-confidence that they allow themselve to be bullied.

People who make fun of babies, toddler and children are lacking morals, ethics, compassion and every characteristic necessary to be a contributing member of our community or our world. I am thankful every day that our family does not have people like that around. I know that we are better people for it and Kaitlyn will grow to be a better woman because of it.

Monday, April 23, 2007


I knew what I was going to do with my life. I was going to be an attorney and enter the world of politics. I didn't aspire to be president, governor of California was fine by me. My goal was to help people.

I had everything planned out to the T. I knew how each of my days would go. I would drop the kid(s) off at day care so I could be in the office by 7 and pick them up by 6-7 at night. An hour or two was more than enough time to bond each day.

This was my plan from the time I was in 3-4th grade until I was about 17-18. Then, I emerged from the cocoon I had built myself.

I realized that politician's don't always help people. I realized that children are amazing and an hour or two a day was not at all sufficient nor was it acceptable. Even today I realize that 24 hours in a day with a child is not nearly enough. That time flies by faster than a speeding bullet and leaves you forever.

I learned that the best way to help people is to have a happy and healthy family. To make sure that you are a contributing member of society. Helping the world starts just one person at a time.

By the time I was 21, I learned that things don't exactly happen in the order you set out for them to. I had planned on getting married, living the newly wed life for a while and then having babies. Well, one day, I woke up and found out I was pregnant. Although Dusty and I lived as man and wife we were not. We had always planned it and talked about it, but it was not yet a bridge we had crossed. Now, I've heard some say that Dusty was forced into marriage (after 5 years of dating, 3 living together) because of this pregnancy. But, those people don't know Dusty very well lol! I can't force Dusty to take out the garbage or do something as simple as actually put a plate in the sink so there were not any shotguns at our wedding!

Once we were married, family started to take on a different meaning. Dusty and I shared no blood relation (obviously lol!) but we were a family. When kaitlyn was born, I began again to question what the meaning of family truly was.

I began to wonder what made family? Was it sharing DNA or was it experiances.

For example, had some Days of Our Lives crazy stuff went down and I found out that when I went in to have a filling replaced my eggs were stolen and used to create a baby that was raised in a village in Africa, would I know that child if I saw them 18 years later? Would I have a motherly bond with the child?

How much of my love with Kaitlyn occured before birth? How much of that sense of motherhood and bonding is attributed to the 9 months she spent in my belly growing, eating, kicking and depending on me until the day came when I physically pushed her into the world?

Anywho, I have learned something about the meaning of family.

Family is first born from blood relations. It is these blood relations that allow us to grow up in environments with people who are and will become our family. However, it isn't blood alone that creates families.

Families are people who have a sense of love, connection and respect for eachother. People in families share so many experiances with one another that no one could ever understand or be a part of. Those experiances, those memories make families what they are. Those memories allow people to grow together and trust one another. Many times, people in families are not of blood relation. They are people that have been "adopted" into the family one way or another, be it at birth, adolescence or adult hood.

Family is the greatest treasure that we have and it should be placed on the highest of pedestles.

Wednesday, April 18, 2007


Women's bodies are amazing. Not just because we can create new life. Don't get me wrong, that is absolutely imcredible.

What I find just as amazing is our ability to totally forget and ignore what it's "really" like to create that new life.

I'll admit, I'm envious of those women who brag about how much they love being pregnant and how easy it is. I am not one of those women.

For me, pregnancy is hard, it's tiring, it's constant. It's 40 long weeks filled with some nasea, tons of heart burn, swelling, migraines, tiredness, grouchiness and the sinking feeling that you will NEVER have time to get everything done in those short 40 weeks.

Yet, when I look back on being pregnant with Kaitlyn, I don't think of those things. I don't think of the throwing up constantly for the first 5-6 months. I don't think of the hip pain so bad I would sit on the ground crying and force Dusty to come home from work. I don't think about the migraines that wouldn't stop.

I remember feeling her kick. I remember how funny it was to see her foot stick out of my belly and being able to clearly see toes. I remember how much more comfortable maternity clothes are! I remember how I felt when I realized that I knew her sleep and awake pattern and I could feel her and experiance her in a way that no one else could.

And then there's giving birth. As far as deliveries go, I know I'm pretty lucky. After Kaitlyn was born, even that following morning I didn't think of the pain. I thought of how amazed I was that she was actually here. Her first cry. The first time she nursed, the first time she looked at me and how perfect she was. I remebered how Dusty was the master at swaddling and keeping her asleep so I could stay asleep.

My delivery wasn't perfect, but I know those who've had far worse. I have scoliosis in my lower back. That epidural I dreamed of only worked on the right side of my hip and only for the second stage of labor. Once I hit about 8 cm dialated, it didn't work at all. I only wanted to lay on my right side, it after all wasn't in as much pain. But, Kaitlyn didn't like that side and I had to have oxygen and lay on my left side! Darn her!!

I was fortunate that I was admitted at about 1:00 PM and she was here at 9:02 PM. I pushed for about an hour and fourty-five minutes. I was exhausted, I hadn't slept the night before and I hadn't eaten since the night before. All I wanted was a McChicken!! I changed positions and sat up and wouldn't ya know it? She practically popped out (note for next time!)

While your in pregnancy, you remember every part of the negative. You remember the pain, the stess, the wanting to cry every 20 minutes. With your first pregnancy you say, "I'm never doing this again, it can't be worth it"

With your second pregnancy, you know it is. You know what you get to look forward to and the days melt away!

Thursday, April 5, 2007


I've been busy, busy! Let me tell ya, Kaitlyn is definatly becoming her own person. She knows what she wants, when she wants it and it doesn't matter why! She is happily occupying much more of my time.

I have gained 10 pounds so far in my first 11 weeks and 1 day of pregnancy. For the first part of the day, I'm starving. I eat a whole meal every 2 hours. For the late afternoon and evening though I've been sick. And exhausted. It's pretty miserable and I feel terrible since I'm pretty useless to Dusty and Kaitlyn. I make dinner and then I usually eat something small and head to bed.

We went shopping for a new car yesterday. It was unpleasant to say the least. Rude dealers, hot sun, cranky toddler. Mix those up and you get a migraine. One that still hasn't gone away.

I had Kaitlyn's St. Patty's day pics done this weekend. The outfit is probably one of my favorites that I've ever made. I'm really proud of it. I ordered her Easter Dress today and hopefully it'll be here soon. I want to have her pics done on March 24, so they get back just in time for Easter Cards. Keep your fingers crossed!

Work is going ok. I'm just about rid of one crazy and nearly rid of the other. Once that's complete it should be easy street. Well, once that's complete and I get these units rented (If anyones looking for a 1 bedroom for $595 or a spacious 2 bedroom for $735-$775 let me know)

I am looking forward to this trimester being over and getting some energy back. I'd really like to take Kaitlyn to Marine World this month! Hopefully that'll happen if we are all feeling good!

How is everyone doing?

Wednesday, April 4, 2007


There are many things about having a child that are incredibly difficult. You rarely have a moment to yourself, you are up through the night quite often, you have to completely care for another person, you have back aches from lugging around a 30 pound toddler, you get to hear some whining, some screaming, some crying all because the Sponge Bob movie is over, you work incredibly hard to be a good mom.

But, being a mom has so many rewards! All of the hard work in the world is worth Kaitlyn calling me mommy. Everything is worth Kaitlyn giving me kisses and saying "wuv you" and hearing her giggle when she thinks she is going to tickle me. Those are joys I get to experiance every day!!

In addition to that, we get to help her explore the big world around us. We get to help her feed giraffe's, ride elephants, see new animals, ride on amusement park rides and enjoy so many new experiances. I wouldn't miss out on those for anything in the whole world! They are pure magic.

This year we get to introduce Kaitlyn to so many of her favorite characters! After Labor Day, Kaitlyn gets to meet Thomas the Train and all of his friends!! In mid-June or Early July Kaitlyn gets to meet Sponge Bob!! She's going to love that!! And, it looks like we just might be heading to Disneyland at the end of August where Kaitlyn can meet all her favorites: Dumbo, The Little Mermaid, lady and the Tramp, Monsters and even Nemo will be there!! I am so excited!!

My point is, Kaitlyn can be a lot of work, but the fun of toddlerhood and the magic on a child's face makes it all worth while.

Tuesday, April 3, 2007


Let me tell ya, working from home, with a toddler, managing an apartment complex, keeping a clean house, taking care of a high maintenance dog AND being pregnant has not been easy.

Being sick the first 14 weeks didn't help either!Here I am, 15 weeks and 2 days. I'm feeling much better. During the day, I have way more energy than I did last month, which is wonderful. MOST of the morning sickness is gone. I have a couple waves in the morning where I think I am going to be praying to the porcelain gods, but with some deep breaths and cool surroundings, it typically passes pretty quickly.

I have been getting migraines at night the last two nights, but I am sure that my doctor will take care of that at my appointment next Wednesday.

This week, my goal has been to get things done! I chose a bad week because it is rent paying week which means that people are in and out all day long, but I can do it. I am nearly all caught up on all my housework. That has truly suffered in the past weeks and while Dusty has been great, there is only so much he can or will do. All I have to do to get things back in line is 2 more loads of laundry and a run through all the rooms with the Magic Eraser to get rid of our little Picasso's master pieces. That has made me feel so good. I've had all the windows and doors open so fresh air can saturate everything we have and will probably have the carpet cleaners come in Friday to deep clean all of our carpets, yippee!!

We're basically staying busy. Here are some new pics from the past couple of weeks :)